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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
He's just not that into you?
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
I have been in a relationship with a great guy for about seven years. We got engaged a year ago and this morning he decided he didn’t want to get legally married—something about not wanting the state to have a say in his relationship, and I think he’s worried about potentially having to split assets in the case of a divorce (he earns more than I do). I’m not quite sure how I should take this or what I should do.
—Cold Feet
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Re: He's just not that into you?
I was in that position with my H. Not the BS about "the state having a say in our relationship" (what does that even mean?) or "splitting assets". But when we got together he had already been married twice and was a bit gun shy. Though I did "qualify him" in the beginning to make sure he didn't have the attitude of "I'm never getting married again". He didn't. Or said he didn't.
Then the years passed by with no engagement or even talk of marriage very often. There were a few times I really thought hard about just leaving. But always came to the conclusion I would rather be with him and not married than not be with him. Though it made my heart really sad. Then in year 12...yes, 12...he started talking seriously about getting married and proposed a few months later.
But for the LW, it does not bode well. I mean, she can point out the government already has a say in their relationship. Because the government gets to dictate what rights married vs. non-married couples are entitled to. She can also suggest a pre-nup, if she thinks he is worried about that. But sounds like he has cold feet/changed mind. Unfortunately, she needs to decide if never getting married is a dealbreaker for her.
Or is that only true in the 'not married by the state' uberfundie branches?