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Crappy friends/bridesmaids - vent

KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I give up... I went over to the 'Bee' forums because there seems to be a bit more traffic over there, but it's not worth it! I've now been told by a few people that I have 'crappy friends' because they're not all 'involved' in my wedding planning, or offering to do things for me, AND I'm not upset about it...

Oy. 

Who knew not having friends who wanted to meet with vendors and set up my reception and need to know every detail meant I have crappy friends? Pretty sure that it just means I have friends who have interesting lives! Of course they'll be there to support me on the day, but jeez, I barely care about looking placecards- why in the heck would they??

To be fair, I'm sure if I *asked* these friends to do these things with me, they would, but it's time consuming and *not their job/duty/responsibility*--which seems to be something the bees can't wrap their head around...

I'm so glad I have the friends I do! And that they're there for me when I need them, and that they're not petty! 

And I'm so glad people here have their heads on straight!

--Rant over--
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Re: Crappy friends/bridesmaids - vent

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    nerdwifenerdwife member
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    KnickerGold said:
    I give up... I went over to the 'Bee' forums because there seems to be a bit more traffic over there, but it's not worth it! I've now been told by a few people that I have 'crappy friends' because they're not all 'involved' in my wedding planning, or offering to do things for me, AND I'm not upset about it...

    Oy. 

    Who knew not having friends who wanted to meet with vendors and set up my reception and need to know every detail meant I have crappy friends? Pretty sure that it just means I have friends who have interesting lives! Of course they'll be there to support me on the day, but jeez, I barely care about looking placecards- why in the heck would they??

    To be fair, I'm sure if I *asked* these friends to do these things with me, they would, but it's time consuming and *not their job/duty/responsibility*--which seems to be something the bees can't wrap their head around...

    I'm so glad I have the friends I do! And that they're there for me when I need them, and that they're not petty! 

    And I'm so glad people here have their heads on straight!

    --Rant over--
    Well, what were you posting on weddingbee that made people say that to you? Were you complaining about them?

    Either way, the attitude you posted here is a good one - bridesmaids are close friends we honor by asking them to stand next to us on the most important day of our lives. That's all they have to do. Frankly, I think it would be weird to drag bridesmaids to meetings with vendors. And I hatehatehate reading how girls pick their BMs by picking girls who are "organized" and "planners" and things ::shudders::
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    Put it in the burn book, honey. 

    I totally agree with you on "I don't care about placecards, why would they?" concept. I am completely on board with helping out as a bridesmaid when asked. Funny story though, once I was asked along with other BMs to be part of the bride's invitation assembly line. She's an artist. I could just tell we weren't doing our jobs up to her standards but she was too nice to really say anything. If you want your teeny tiny ribbons tied on straight to your standards, do it yourself. 

    I would never drag a BM to a vendor. It's me and my man's wedding. Two opinions is enough to deal with; why would I want more opinions? But on the flip side, I helped out my best friend a lot with her wedding because I was fresh off the wedding boat myself. She sent me her photographer contract to proof (and I saw holes in it) and she asked other things that I had learned from going through the wedding process. That's just being a good friend, not a bridesmaid. 
    ________________________________


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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    People definitely have fucked up ideas about what bridesmaids are supposed to do, and will tell you that you have shitty friends if they don't live up to those "responsibilities."  During our reception, my bustle fell down.  My bustle was legit - 9 points and done by an amazing seamstress - but I was dancing my ASS off and swinging my gown around like the happiest person on earth so it was bound to come unhooked in a few spots.  One of my cousins pulled me to the side to help me hook it back up (which I appreciated), and was like "Your maid of honor SUCKS."  I was kind of shocked.  My MOH is my BFF and she was on the dancefloor having an amazing time with her hubby and our friends - not fawning all over me all night.  She went on to explain that she should have been making sure my bustle was perfect all night and that she sucked at her job.  I was dumbfounded!

    Anyway, yeah.  Lesson learned - stay off Wedding Bee and keep treating your BP like what they are - your friends.


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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    nerdwife said:
    KnickerGold said:
    I give up... I went over to the 'Bee' forums because there seems to be a bit more traffic over there, but it's not worth it! I've now been told by a few people that I have 'crappy friends' because they're not all 'involved' in my wedding planning, or offering to do things for me, AND I'm not upset about it...

    Oy. 

    Who knew not having friends who wanted to meet with vendors and set up my reception and need to know every detail meant I have crappy friends? Pretty sure that it just means I have friends who have interesting lives! Of course they'll be there to support me on the day, but jeez, I barely care about looking placecards- why in the heck would they??

    To be fair, I'm sure if I *asked* these friends to do these things with me, they would, but it's time consuming and *not their job/duty/responsibility*--which seems to be something the bees can't wrap their head around...

    I'm so glad I have the friends I do! And that they're there for me when I need them, and that they're not petty! 

    And I'm so glad people here have their heads on straight!

    --Rant over--
    Well, what were you posting on weddingbee that made people say that to you? Were you complaining about them?

    Either way, the attitude you posted here is a good one - bridesmaids are close friends we honor by asking them to stand next to us on the most important day of our lives. That's all they have to do. Frankly, I think it would be weird to drag bridesmaids to meetings with vendors. And I hatehatehate reading how girls pick their BMs by picking girls who are "organized" and "planners" and things ::shudders::
    Ah, I was replying to a thread where a girl was pissed that her MOH 'wasn't doing anything' and wondering if she should replace her...
    I mentioned that they don't *have* to do anything. And then I was told I have crappy friends... haha
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    nerdwifenerdwife member
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    KnickerGold said:
    nerdwife said:
    KnickerGold said:
    I give up... I went over to the 'Bee' forums because there seems to be a bit more traffic over there, but it's not worth it! I've now been told by a few people that I have 'crappy friends' because they're not all 'involved' in my wedding planning, or offering to do things for me, AND I'm not upset about it...

    Oy. 

    Who knew not having friends who wanted to meet with vendors and set up my reception and need to know every detail meant I have crappy friends? Pretty sure that it just means I have friends who have interesting lives! Of course they'll be there to support me on the day, but jeez, I barely care about looking placecards- why in the heck would they??

    To be fair, I'm sure if I *asked* these friends to do these things with me, they would, but it's time consuming and *not their job/duty/responsibility*--which seems to be something the bees can't wrap their head around...

    I'm so glad I have the friends I do! And that they're there for me when I need them, and that they're not petty! 

    And I'm so glad people here have their heads on straight!

    --Rant over--
    Well, what were you posting on weddingbee that made people say that to you? Were you complaining about them?

    Either way, the attitude you posted here is a good one - bridesmaids are close friends we honor by asking them to stand next to us on the most important day of our lives. That's all they have to do. Frankly, I think it would be weird to drag bridesmaids to meetings with vendors. And I hatehatehate reading how girls pick their BMs by picking girls who are "organized" and "planners" and things ::shudders::
    Ah, I was replying to a thread where a girl was pissed that her MOH 'wasn't doing anything' and wondering if she should replace her...
    I mentioned that they don't *have* to do anything. And then I was told I have crappy friends... haha
    Got it - that makes sense. Ugh, that's the worst. HOW DARE YOU HAVE BASIC HUMAN MANNERS?!
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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    And how dare anyone have a life that doesn't revolve around you/your wedding?!!! ;)
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    I am on the bee also and I have managed to get 2 warnings in a months time. One was for mentioning that the policy of mods closing down posts because they have run their course irritates me. Yep, I mentioned I didn't like a policy and got a warning. The other warning was for calling a troll a troll. A bunch of people reported me. That is kumbayah stepford bridetown over there. Serious pansies if you can't handle the word troll for someone who is an obvious troll.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    thespeshulestsnowflake said:
    I lurk on the bee but don't have an account. I saw that thread (and have seen countless like it) and thought it was crazy her jumping on you like that. At least 5 others said the same things but they were ignored.

    Also, can I add how its always about the MOH or BM not helping. Never the FI. You never read a thread about a bride wanting to kick their FI out of the wedding for not helping.
    It would be hilarious to see the responses if someone actually did. . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    "Oh well FI isn't good at decorating"-- umm NEITHER AM I! Girls don't automatically have the 'decorating gene'...

    I'd love to see a thread about unhelpful FI's being thrown out of the wedding for not helping!
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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    thespeshulestsnowflake said:
    I lurk on the bee but don't have an account. I saw that thread (and have seen countless like it) and thought it was crazy her jumping on you like that. At least 5 others said the same things but they were ignored.

    Haha thanks, I just keep imagining this girl as 'Ariel' from Season 10 of Bridezillas-- like ya I'm excited for my friends' wedding and they're excited for mine, but excited doesn't have to mean I'm your free wedding planner! And if you don't ask me to do XYZ, I'm not going to offer-- that's pushy!
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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    KnickerGold said:
    "Oh well FI isn't good at decorating"-- umm NEITHER AM I! Girls don't automatically have the 'decorating gene'...

    I'd love to see a thread about unhelpful FI's being thrown out of the wedding for not helping!
    One thing I see over there is a lot more than here is the perpetuation of gender stereotypes and it irks me sooooooo much.
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    I luck out because my best friend is an event planner.  She chose my DOC because if it wasn't someone she trusted, she just wouldn't be able to help herself anyways LOL.  However, I know my case is an anomaly and I don't expect her to do anything, but this is her thing and the bonus is she has a carbon copy wedding 4 months before mine (same venue, colors, centerpiece ideas etc.)

    I'm pretty sure setting up a fake troll on another Forum as a group is probably against the rules, but if not I'm willing to be the pawn for a little fun.


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    spockforprezspockforprez member
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    Oh the Bee is SOOOOO much fun for drama! There are a few good regs with their heads on straight but mostly it's entitlement city, population 3 million. I got addicted to reading the Bee and an associated snark site a few months ago. I had to quit for my health. ;) 
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    anjemonanjemon member
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    spockforprez said:
    Oh the Bee is SOOOOO much fun for drama! There are a few good regs with their heads on straight but mostly it's entitlement city, population 3 million. I got addicted to reading the Bee and an associated snark site a few months ago. I had to quit for my health. ;) 
    Associated snark site? Is this a public place I can google and come read? 
    image
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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    anjemon said:
    spockforprez said:
    Oh the Bee is SOOOOO much fun for drama! There are a few good regs with their heads on straight but mostly it's entitlement city, population 3 million. I got addicted to reading the Bee and an associated snark site a few months ago. I had to quit for my health. ;) 
    Associated snark site? Is this a public place I can google and come read? 
    BOX**

    Same?


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    spockforprezspockforprez member
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    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    @spockforprez I think I could spend all day in their What Not to Wear board!  I'm dying!
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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    spockforprez said:
    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.
    And there goes my day...thanks!
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    spockforprezspockforprez member
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    Haha, y'all enjoy! I'm sworn off for now.  :D
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    thespeshulestsnowflake said:
    spockforprez said:
    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.
    And there goes my day...thanks!
    http://www.disasterradio.net/morningdisaster/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/takei-oh-my.jpg

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
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    spockforprez said:

    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.

    spockforprez said:

    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.

    Officially down the rabbit hole....ugh, like I needed something else to waste work time on!
                 
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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    glasgowtolondon said:
    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.
    @anjemon
    @frenchiekin

    Not sure if this violates any TOS, but it's the "Klassy Brides" board on Snarky Chickens. Those ladies can have some etiquette issues in their weddings at times too, but their snark on WB is delicious.
    Officially down the rabbit hole....ugh, like I needed something else to waste work time on!
    Yup, have been super unproductive... but it's too funny!
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