Sex disappointment

CMGragain · January 2016

Ha! I got you with that title, didn't I?

Seriously, my daughter just learned that it's a boy. She was really hoping for a girl this time. I tried to be the good Mommy and said, "God is sending you the perfect baby, and you will love this child with all your heart." She knows that, but she is still disappointed. She is 35.

Any thoughts? Have any of you coped with this? I had one of each, so I haven't been through this.

Oh, by the way, baby-to-be is very healthy and rather large for his fetal age. Yay!

banana468 · January 2016

I have one of each but it was a shock to my system to see a baby girl come out the first time when I was mentally prepared for a boy. Why I have no effing clue.

I think the initial shock will wear off and she'll realize that a vision is a play in her head. Life doesn't go according to the plan we make no matter how hard we try. So part of moving on is just getting the strength to understand what you can't change and then to move on with what life gives you.

Maggie0829 · January 2016

Eh, it is never wrong to be disappointed or bummed if what you were hoping for doesn't come to fruition. I am sure your daughter is still very happy to be having a healthy baby. And once he is born all thoughts of "oh I wanted a girl" will probably cease to exist.

I know that if I were ever to have kids I would be hoping for a girl (of course my main hope would be for a healthy baby). I have always visualized a girl whenever I think of having kids. Probably because I came from a Mom who had all girls and my sister has had all girls (so far) so having a boy just seems alien to me LOL!

Congrats to her and to you!!

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

Hah you did get me with the title. Congrats on the upcoming grandson!

The few people I know personally with two kids did get one of each, so no, haven't dealt with that. I know of people who have, like, 4 boys and they get questions such as, "Are you trying again for a girl?" Good grief! I think number of children is far more of a concern than what sex organs they come out with.

AddieCake · January 2016

Dammit, woman! You got me.

I get being disappointed if you were hoping for something different. It's not like she is going to not love the child, though, and at least she didn't do like one of my former students did. She was on her third, and she posted on FB: "Another fucking girl." Having been trying unsuccessfully for 4 years to have a baby, I was livid and went off. What a thing to say about your baby!

Im sure your daughter will get excited soon.

banana468 · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

Hah you did get me with the title. Congrats on the upcoming grandson!

The few people I know personally with two kids did get one of each, so no, haven't dealt with that. I know of people who have, like, 4 boys and they get questions such as, "Are you trying again for a girl?" Good grief! I think number of children is far more of a concern than what sex organs they come out with.

And unless you feel like making the process really complicated and expensive, there's no fullproof way to "try" for one sex or the other. It's not like doggy style gets you actual dogs.

Maggie0829 · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

Hah you did get me with the title. Congrats on the upcoming grandson!

The few people I know personally with two kids did get one of each, so no, haven't dealt with that. I know of people who have, like, 4 boys and they get questions such as, "Are you trying again for a girl?" Good grief! I think number of children is far more of a concern than what sex organs they come out with.

Ha I love when people ask others if they are going to try for a X. Sure, they can try all they want, but it is still a 50/50 shot. I mean chanting "girl, girl, girl" during the deed won't guarantee anything.

AddieCake · January 2016

I may still try the chanting, JIC.

themosthappy91 · January 2016

This is such a coincidence because I was just thinking about this issue for no reason today! Seriously no reason, I have no kids and am not getting pregnant any time soon.

I really want a girl one day. I want a boy too, but I feel like I'd be much better at making peace with it if I never had a boy than a girl. I think it's because I'm really close with my mom, she's really close with her mom etc.- there's a strong chain of female relationships in my family.

I feel bad that I do want one more than the other. Everyone I've ever known has been very indifferent to the sex and I always wondered if how I feel is really weird. I know I'll love either and a healthy baby is the main thing, but if I'm being honest I do have a preference.

Congrats to you and your daughter though CMGragain.

Maggie0829 · January 2016

AddieCake said:

I may still try the chanting, JIC.

If H and I do ever decide to have kids we would have some opposing chanting going on LOL!

holyguacamole79 · January 2016

Maggie0829 said:

thisismynickname said:

Hah you did get me with the title. Congrats on the upcoming grandson!

The few people I know personally with two kids did get one of each, so no, haven't dealt with that. I know of people who have, like, 4 boys and they get questions such as, "Are you trying again for a girl?" Good grief! I think number of children is far more of a concern than what sex organs they come out with.

Ha I love when people ask others if they are going to try for a X. Sure, they can try all they want, but it is still a 50/50 shot. I mean chanting "girl, girl, girl" during the deed won't guarantee anything.

I assume your husband knows what that means and doesn't think it's directed at him ... or is this a mental chant?

banana468 · January 2016

I hope all of you chanting don't live in condos or apartments with thin walls. It was bad enough having to listen to my neighbors DTD years ago. If they started yelling boy or girl during it I would have probably put in to terminate my lease!

tigerlily6 · January 2016

Congrats to you and your daughter, @CMGragain! Boys tend to dominate both sides of our families. I know it is not genetic, and each time it's supposed to be a 50/50 chance either way. But still. Along with this fact, and also the fact that while FI and I have about 7 girls names we like, we have NO boy names we agree on, I would not be shocked if Murphy's Law blesses us with a gaggle of boys.

CMGragain · January 2016

Just think how happy King Henry VIII would have been!

OK, now I've got that old Herman's Hermits song stuck in my head!

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

This conversation now reminds me of HIMYM when Lily wanted a girl and Marshall wanted a boy... Marshall called his dad who gave him advice to freeze his nuts and point Lily north and eat lemons. Or something. I couldn't find any gifs on this (certainly not while working at least) but Lily tried to do the exact opposite of what Marshall wanted to do.
As long as it's not the size of a watermelon or mistaken for twins before coming out, I'd be happy....

anjemon · January 2016

holyguacamole79 said:

Ha I love when people ask others if they are going to try for a X. Sure, they can try all they want, but it is still a 50/50 shot. I mean chanting "girl, girl, girl" during the deed won't guarantee anything.
I assume your husband knows what that means and doesn't think it's directed at him ... or is this a mental chant?

This is the first thing that came to mind...

ETA: Nevermind, I can't gif because I don't know what I'm doing. But "Chandler is a girl! Chandler is a girl!"

CMGragain · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

This conversation now reminds me of HIMYM when Lily wanted a girl and Marshall wanted a boy... Marshall called his dad who gave him advice to freeze his nuts and point Lily north and eat lemons. Or something. I couldn't find any gifs on this (certainly not while working at least) but Lily tried to do the exact opposite of what Marshall wanted to do.
As long as it's not the size of a watermelon or mistaken for twins before coming out, I'd be happy....

That did happen to me.. it was only one ten pound baby - DD!

Jen4948 · January 2016

Congratulations to you and your daughter.

MobKaz · January 2016

Congratulations to all of you. Prayers for an unremarkable pregnancy and healthy bouncing baby boy!

I grew up with 4 brothers. The majority of my family is males. I grew up with male friends. I was SO convinced that baby #2 was a boy, that, on my way to the hospital, I told my son I would be home soon with baby Joey. Arriving home with a girl, my son said she was "nice" but wanted to know what I did with baby Joey. After 4 grandsons, my daughter was the 5th grandchild and first girl. It's not that I didn't want a daughter, I just felt more comfortable with boys.

My nephew has three daughters. He desperately wanted to try once more for a son. He is finally getting one, along with a second son and a 4th daughter. Triplets. Karma.

madamerwin · January 2016

Congrats to you and your daughter! Now, I don't have kids yet, but I am afraid I will feel the same way your daughter did... I would obviously be happy with a healthy baby regardless of the sex, but I definitely think I would want a girl (I say "think" because it's all hypothetical anyway, and my feelings could very well change at any time).

When my sister was pregnant, she and her H decided not to find out the sex ahead of time, but my sister REALLY wanted a girl to the point that she had anxiety about it being a boy. So, before the baby was born, I went out and bought my sister a super cuter "boy" outfit: pinstripe gray slacks, a checkered button down shirt, suspenders, and a bow-tie. Just having that outfit made her a little more excited for the prospect of having a son, since she could start to picture what he would be like.

It turns out the baby was a girl, so now we have the boy outfit in storage for the next boy to come along in my family.

I guess my point is, I am sure your daughter will come around to it once the shock wears off. If you want to do something for her, maybe pick out a super cute "boy" outfit; maybe, like my sister, this will help her envision having a baby boy. Not that I am super into gendered baby clothes in general, but it worked for my sister!

luckya23 · January 2016

I pretty much only want a girl, especially since I only maybe want one. This past weekend the idea came up to maybe adopt so it's a sure thing.

My sister is having her second boy, and her husband has two boys from his first marriage. My mother was quite upset both times... I think my sister was disappointed too, but that's not really something you admit very openly.

kvruns · January 2016

I've said if we have a kid I couldn't do a gender reveal party where I am also surprised at the party. I sometimes don't react great with surprises and would be afraid I'd look disappointed if it was the gender opposite of what I had been thinking or hoping.

RomanceManaged · January 2016

When I had my son, there were no boys in the family. We are dominated by girls, and I had this picture in my head of dress up days, and painting nails and Disney princesses, and when I went to find out the sex, I was so ready with my girl name I was walking on air. And then they told me they saw a penis. i was crushed for about five seconds, and then elated in that I was having a healthy baby regardless.

Both FI and I want to foster, so if its not in the cards for us later, we'll still have the chance to make memories with a little girl someday.

KeyToHisHeart2017 · January 2016

I feel like I will probably be in this situation in the future. I have a son, FI has 2 daughters. When we have a child together he wants a boy and I want a girl. I, too, have a wonderful close relationship with my mom and I want that with my own daughter. I have tried to form a close bond like that with FI daughters but the oldest is really a mommas girl and already has that bond with her mother and the youngest is so stuck up FI's butt, however she is closer to me than she is to her mom. I've been around since she was 18 months old and the oldest was 6 so I think it was easier for the youngest to attach to me. lol in the end I think I would be ok with having a boy. It would even things up for us, we wouldn't have to buy a bigger house with more bedrooms. And it would give my son a brother to play with together like the girls do.
6 years ago I was sort of disappointed when I found out I was having a boy. But then they told me he may have Down syndrome and I just didn't even care if it was a boy or girl anymore, I just wanted a healthy baby. He ended up being fine, but it was a huge eye opener for me.

ohmrs2014 · January 2016

DH and I wanted a boy so badly when we found we were expecting. We were convinced and everyone around us told us they felt like it was a boy. We received the bloodwork back and it said girl, but of course I wanted to wait until the anatomy scan to confirm. Sure enough, it was a girl.

Of course we were a little disappointed. We had our reasons for wanting a boy, having been through a tragedy with our dear friends (some of you may remember), we were going to honor our friends lost son's memory and name our son after him.

But now, neither one of us would change the outcome for the world. She is the most precious thing in our eyes and we love her to death. Of course we still hope for that boy someday, but if we end up with all girls, we would be just as happy.

jenna8984 · January 2016

Congrats to you & your daughter CMG!

I'm pregnant right now and H and I both have a preference we are leaning towards, but of course we will be thrilled with either. We are only having one so what we get is what we get! Honest to God, I can list you 15 of my friends right now who have 2 same sex babies and only 1 with opposites. Although your chances are always 50/50, the statistics say you're far more likely to have 2 of the same, especially if they are within 2 years of each other.

emmaaa · January 2016

Congratulations on a grandson!

I can understand in some sense where she is coming from. DH and I are TTC and we both have always wanted boys. I had two brothers and all of my friends growing up were boys. DH is afraid he won't know what to do with a girl.

I am convinced that since we desperately want a boy, then it is going to be a girl. Obviously we will be happy either way and we have started thinking about things we can do with a daughter and names and such. DH is convinced that if we have a girl then she is going to be a Daddy's girl. That wouldn't surprise me considering how close I am to my dad.

Obviously your daughter is thankful for a healthy baby and it is okay to be disappointed. I think once she lets it sink in that it is another boy, she won't care that he isn't a girl.

kvruns · January 2016

emmaaa said:

Congratulations on a grandson!

I can understand in some sense where she is coming from. DH and I are TTC and we both have always wanted boys. I had two brothers and all of my friends growing up were boys. DH is afraid he won't know what to do with a girl.

I am convinced that since we desperately want a boy, then it is going to be a girl. Obviously we will be happy either way and we have started thinking about things we can do with a daughter and names and such. DH is convinced that if we have a girl then she is going to be a Daddy's girl. That wouldn't surprise me considering how close I am to my dad.

Obviously your daughter is thankful for a healthy baby and it is okay to be disappointed. I think once she lets it sink in that it is another boy, she won't care that he isn't a girl.

My best friend has always joked that I would have 12 girls because I would keep trying for a boy since I've always wanted a boy and that is it. Reality is it will be one and done and we will be happy if we ever have one.

labro · January 2016

Congratulations! I definitely get the feeling....I'm sure I'm already setting myself up for it someday whenever we get around to TTC. We'll be another of those opposing chanting households....H says he's doing the "boy dance". Whatever the hell that entails.

sarahufl · January 2016

Ideally, I would like one of each. But I really want a girl. I come from a girl-heavy family, so the idea of a boy seems really, really foreign to me.

I am completely convinced (at 29 weeks) that I am pregnant with a boy and will be SHOCKED if a girl comes out. But who knows?

What bothers me is input from strangers- people keep asking my parents if they are bummed to not have any grandsons (they have 4 gorgeous, healthy, hilarious, lovely little granddaughters) and it pisses my mom off to no end. She always tells people "the more grands (of whatever sex), the better!" but don't ever make it seem like they "need" a boy or their granddaughters just aren't enough. They say I am "the last hope!". Not to mention being ultra annoying, it also puts undue pressure on me. As if I can do something about it.

IMO- if you literally would not be happy with one sex or the other, you need to adopt. Because there is no way to guarantee it the old-fashioned way.

Congrats on a healthy grandson!

julieanne912 · January 2016

Congrats on the new grandson!

My mom was 100% convinced I'd be a boy (this was before they checked that sorta thing ahead of time). The dad's side is what determines it, and there hadn't been any girls born into the family in like 4 generations or something like that. My mom had 2 boys before me (one died), and my dad's brother had 3 boys.

Well out I came, the doctor said it's a girl! My mom said "Are you sure?".

But after the initial shock, everyone was pretty stoked I guess, except my dad's mother... she was a very stoic lady. My mom had to ask her to go to the store to buy a "going home" outfit because all my mom had were boy things, and my dad was at work. My ever practical grandma came back with a plain turquoise onesie with no decorations or anything on it at all. Mom was so disappointed.

As for me, I don't think I'd really care either way, but I slightly lean towards a girl... most of our friends have boys and a girl would be fun.

Sex disappointment

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