I really want my amazing friend to be a bridesmaid but...?

Re: I really want my amazing friend to be a bridesmaid but...?

• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2016

  20162304 said:

  I'd love for my good friend to be one of my bridesmaids. She's been great support and is very excited about the wedding. I know she'll be the most helpful out of anyone and I love her to bits. The problem is that I only know her because she was our best mans girlfriend. They broke up about 2 months before we got engaged and had a very on and off relationship before that. They are not speaking at the moment. She's the only person that I really want in the bridal party but I think it might cause some tension. I know she would be ok with it but it's him I'm worried about. I love them both so much it's very frustrating to think that our two favourite people might not be able to be there for us. What do I do?

  
  Do you want her to be a bridesmaid because she's helpful or because she's your friend? Assuming it's because she's your friend, just talk to her. Tell her you want her to be a bridesmaid but you don't want to make her uncomfortable with her ex. Let it be up to her.

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2016

  You pick your bridal party because you want them to stand next to you when you commit to spend the rest of your life with the person you love.  You DO NOT pick your bridal party because they're super organized and will throw awesome parties.
  
  If you want this friend as your bridesmaid, ask her.  You can arrange it so she and her ex do not have to walk side by side and do other things to make her more comfortable.  Adults should be adults and behave themselves when out in public.

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• aurianna member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  adk19 said:

  You pick your bridal party because you want them to stand next to you when you commit to spend the rest of your life with the person you love.  You DO NOT pick your bridal party because they're super organized and will throw awesome parties.
  
  If you want this friend as your bridesmaid, ask her.  You can arrange it so she and her ex do not have to walk side by side and do other things to make her more comfortable.  Adults should be adults and behave themselves when out in public.

  This.
  
  They do not need to interact.
  Just don't have them walk in and out together (this can be handled by letting BMs walk unescorted or just make sure they aren't walking together and perhaps standing as far as part as possible.
  
  Discretely point the two of them out to your photographer and let him/her know it's best if those two aren't posed together.
  
  Do a sweetheart table and put these two at different tables with their dates (if they have any) and their own friends. Or if you do a head table [which will include their dates if they have any], just make sure they're seated on separate sides so they don't have to interact.
  
  As long as no direct interaction is needed, these two should be adult enough to exist in the same room for their good friends' wedding.
  

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• levioosa member

  

  January 2016

  The WP is not required to do anything other than show up, on time, sober, in the right attire and in good spirits.  If you are choosing this girl because she is "helpful," that is wrong.  No one is required to plan and/or pay for the wedding except you and your FI.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• AddieCake member

  

  January 2016

  If she is your friend, and you really want her in your wedding party, then you should ask her.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2016

  It sounds like you really want her to be in your BP, so ask her.  Sure, there will be some awkwardness, but as long as both people are relatively sane adults, it should be fine.

  I had a situation where my b/f at the time was in the WP with his ex.  When they were originally asked, they were a serious couple and living together.  By the time the wedding rolled around, they'd been broken up for 6 months and each attended with their new flame (me being one of the new flames).  There were some serious daggers shot in my direction but, other than that, none of it was a big deal.

  

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