No shower. Should we have a registry?

tigerlily6 · January 2016

Some friends and family have asked if we are having a registry, but I haven't decided yet (however, fear not -- I am definitely not doing any tacky honey-funds or such). I have heard no plans about a bridal shower, and we own most of things we could ask for in running a home. Sure, there are a few odds and ends for which we could register, but overall the bases are pretty well covered, so registering for anything feels a bit shallow to me. A drying mat for dishes, a rug for the living room, matching jars for storing things in the pantry, etc. would be welcomed, but they aren't exactly things we can't get ourselves at the thrift shop or wait until next Christmas for.

What's the best course of action? To register or not?

Knottie28432175 · January 2016

We're in the same boat (sort of), as well. We are registering, but just at one place and we are not "advertising" that we are registered. In other words, we won't be including it on invites. We think we might have a link to it on our wedding site, but we aren't certain yet. When we thought about just forgoing it all together, we had lots of family members who were looking forward to getting us gifts and asked if we would register. We aren't going in with the expectation that we'll receive many gifts, but want to have it for those interested in giving us something.

Viczaesar · January 2016

Knottie28432175 said:

We're in the same boat (sort of), as well. We are registering, but just at one place and we are not "advertising" that we are registered. In other words, we won't be including it on invites. We think we might have a link to it on our wedding site, but we aren't certain yet. When we thought about just forgoing it all together, we had lots of family members who were looking forward to getting us gifts and asked if we would register. We aren't going in with the expectation that we'll receive many gifts, but want to have it for those interested in giving us something.

That's good, since it's an absolute no-no to mention gifts in any way on wedding registries. It's fine to have it listed on your wedding website if you decide to do that, provided it isn't on the first page (so people have to seek out the information if they want it; the digital equivalent of asking where you're registered).

photokitty · January 2016

Viczaesar said:

Knottie28432175 said:

We're in the same boat (sort of), as well. We are registering, but just at one place and we are not "advertising" that we are registered. In other words, we won't be including it on invites. We think we might have a link to it on our wedding site, but we aren't certain yet. When we thought about just forgoing it all together, we had lots of family members who were looking forward to getting us gifts and asked if we would register. We aren't going in with the expectation that we'll receive many gifts, but want to have it for those interested in giving us something.

That's good, since it's an absolute no-no to mention gifts in any way on wedding registries. It's fine to have it listed on your wedding website if you decide to do that, provided it isn't on the first page (so people have to seek out the information if they want it; the digital equivalent of asking where you're registered).

Vic, meant wedding announcements. Obviously a wedding registry would mention gifts as it is a list of suggested items. Your wedding invite should in no way, shape or form mention gifts or registries.

mollybarker11 · January 2016

Many people getting married these days already have everything they need, having each been out on their own for a few years. But you may choose to upgrade/update some older items or register for fun extras that you probably wouldn't buy for yourself (ice cream maker!?)

justsie · January 2016

I would go ahead and register somewhere that also offers a discount for you to complete your registry shopping. If no one ends up getting you anything from it then you can always use your discount to get the items you'd like to at a cheaper price

tigerlily6 · January 2016

@Viczaesar and @photokitty, thanks for the reminder! I saw this rule on registry etiquette posted elsewhere recently, but it is good to have it reinforced and confirmed.

@mollybarker11 , I like the idea of an ice cream maker, haha! There are definitely a few odd gadgets that would be fun, but not necessary (compost bucket for the kitchen was another one I saw recently that seemed kind of cool/ useful).

@justsie , I have never heard about registry discounts like that, but it sounds perfect! Thanks for the head's up!

Viczaesar · January 2016

photokitty said:

Knottie28432175 said:

We're in the same boat (sort of), as well. We are registering, but just at one place and we are not "advertising" that we are registered. In other words, we won't be including it on invites. We think we might have a link to it on our wedding site, but we aren't certain yet. When we thought about just forgoing it all together, we had lots of family members who were looking forward to getting us gifts and asked if we would register. We aren't going in with the expectation that we'll receive many gifts, but want to have it for those interested in giving us something.

That's good, since it's an absolute no-no to mention gifts in any way on wedding registries. It's fine to have it listed on your wedding website if you decide to do that, provided it isn't on the first page (so people have to seek out the information if they want it; the digital equivalent of asking where you're registered).
Vic, meant wedding announcements. Obviously a wedding registry would mention gifts as it is a list of suggested items. Your wedding invite should in no way, shape or form mention gifts or registries.

Yes, I meant invitations or announcements; thanks for clarifying for me.

SP29 · January 2016

It would be appropriate to have a registry; the size is up to you.

You could also make a registry, but only tell people if they specifically ask.

In my family/friends, most people give cash at weddings, but I do have a friend who will NEVER give cash as a gift. Thus, a registry is a nice option for those individuals.

I got this from someone on here, but it was recommended when selecting a registry to think of anything you would need to host Thanksgiving dinner at your home for your family. Upgrading items is also good. Bath and bedding items also work well.

Knottie28432175 · January 2016

photokitty said:

Knottie28432175 said:

We're in the same boat (sort of), as well. We are registering, but just at one place and we are not "advertising" that we are registered. In other words, we won't be including it on invites. We think we might have a link to it on our wedding site, but we aren't certain yet. When we thought about just forgoing it all together, we had lots of family members who were looking forward to getting us gifts and asked if we would register. We aren't going in with the expectation that we'll receive many gifts, but want to have it for those interested in giving us something.

That's good, since it's an absolute no-no to mention gifts in any way on wedding registries. It's fine to have it listed on your wedding website if you decide to do that, provided it isn't on the first page (so people have to seek out the information if they want it; the digital equivalent of asking where you're registered).
Vic, meant wedding announcements. Obviously a wedding registry would mention gifts as it is a list of suggested items. Your wedding invite should in no way, shape or form mention gifts or registries.

Oh, definitely!

I just thought I'd clarify since I know some people still do that, regardless of proper etiquette. But I agree with OP - always good to reinforce that!

tigerlily6 · January 2016

scribe95 said:

A small registry is perfectly fine. You will likely get a lot of cash gifts.

But I will say there is a ton of stuff you don't think of needing or wanting until you go register. Some of our favorite items were:

Good knives and silverware
Paper shredder
Small, fireproof safe
Luggage
New everyday dishes (not expensive but still using them 10 years later)
Bag chairs
Pillows!

@scribe95 I love the idea of a safe -- thank you for bringing that to my attention! What is a bag chair, though? Like a bean bag chair, or what?

Some basic dishes were on our list, but we ended up getting 2 identical new sets over Christmas from my mom and FMIL -- don't know if that means they both have similar tastes, or if I give out the vibe for "blue floral pattern"!

tigerlily6 · January 2016

Aha, got it! Yeah, those would be quite useful, also! Thank you for the suggestions!

charlotte989875 · January 2016

I wished I had registered for a small clothes steamer (my sister got married 6 months after I did and put it on her registry). Also, nice placemats and table linens (ones that cat won't sleep on when I'm not home!).

But yes, you can register even if there are no showers, as PPs said the completion discount is great and some guests will not like to give cash so with a registry that can get you something they know you will want.

[Deleted User] · January 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I wished I had registered for a small clothes steamer (my sister got married 6 months after I did and put it on her registry). Also, nice placemats and table linens (ones that cat won't sleep on when I'm not home!). But yes, you can register even if there are no showers, as PPs said the completion discount is great and some guests will not like to give cash so with a registry that can get you something they know you will want.

Better pack them away each day then. If your cat is anything like mine, she'll sleep on them anyway! Regardless of how nice they are!

lnixon8 · January 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I wished I had registered for a small clothes steamer (my sister got married 6 months after I did and put it on her registry). Also, nice placemats and table linens (ones that cat won't sleep on when I'm not home!). But yes, you can register even if there are no showers, as PPs said the completion discount is great and some guests will not like to give cash so with a registry that can get you something they know you will want.

I love my steamer!

I used to work at Loft and I fell in love with them...just not when i stood next to it with curled hair and it steamed the curls out of 1/2 my head!

ernursej · January 2016

My love really hates the idea of a registry (in fact would have loved to write no gifts on the invite ... not to worry, we did NOT do that) so we haven't registered. We've lived together for many years and really do not have any room for extras and can easily upgrade items on our own. It was actually quite freeing to remove that to-do from my list. If a friend would like to throw you a shower and asks for thoughts, a wine themed shower could be fun and would decrease the amount of household items you might get. Wine can be enjoyed and the clutter decreases!

CaitFins · April 2016

If you don't want to make a registry, you don't have to.

However, as a guest, regardless of whether there's a shower, I love it when a couple does a registry. It can be a simple one with only a few items - although yes, this is the perfect time to ask for things that you just like or to upgrade items that aren't tip top in quality. Even seeing a registry with 10 or 15 items, even if they're bought, is comforting in trying to get a gift. As someone who feels self-conscious about my financial status, I vastly prefer to give a gift to the couple over money, and I'd prefer to give them something they will love, or at least keep. I literally will check out registries within the first couple months of a couple being engaged, long before showers may or may not occur!

My brother has been married for over a month and is having what some of us here call a "Pretty Princess Day," with his wife, but I still am so happy to see they just put out a registry!! It really makes the entire wedding process feel more real, too.

Jen4948 · April 2016

There is no etiquette rule that you have to register to have a shower - or that you have to register for gifts at all. It's entirely up to you.

CMGragain · April 2016

Modern wedding registries are a convenience for people who want to give you a gift. It prevents you from getting three blenders and a metal chicken. I, personally, appreciate the convenience of being able to call up the store and have them send out the gift, and to know that it is wanted and needed.

Pinksatin91016 · April 2016

I would register if I were you. My fiancé and I weren't going to mostly because even though I know it isn't greedy, it kinda makes me feel weird and like I'm asking for gifts. I know it's ok and acceptable but it still makes me feel guilty. Anyway, we realized even though we have basic needs met, there actually are a few things we don't have have that we wanted. We started trying to keep track of every time we don't have the right sized pot or enough plates (we only have two bowl, we keep washing them and just don't have soup with guests lol) or the handle on the pot broke or whatever. Besides things we don't have, we realized most of the kitchen and home stuff we do have is from Goodwill, Target, Walmart, or a hand me down. Nothing is wrong with that in and of itself, just that some of it is poor quality, breaking, broken, or just generally the cheap stuff you buy when you are just a poor kid in college or just out of college and can't afford anything better. We have room to upgrade is what I'm saying. You might start registering and realize there's more that would improve your household than you thought. Not that people owe these things to you or us, but if it's the one time in your whole life where you can ask for nice things and people might buy them for you and it's socially acceptable, might as well not let that opportunity pass. It's not like we can register next time. There isn't a next time. By the way I am not having any shower that I know of and I don't think that has any bearing on whether or not you can register.

tigerlily6 · April 2016

Thanks, everybody. I did end up registering back in January based off the advice, and I think it was a good call. We only put about 30 items on the list. FI was reluctant to ask for some of the things we already have, but I took advice to take the excuse to potentially upgrade a few hand-me-down items we have like towels and a toaster and some kitchenware. If we don't get anything on there, that's fine, but at least now I feel like guests do have an idea of what to gift us if they feel they want to do so.

SP29 · April 2016

Another good thing about a registry, since one should not advertise their registry anyway, only those looking to purchase from it will know about it.

Either guests will ask yourself, a close family member, or someone from the WP if you have a registry. Or, they will look online to find one.

If no one asks about it, you don't have to tell anyone. You don't have to feel guilty that you're shoving a wish list in anyone's face.

thisismynickname2 · April 2016

tigerlily6 said:

Thanks, everybody. I did end up registering back in January based off the advice, and I think it was a good call. We only put about 30 items on the list. FI was reluctant to ask for some of the things we already have, but I took advice to take the excuse to potentially upgrade a few hand-me-down items we have like towels and a toaster and some kitchenware. If we don't get anything on there, that's fine, but at least now I feel like guests do have an idea of what to gift us if they feel they want to do so.

This is exactly what we did- about 30 items. And I didn't have a shower either and still received most of the items (sent to the house before and immediately after the wedding).
We also got several gift cards to the store, which is great as those gift cards don't expire. We're moving in a few weeks and will be using the cards for new house stuff! Registries can keep on giving, so to speak.

No shower. Should we have a registry?

Re: No shower. Should we have a registry?

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