Moms and Maids

how is you're realtionship with you're mother in law/future mother in

Okay I know the stereotype of women not getting along well with there mother in laws but honestly I love my future mother in law. She is the best she has offered to help with planning the wedding and she offered to take me wedding dress shopping as well. We got along really well we talk on Facebook and whenever my fiancé is on the phone with her I always ask to speak with her. The first time I meet his family I remember that she hugged me and said I always hoped my son would find a nice girl. I didn't expect him to find an amazing girl like you. So how is you're realtionship
MairePoppy
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Re: how is you're realtionship with you're mother in law/future mother in

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I have a great relationship with my MIL. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut
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    I love my FMIL. She's fantastic.

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  • I also love my FMIL and so far all my ILs. FI only has a brother (also engaged), so I think she really enjoys having some girls in the mix with FSIL and me. I am also really close with my mom, whom I talk to multiple times a week. I try to reach out to FMIL about once a week either through call, text, or internet about how FI and I are doing, and I think she appreciates this a lot since FI is kind of bad about keeping in touch. 
                        


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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    I have a good relationship with my MIL.  She is a bit of a character, but I love her!
    Moppet82
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    I'm in the opposite situation.

    Now, if you speak with my FMIL she will talk all  day about how great I am and how much she loves me.    However, we have major boundary issues with her, that luckily FI is great at recognizing and squashing.  She never even dated after divorcing FFIL when FI was one, so FI has always been her plus one to everything and now that he has his own plus one, she's clearly unhappy about it.  

    Examples include rearranging our place when we were on vacation, various inquiries into our finances, or her insistence that we have three children who will be baptized.  She also accuses me of pressuring FI into all of our major decisions (buying a house, getting married, etc).  She has also questioned every single vendor for the wedding.  For example, we're using a friend as an officiant and she said "you better make sure that's legal before you pop out 2 or 3 babies and discover they're bastards."

    At the end of the day, she has always dreamed of having a close relationship with her FDIL but has no interest in putting in the work to develop that relationship.  I have offered to meet for lunch or dinner, go shopping, etc and she turns me down each time.    She PAS'd (parent alienation syndrome) FI pretty bad so I think she expected whomever he marries to just worship her single mom feet and he started to recognize the PAS right before meeting me so I get the blame.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    I'm in the opposite situation.

    Now, if you speak with my FMIL she will talk all  day about how great I am and how much she loves me.    However, we have major boundary issues with her, that luckily FI is great at recognizing and squashing.  She never even dated after divorcing FFIL when FI was one, so FI has always been her plus one to everything and now that he has his own plus one, she's clearly unhappy about it.  

    Examples include rearranging our place when we were on vacation, various inquiries into our finances, or her insistence that we have three children who will be baptized.  She also accuses me of pressuring FI into all of our major decisions (buying a house, getting married, etc).  She has also questioned every single vendor for the wedding.  For example, we're using a friend as an officiant and she said "you better make sure that's legal before you pop out 2 or 3 babies and discover they're bastards."

    At the end of the day, she has always dreamed of having a close relationship with her FDIL but has no interest in putting in the work to develop that relationship.  I have offered to meet for lunch or dinner, go shopping, etc and she turns me down each time.    She PAS'd (parent alienation syndrome) FI pretty bad so I think she expected whomever he marries to just worship her single mom feet and he started to recognize the PAS right before meeting me so I get the blame.

    Wait, what?  She really said that!  That is crazy! 

    I'm glad your FI recognizes many of the issues with FMIL.

    kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    My MIL lives across the country.  She has never once step foot in my home.   We come to her 1-2 times a year.

     Overall I like her.  I even call her about once a month.  Sometimes more (like this past weekend to check up on her because of the storm).    

    She is a wealth of information.  She is the know-it-all for the family.  So of you need info, she is the go-to-person.

    She would never overstep her bounds.  Actually I somethings think she is too far the other direction.   Basically DH has to call her (which he does a few times a week).  She rarely picks up the phone to call us.    Sometimes she comes across as not interested in DH's life.     However, if DH doesn't call after a week she complains.    

    She is funny.  She is happier when she has something to complain about.     "Oh DH and his wife are coming into town.  They use so much water.  They use too much toilet paper.  They always want to eat".  Then if we do not stay there its "why are you not staying with me?"  Basically we can't win.  LOL

    Oh after 9 YEARS, I finally got her the perfect gift.  In the past she would open a gift and be like "why did you buy that?".     This years gift was a HUGE hit.  She tells everyone how great DH's gift was (really it was me who found and bought the gift :tongue: ).  It's a throw and she uses it all day everyday.   Yay, finally!!!!  Sigh, now I have to start on next year's gift.


    I love her.






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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    I'm in the opposite situation.

    Now, if you speak with my FMIL she will talk all  day about how great I am and how much she loves me.    However, we have major boundary issues with her, that luckily FI is great at recognizing and squashing.  She never even dated after divorcing FFIL when FI was one, so FI has always been her plus one to everything and now that he has his own plus one, she's clearly unhappy about it.  

    Examples include rearranging our place when we were on vacation, various inquiries into our finances, or her insistence that we have three children who will be baptized.  She also accuses me of pressuring FI into all of our major decisions (buying a house, getting married, etc).  She has also questioned every single vendor for the wedding.  For example, we're using a friend as an officiant and she said "you better make sure that's legal before you pop out 2 or 3 babies and discover they're bastards."

    At the end of the day, she has always dreamed of having a close relationship with her FDIL but has no interest in putting in the work to develop that relationship.  I have offered to meet for lunch or dinner, go shopping, etc and she turns me down each time.    She PAS'd (parent alienation syndrome) FI pretty bad so I think she expected whomever he marries to just worship her single mom feet and he started to recognize the PAS right before meeting me so I get the blame.

    Wait, what?  She really said that!  That is crazy! 

    I'm glad your FI recognizes many of the issues with FMIL.

    Oh yes, that's a verbatim quote.  It's such a typical response from her we just laugh about it.  

    One time while driving with FI to an out of town funeral (that I was of course not invited to - which is fine by me but just another example) she was going on and on about our 3 babies and how they must be baptized.  FI lost it and was like "how many times do we have to tell you; we won't prevent one.  One.  That's it!"  Her response was "Well maybe you'll have twins!"  *Sigh*
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    My MIL totally sucks.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    I'm in the opposite situation.

    Now, if you speak with my FMIL she will talk all  day about how great I am and how much she loves me.    However, we have major boundary issues with her, that luckily FI is great at recognizing and squashing.  She never even dated after divorcing FFIL when FI was one, so FI has always been her plus one to everything and now that he has his own plus one, she's clearly unhappy about it.  

    Examples include rearranging our place when we were on vacation, various inquiries into our finances, or her insistence that we have three children who will be baptized.  She also accuses me of pressuring FI into all of our major decisions (buying a house, getting married, etc).  She has also questioned every single vendor for the wedding.  For example, we're using a friend as an officiant and she said "you better make sure that's legal before you pop out 2 or 3 babies and discover they're bastards."

    At the end of the day, she has always dreamed of having a close relationship with her FDIL but has no interest in putting in the work to develop that relationship.  I have offered to meet for lunch or dinner, go shopping, etc and she turns me down each time.    She PAS'd (parent alienation syndrome) FI pretty bad so I think she expected whomever he marries to just worship her single mom feet and he started to recognize the PAS right before meeting me so I get the blame.


    Wait, what?  She really said that!  That is crazy! 

    I'm glad your FI recognizes many of the issues with FMIL.


    Oh yes, that's a verbatim quote.  It's such a typical response from her we just laugh about it.  

    One time while driving with FI to an out of town funeral (that I was of course not invited to - which is fine by me but just another example) she was going on and on about our 3 babies and how they must be baptized.  FI lost it and was like "how many times do we have to tell you; we won't prevent one.  One.  That's it!"  Her response was "Well maybe you'll have twins!"  *Sigh*


    Sounds like your FMIL is BSC.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    Jen4948 said:
    Sounds like your FMIL is BSC.

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I have a great relationship with my MIL. I'm very lucky. 

    Moppet82
  • We don't have much of a relationship, mostly because they live across the country and H doesn't have a close relationship with her (it is his step mom). They communicate some via text because his dad never responds but that is about it. I'm sure if we were geographically closer it would be different but H has only ever known her from a distance.
  • I love my MIL. She's such a sweet person. I really like all of my in-laws.

    When it was just me and a couple of close friends after my bachelorette party they were jokingly asking me about my in-laws and I remember being pretty drunk and saying that I like them more than my family. I hadn't really thought about it before but that wasn't a lie. To be fair though I'm dealing with a lot of drama with my own mother and family right now so his family seems so nice and drama free. 

    I definitely like holidays at his family better. They drink during their holidays, not like a lot but a glass of wine at dinner, a cocktail before dinner, and their holidays are focused on family. Whereas my family is super religious, they don't drink, and while there is some family focus at holidays it's mostly about religion and me being an atheist now makes the holidays a little unpleasant.

    It's funny because he'll get upset at his parents for what seem like the smallest things to me and I'm like you don't know how good you have it! However I'm sure if I lived with them for many years I'd probably see some more of their flaws.
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  • I have a great relationship with my FMIL. Usually when she and FI talk, he puts her on speaker so we can all talk. He's not big on phone conversations, so it often becomes her and I. I even call her sometimes on my own.

    She had three boys, so she is very happy to have women to talk to now that one of her sons is married, and one is engaged. She's all about helping with wedding planning, and making sure we have what we need for family support, which is sweet of her. Our only problems are (1)my FI is terrible at communicating, so I have to constantly remind him to call family (he loves them all-- just horrible memory issues and doesn't like the phone) and (2) he health is really, really bad. We don't always know when she doesn't pick up the phone whether she's in the hospital or just busy. For a few weeks, she didn't contact us because her health issues had depressed her to the point she didn't want to talk to anyone.

    Fortunately, her current healthcare provider is wonderful, and that front has been getting better.





    Moppet82OurWildKingdom
  • FMIL is not currently speaking to us, so I'm jealous of everyone who is able to right off the bat say they love their MIL.  The details of what happened are a bit boring, but the gist of it is that FI is waiting for an apology from her, and she's waiting for an apology from him.  Ultimately, though, it was really a case of the proverbial straw, and I think FI is happier having her removed from his life altogether -- she's a toxic woman who has never been a good mother, and raised her children in an emotionally abusive environment.

    Awhile ago we met with her for coffee.  We walked into the nearly empty cafe where she was already sitting at the smallest available table with one additional seat pulled up.  There were loads of tables that were meant for three or four patrons, but nope, she chose the only table suitable for only two.  She took one look at me, pursed her lips and sighed.  She also did tell me when she first met me that she thought I'd be darker since FI liked his women daarrrk.  I guess her passive-aggressiveness just speaks for her overall character.
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  • nerdwifenerdwife
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    edited January 2016
    levioosa said:
    I'm not engaged yet, but I don't have the best relationship with SO's mom (we've been together 3 years).  She tends to get involved in things she shouldn't, and she drives me crazy with her anti-abortion, anti-vaxx, and anti-birth control propaganda.  She's always giving me pamphlets about not vaccinating our future children.  No.  Any future children are being vaccinated.
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is horrible. Does your SO argue with her about it or just kind of smile and nod? I feel like with people who have opinions like this (aka ones not based in reality), it's a waste of energy to argue with them.

    PS - I'm currently reading HP for the first time (on book six!) and your sig makes me smile.

    ETA words
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
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    nerdwife said:
    levioosa said:
    I'm not engaged yet, but I don't have the best relationship with SO's mom (we've been together 3 years).  She tends to get involved in things she shouldn't, and she drives me crazy with her anti-abortion, anti-vaxx, and anti-birth control propaganda.  She's always giving me pamphlets about not vaccinating our future children.  No.  Any future children are being vaccinated.
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is horrible. Does your SO argue with her about it or just kind of smile and nod? I feel like with people who have opinions like this (aka ones not based in reality), it's a waste of energy to argue with them.

    PS - I'm currently reading HP for the first time (on book six!) and your sig makes me smile.

    ETA words
    He picks his battles with her.  Most of the time it's "ooookayy, Mom.  I don't want to talk about this anymore/right now."  It's hard because she really does mean well, she's just so misinformed.  And all his parents do is watch Fox News, so that doesn't help either. 

    HP FOR LIFE.  haha.  I think book 7 is the best out of all of them, but they are all amazing. By book 7 she really came into her own as an author and the content is much more mature. 


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  • levioosa said:
    nerdwife said:
    levioosa said:
    I'm not engaged yet, but I don't have the best relationship with SO's mom (we've been together 3 years).  She tends to get involved in things she shouldn't, and she drives me crazy with her anti-abortion, anti-vaxx, and anti-birth control propaganda.  She's always giving me pamphlets about not vaccinating our future children.  No.  Any future children are being vaccinated.
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is horrible. Does your SO argue with her about it or just kind of smile and nod? I feel like with people who have opinions like this (aka ones not based in reality), it's a waste of energy to argue with them.

    PS - I'm currently reading HP for the first time (on book six!) and your sig makes me smile.

    ETA words
    He picks his battles with her.  Most of the time it's "ooookayy, Mom.  I don't want to talk about this anymore/right now."  It's hard because she really does mean well, she's just so misinformed.  And all his parents do is watch Fox News, so that doesn't help either. 

    HP FOR LIFE.  haha.  I think book 7 is the best out of all of them, but they are all amazing. By book 7 she really came into her own as an author and the content is much more mature. 
    Yeah, I get that. My mom's boyfriend has some fox news-inspired opinions and I usually opt not to engage. But, then again, he isn't as pushy, and it's mostly beliefs about other people (cough racism cough) that isn't directed at how I run my life. Also, whenever my mom overhears that we're having a, let's say, spirited discussion, she tells him to stop. 

    I'm at the end of book six and honestly had a hard time putting it down this morning. Like, I read it on two subways and then up the five story escalator and literally had to remind myself that I'm an adult with a job that I now must walk to without reading this book.
    levioosaSP29spockforprez
  • Spoonsey said:
    FMIL is not currently speaking to us, so I'm jealous of everyone who is able to right off the bat say they love their MIL.  The details of what happened are a bit boring, but the gist of it is that FI is waiting for an apology from her, and she's waiting for an apology from him.  Ultimately, though, it was really a case of the proverbial straw, and I think FI is happier having her removed from his life altogether -- she's a toxic woman who has never been a good mother, and raised her children in an emotionally abusive environment.

    Awhile ago we met with her for coffee.  We walked into the nearly empty cafe where she was already sitting at the smallest available table with one additional seat pulled up.  There were loads of tables that were meant for three or four patrons, but nope, she chose the only table suitable for only two.  She took one look at me, pursed her lips and sighed.  She also did tell me when she first met me that she thought I'd be darker since FI liked his women daarrrk.  I guess her passive-aggressiveness just speaks for her overall character.
    Ouch. @Spoonsey, sorry to hear this. Your MIL indeed sounds toxic and emotionally hurtful/ manipulative. Ultimately it sounds like a good thing that she has removed herself from the picture. 
                        


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  • I, too, am very lucky.  I was very worried about meeting her for the first time, as I am thirteen years younger than my FI, and I will be his third wife, however, she was extremely kind and gracious to me.  Since then, she, my parents, FI and I all went on a European cruise together, she, my mom and I meet for brunch often, and this past Christmas she told me I was the best thing to happen to her son.  I couldn't have asked for more! :)
    spockforprezOurWildKingdom
  • I'm also one of the lucky ones. I absolutely loooveee my FMIL and she loves me back just as much. She is so sweet and always expressed how thankful she is that FI has me in his life lol. We go to her house often and try to spend time with her. Her and I talk/text often as well. She has offered to help with wedding planning and even offered to have the wedding at her house in the backyard. She is also always telling my mom how she is thankful for the way she raised me lol

    short+sassyMoppet82
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    My MIL is great and I really like her. Whenever I read posts about terrible MILs I always think about how lucky I am.

    Moppet82
  • FI hasn't talked to FMIL in about two weeks.  They only speak really only on a need to basis.  It's not her that's the problem so much as FFIL that's the problem, but the bridge has been burned either way.  Everyone with good relationships with their ILs is seriously BLESSED. I'd give anything to have a good relationship with them.  Sadly, personalities and priorities just don't match up.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I'm not close with my MIL, but we have a generally good relationship.

    DH and she talk on the phone- mostly as needed. DH isn't very close with his family to begin with, so that leaves me a bit further out. We do get together for dinner every month or so. MIL also practices a very conservative religion, so there's a lot we just don't have in common. But I like her, and whenever we're together, the evening is pleasant.

    The best part is that MIL keeps her opinions to herself, doesn't overstep her bounds and doesn't spread any drama. 

    We have often thought about, "would we be able to have any of our parents live with us when they get older?". MIL definitely could. 
  • I'm always so jealous of people who are close to their FMIL. She hates me and I've no clue why. I've always been polite, helped them out, and since my man and I have been together since highschool I even used to help him keep on track in school when they asked me to. But it's like nothing I do is good enough, she's claimed I'm trying to get pregnant (I have an IUD) and that I'm a gold digger l. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised he doesn't have the best relationship with his mother either. She calls him ugly and a failure on a regular basis, he works his butt off with two jobs and my entire family genuinely thinks he's a good looking great guy, so I've just resigned to her not liking me.
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