Wedding Party

Whole Lot of Pregnant at our Wedding - Ideas for Attendants', etc., Comfort?

Hello, all! I posted this also in Maids and Moms, but I'm hoping to cast a wide net! 

This is a question about many people's comfort, so bear with the length, please.

So, we knew when we started planning that my MoH was and would be pregnant. When we settled on the date for the wedding, her due date was a month after our wedding date - a little risky, but likely to be ok. At her ultrasound, she found out "the baby" is twin babies! Very exciting! It does also move up her due date, so it's likely she'll miss at least one of the events she's helping plan/ coordinate: the shower, the bachelorette, or the wedding itself. This is fine with me, as she is already super involved - that is, I'll still feel like my best friend was a big part of my wedding, regardless of what she needs to miss. However, (and I think this is going to sound self-involved and crazy, but hear me out) she has expressed several times that being a "good" MoH and part of the wedding is a Big Deal to her. She has literally had a Pinterest board for my wedding since before she started dating her now-husband of almost four years. I can be very type A, so I was a very organized MoH for their wedding, and I think she has been worried that she won't "live up" to my standards - but I don't need another me, I need her, as I have expressed. I'll get to more of the day-of comfort questions below, but when she misses things - what can I do to make sure she feels (a) feels involved and (b) like she is being a GREAT MoH (which she is!)?
My ideas so far are:
(1)If she misses the bachelorette, arrange to EITHER have a girls' night ASAP after the babies come that "mimics" the bachelorette, but with the focus on her, instead, if the twins have already been born OR, if she ends up on bed rest, etc., ask her in-laws or hubby to keep their toddler and come over with photos from the night, a movie we both like, and some faux-trash food (like black bean cheeseburgers and avocado fries? She is very health-conscious but likes to indulge as much as anyone.) and just hang out for an evening.
(2)If she misses the wedding, ask our caterer to make up a plate of our food and ask one of the attendants who lives nearby to drop it by either on their way home or the next morning. Get her bouquet delivered as an arrangement, instead. 
Other ideas???

Next: we have another attendant who will also be pregnant (5-6 mos.). We also have a day-of vendor who will be a little further along.  The vendor seems to have her plan pretty clear, and she's bringing help. But what all can I do to ensure that everyone has the rest and help that they need? AND to keep my MoH comfortable if she is there, either still pregnant or remarkably quickly after a double birth?
I am going to make sure to have chairs set aside in the front row; I could also dress up some chairs that can be set in the line of attendants? Right now, both attendants are saying that if they are there, then they are fine to stand - but I want to make sure they have another plan, too, without babying them. (Our ceremony will be very short and sweet - no readings, no extra ceremonies. Just the I Dos, the ring, and one prayer/song. Should be about 15 minutes.) I was already going to keep photos short, but I will also make sure to have seating arrangements for photos, as well.) I'm also asking another attendant to basically look after each of these ladies (one per pregnant lady) - keep a bottle of water on hand, keep snacks around, etc.  

Other general things: the attendants are choosing from two dresses, both of which the MoH tried on in her current pregnant state and assessed for comfort. The bar will have a variety of mocktail options, too.

I would appreciate any suggestions. I've never had to carry another human being around in my body, so I would love ideas and tips from those who have.

Re: Whole Lot of Pregnant at our Wedding - Ideas for Attendants', etc., Comfort?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    I had a BM who was 7.5 months along and my wedding was OOT (3 hour drive).  She was high risk also.

    I had her pick out whatever dress she wanted in the same color as the others. 

    If she couldn't make the wedding I was going to send her bouquet to her.

    I asked her to make a "game time decision".   Meaning at any time she could decide to or not to walk down the aisle, stand with the other BM's, sit with my parents in the front row.   

     I just wanted her comfortable and left everything up to her.

    In the end she got a maternity dress from the same line as the other BMs.  Her choice.  I never saw the dress (even a picture) until the wedding day. She walked down the aisle, stood with the BM's (short ceremony) and decided to do a reading too!

    My advice is don't stress and just follow their lead.  There is NO WAY they can possibly know how they will feel until the day of the wedding.  So just be flexible.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I think delivering the bouquet is sweet and I like the idea of having a girls night with her if she misses your bachelorette party but honestly I think it'd be strange to re-create the bachelorette. Just go hang out with her and the new twins and bring a movie and food if you want but treat it like you would any other girls night and leave the bachelorette out of it. 

    I think your heart is in the right place. I agree with PPs the best thing is just to be flexible and let them do what they think they can handle which they might not know until day of.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I absolutely love the idea of the floral arrangement. Such a sweet sentiment.  She sounds like a wonderful friend. 

    For everything else, leave it up to them. I'd let them pick out their own dress, along with shoes. 

    For the one with the twins, I'd prepare for her not being there. As much as you want to do something low key with her, even after the babies are born, she may not be able to.  Since she is extremely concerned about participating, I wouldn't mention doing something just the two of you, because she may still feel pressure to follow through.  Twins can be a whole other game.  I don't know of any twins that didn't spend at least 1-2 nights in a NICU, especially since it sounds like she is delivering early.  She may still be in the hospital or have extra baby care to provide at home. 

    I'm not sure I would assign a "keeper."  Leave a seat in the front row for them, with maybe a bottle of water. 

    Just to make sure, is this indoors or outdoors? I'd make sure that there is also a/c. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'd just like to start a slow clap for you OP.  You seem to be truly thinking about the most important people in your life and wanting them to be comfortable on a day that can be draining on a WP member.  And also because this board is full of many brides who seem to be the exact opposite of you at the moment!

  •  Love that you are being so thoughtful. Love the idea of still having her bouquet done & if she's not there, having it delivered to her. Not sure if you need to go through the work of having dinner sent to her. But a piece of cake (if you have one) and a favor (if you have them) would be nice.

    If she misses the bachelorette party, just plan a girls night in with her, even if it's just the two of you. Do what you talked about. With how far along she will be or even if it's after the pregnancy, it would probably be easier for her if you just do a girls night in instead of a girls night out. Maybe plan it to start close to the time the toddler would be going to bed & then dad can help out with the twins.

    I think you have everything covered for the comfort of your BM. You don't need to worry about vendor. Don't worry about decorating chairs. And depending on how the two mom's to be are feeling maybe opt to have all of the bridal party sit down during the vows and just have you and FI standing up. This way the two moms won't feel like they are standing out if they go to sit down.

    You are doing an amazing job letting them pick out dresses that will work for them. And I'm guessing you are letting them pick out their own shoes too. Having snacks & water around for all of your BM and some with the GM is a nice thing to do for all of them. Then none of them will have hangry moments (anger due to hunger).

    And I think all you can do is tell your MOH that you love her and appreciate all that she is doing, but if she has to ask someone else to do something or she has to miss out on something, that it's not a big deal to you because you realize she needs to take care of herself and those babies and you obviously want her to enjoy her pregnancy too.

  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    So my sister gave birth about a month before my wedding. She actually didn't ask for anything very special. She and my other sister with a 5 month old came a little later for hair and makeup. This worked because we only had 2 stylists so bride went first, then the other two BMs and then my sisters could be last.

    Also make sure you have enough space in the wedding day schedule. Food is good for the mommies, but babies need to eat and so we made sure to leave some time for feeding babies. Especially right before the ceremony. Having the littlest one sleep through the ceremony because he had just eaten was less stressful on mom and dad. Of course you can't really control that, but I'd say allow time to let it happen. We actually have super precious pictures of my sister's two kids napping in the "ready room".

    Lastly, while it sounds like you have this covered a bit already, I asked a cousin to come be a designated "baby holder". I thought the most likely problem we would run into is a fussy baby who just wants to be held and either mom might like someone to hold the baby while they're fixing their makeup etc. It worked really well for us, but I'm sure it's a know your crowd type of thing.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was in a wedding once where one of the bridal party members was super pregnant. . .she was not able to stand during the *rehearsal* the night before, and she passed out on the altar during the ceremony.

    So I think you should just have your WP sit during the ceremony. Everybody. Let em all sit. It really is unnecessary and a literal pain in the ass/back/feet to have ppl stand.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

  • I think you sound like a really great friend.  I agree with PP's that the flower arrangement sounds like a nice idea and she would probably love having it in her home. 

    That being said, I'm 6 months pregnant with twins right now, and I think you should count on her not being there.  I'm being very cautious about what I plan for the end of March/early April because I could go into labor early, and my doctor has already removed me from work because of abrupt changes in my health.  I mentioned all of that because so many things can change that won't be anticipated that it'll be easier to assume she won't be there and happily surprised if she ends up there instead of the opposite. 

    I think the girl's night is a nice idea, but will probably be too much.  I think planning something special with her NOW while she is more comfortable/mobile would be really nice.

    All that being said, I'm no twin expert, but thought I'd bring in my perspective :smile: 
  • Thank you all, very much. I particularly appreciate the feedback on making sure there is extra time built-in day of; that seems obvious, now, but I actually hadn't really thought through that. And I think I will be combining the suggestions for a night in before the twins come, if they will hold on through the first week of May - she's in her last semester of a Master's that has been super unnecessarily stressful due to committee problems, and I'm defending my dissertation this April, which is why we couldn't just move events to earlier in her pregnancy. 
    And yes, everyone gets to pick their own shoes, accessories, etc. 
    I think I will plan in my head for her to not be there the day of, but also let her make the plans she is making for being there - if she's not there because Twins, I doubt she will still be thinking about the wedding at that time, even if she feels like it's a major concern at the moment. 
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