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Destination Weddings

DW in Europe? City suggestions?

We are having a DW in Europe, where my fiance's family will be more able to travel... his family are mostly in Eastern Europe, and we can basically pick anywhere within the Schengen zone. 

Any suggestions as to city/country/venue?? I am brand new to this concept and am just starting to research options. Any thoughts are welcome!
Knottie511757

Re: DW in Europe? City suggestions?

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    Th most important thing to consider is the difficulty of the marriage laws within the country selected.

    There are some important questions that you must answer before we can give a recommendation.  Are either you or your FI religious?  If so, what is your church affiliation?  Are you set on having a wedding outdoors, or in any particular place?  Some countries do not allow this.  How long can you spend in the country before the wedding takes place?

    http://www.marryabroad.co.uk/how-to-get-married-in-europe.shtml


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]Knottie511757
  • Thanks for your reply!

    We are not religious; I would prefer an indoor wedding (and we are thinking of Feb-March 2017 or thereabouts, so snow may be an issue). We could spend 4-5 days there. 

    Thank you for that website, that looks extremely helpful!
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please keep in mind that when some of those country's say "no residency requirement" they do require you to be in the country for some weeks/ months beforehand to appear in person to sign forms, give notice etc. Republic of Ireland, for example, has no "residence requirement" but you will have to be there in person 3 months beforehand to give your notice of intent to marry. 
    lc07
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What cities does his family live in? Seems to me it would be easiest to chose one of those (given you can meet the requirements) rather than throwing a dart at a random country....

                                                                     

    image

    [Deleted User]lc07japrincess24
  • His family lives in Belgrade, but those are the people who can travel... his extended family lives in Skopje, Macedonia, which is really difficult to get to so most of his AND my friends would not be able to make it.
  • What are the residency requirements for getting married in either of those places? How long do you need to obtain a fiancée visa? These are things that you need to think of.
  • Pick a city that has easy Airport access to make it easier for guests who are going to be flying in. Where they can easily take a train or taxi to the destination site. Not everyone likes the idea of having to rent a car and drive in a foreign country.  
  • Here are the requirements for getting married in Serbia:

    http://serbia.usembassy.gov/marriage.html

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • it might be simpler to have a religious ceremony and do the legal marriage wherever you live. Getting married in a foreign country, especially where English isn't a language used for official paperwork, can make for headaches later. You may have to get marriage certificates translated/notarized etc for tax or other legal purposes which can be a hassle. Plus, as unpleasant as it is to think about, having a marriage officiated in a foreign country can cause frustrations in the case of divorce. One of my friends got married in Norway and is now trying to divorce from the US, and it's just made everything even more awful for her in a difficult time.

    One of my friends is having a destination wedding in Spain but her "real" wedding is happening where she lives in the city hall for this reason.
    Knottie511757  Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Icexpat said:
    it might be simpler to have a religious ceremony and do the legal marriage wherever you live. Getting married in a foreign country, especially where English isn't a language used for official paperwork, can make for headaches later. You may have to get marriage certificates translated/notarized etc for tax or other legal purposes which can be a hassle. Plus, as unpleasant as it is to think about, having a marriage officiated in a foreign country can cause frustrations in the case of divorce. One of my friends got married in Norway and is now trying to divorce from the US, and it's just made everything even more awful for her in a difficult time.

    One of my friends is having a destination wedding in Spain but her "real" wedding is happening where she lives in the city hall for this reason.


    This is not necessarily good advice for someone who plans on inviting people to attend a destination wedding. If people are spending thousands of dollars and their hard earned vacation time to attend a wedding, it is because they want to see the couple actually marry. It is inconsiderate and rude to those who took the time to attend to see a re-enactment. Of course, if the couple is open and honest about their wedding occurring prior to the trip, then the guests can decide, based on accurate and honest information, if they still want to attend.

    It would also be considered within etiquette if the country in which the couple marries requires separate civil and religious ceremonies. Since two ceremonies would have to occur anyway, it might make sense to have the civil ceremony in the US. However, the legally binding civil ceremony would be the actual wedding and I personally believe it's better to do the religious ceremony first then have the legal ceremony after returning home. I see it that way because the guests would then be witnessing the first time the couple would be saying their vows and making their commitment. In this case, the couple should still be upfront and honest about the legalities of the ceremony. However, if the couple is NOT interested in a religious ceremony, then everything I just said is moot.

     







    charlotte989875CMGragainSP29japrincess24
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2016
    Icexpat said:

    it might be simpler to have a religious ceremony and do the legal marriage wherever you live. Getting married in a foreign country, especially where English isn't a language used for official paperwork, can make for headaches later. You may have to get marriage certificates translated/notarized etc for tax or other legal purposes which can be a hassle. Plus, as unpleasant as it is to think about, having a marriage officiated in a foreign country can cause frustrations in the case of divorce. One of my friends got married in Norway and is now trying to divorce from the US, and it's just made everything even more awful for her in a difficult time.

    One of my friends is having a destination wedding in Spain but her "real" wedding is happening where she lives in the city hall for this reason.


    This is probably the rudest, most selfish, and downright vulgar things a person can do with regards to a destination wedding. It is incredibly selfish to invite people to a wedding an later to find out it is a vow renewal. People don't like being lied to, and most people would reevaluate their friendship with the couple if they found out it wasn't a real wedding- these boards are littered with examples of the anger and dissapintment experienced by guests of PPD, let alone a destination PPD.

    Destination vow renewals are super AW. But they need to be at least billed as such and be completely upfront that it isn't a wedding. It is a destination party thrown by a husband and wife so no gifts, wedding accoutrements, bridal party, showers, or other pre-wedding things.

    If you expect your nearest and dearest to spend thousands to see you get married, the least you can do is actually get married.

    Have some integrity.
    TrixieJessCMGragain[Deleted User]SP29
  • Ditto.  You get ONE wedding day, not two.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]
  • basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    [Deleted User]Knottie511757  Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Sorry, but no. In many European countries, the civil ceremony is the only type that is legal, i.e. the couple must have one even if they wish to be married in a church, thus the separate events. In the USA, this is NOT the case. A church wedding IS legally binding. There ARE officiants who can marry people outside of the church and/or city hall. Anyone who wishes to get married in a certain country should be prepared to adhere to the laws of that country. It is extremely inconsiderate to invite guests to a wedding that is really just a play. If a couple is going to get married in the US and then go to France or Germany or wherever, fine. That can be their honeymoon. It is not okay to expect people to spend thousands of dollars to watch a fake wedding.
    image
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 
    My guess is that this marks the beginning of @Everafterstar 's campaign to improve The Knot by promoting open mindedness/"variety" regarding wedding celebrations.
    [Deleted User]
  • redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 

    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    This is shitty, unhelpful advice.



    [Deleted User]
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 

    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    No one in the service, or any civilian for that matter,  HAS to have a PPD. For you to say THAT blows MY mind.  EVERYONE makes a conscious choice.  No one is ever forced to lie or deceive for a wedding.
    SP29[Deleted User]
  • MobKaz said:
    redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 

    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    No one in the service, or any civilian for that matter,  HAS to have a PPD. For you to say THAT blows MY mind.  EVERYONE makes a conscious choice.  No one is ever forced to lie or deceive for a wedding

    Neither I nor Icexpat said anything about lying for a wedding. Making a conscious choice to have something that a couple themselves pays for, and that someone else does not pay their bills for, it doesn't matter what they think.

     If they choose to go forward in their celebrations, their family and friends know about it, quite frankly it doesn't matter what strangers think. Even the ones on the internet.

    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 

    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    No one in the service, or any civilian for that matter,  HAS to have a PPD. For you to say THAT blows MY mind.  EVERYONE makes a conscious choice.  No one is ever forced to lie or deceive for a wedding

    Neither I nor Icexpat said anything about lying for a wedding. Making a conscious choice to have something that a couple themselves pays for, and that someone else does not pay their bills for, it doesn't matter what they think.

     If they choose to go forward in their celebrations, their family and friends know about it, quite frankly it doesn't matter what strangers think. Even the ones on the internet.

    @Everafterstar, you said, "There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind."

    What were you implying these service personnel did?  No person, whether military or civil, requires more than one ceremony in the US.  It matters not who pays for the ceremony.  There is only one that is recognized, and that is the legal ceremony.  I may not pay for weddings I attend, but if I attended a phony wedding, it does indeed matter what I think.  For someone to host something with such an attitude, they can save a few more dollars and pass on sending me an invitation.
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2016


    redoryx said:




    Icexpat said:

    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.

    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.

    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 


    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    -------TK Fix The BLOODY boxes!!!----


    You seem to have difficulty with reading comprehension. What that poster was talking about was that in parts of Europe if you want to have a church wedding, you must have a civil wedding first for it to be legal.

    As was pointed out by Jells, in NA, you can legally be married in a church so having two ceremonies is not the norm here. What you are describing is a PPD, and those that are Speshul Snowflakes believe that they should be entitled to one because reasons. There are many people on these boards who are either currently serving or who have served who do not like PPDs. Tread carefully.

    ETA: boxes
    SP29
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    redoryx said:
    Icexpat said:
    basically every German wedding I went to was the same way as I describe here, with a civil ceremony in the city hall before the religious ceremony later, sometimes the same day, sometimes a few days apart. Nobody was complaining that they weren't seeing the "real" ceremony when they weren't invited to city hall first and came to the church wedding later. Usually the immediate families and a witness for each person came to the city hall part, followed by a lunch gathering. Later with the church service the usual collection of relatives and friends came and there was the white dress and the log sawing etc.

    maybe this is a cultural thing because the couple getting married is European and we all live in Norway where weddings have a different prominence. As far as I've heard from her (and everyone else I know who's had weddings like this), guests are just thrilled to be part of the celebration. Being able to see the less formal, much smaller civil service isn't considered the better ceremony to witness- it's just part of the whole process. I know people who've done this for immigration purposes as well. They get married in a civil services so that the immigrating partner is able to move, and then have a white-dress-church thing later at a time they can afford it and when there isn't immediate immigration concerns.

    Honestly, I would find it rude if a guest got pissed that they couldn't come to the civil service and didn't think it was a "real" wedding. It's a celebration either way! Weddings are also not just about church vows- there's a whole lot of legal stuff to consider as well, and doing that in a way that doesn't fit the life of the couple doesn't really make sense to me.
    Do whatever you want! It's your celebration, you are paying for it! No one else is paying your bills, so who cares what they say.
    Did you even bother to read any of the other replies? 

    Yes, and I am replying to Icexpat directly. I am reiterating that when someone else doesn't pay your bills, it doesn't matter what they think.  Life brings complications, and I am not going to make someone feel guilty or shameful if they are paying for it. By replying to Icexpat, I am supporting their stance, because that is really what happens in several countries every day. 

    There are also several of my friends and family who are military and they had to do this, to say they can't, it blows my mind.


    No one in the service, or any civilian for that matter,  HAS to have a PPD. For you to say THAT blows MY mind.  EVERYONE makes a conscious choice.  No one is ever forced to lie or deceive for a wedding

    Neither I nor Icexpat said anything about lying for a wedding. Making a conscious choice to have something that a couple themselves pays for, and that someone else does not pay their bills for, it doesn't matter what they think.

     If they choose to go forward in their celebrations, their family and friends know about it, quite frankly it doesn't matter what strangers think. Even the ones on the internet.

    Everafterstar you are correct.  You and anyone else can do whatever the hell they want, especially if they are footing the bill.  However, and this is a big however, that doesn't mean that you won't get major backlash or side-eyes or hurt feelings from friends and family.  All actions have consequences.  So yes, you can do whatever you want, but remember that not everyone is going to be okay with your decision.

  • Did you choose a location yet? I recommend Dublin, Ireland. I was married there in June 2015. I am from the USA, and my hubby is from Dublin, but he has lived in the USA for 15 years. Most of his family are in Europe and most of mine are in the USA. We had 6 months to plan and we encountered numerous challenges.

    Don't believe all the judgmental posters above. My experience is the total opposite. We know many international couples, and there can be unimaginable and irresolvable logistics, so it is common for paper work to be done separately from the ceremony/reception. I have been to several weddings this way and no one has ever been offended, and guests have gladly travelled and celebrated like it is the real thing- because it is just as much a part of the real thing.

    In many weddings I've been to in the USA, no one even sees the couple sign the papers - they do it alone with the celebrant while everyone is a the cocktail hour. I even know people who get offended at the signing of the papers because they believe in separation of church and state - blah, blah, blah. No matter how you do it, there are those who will judge. I say, if someone is offended and would rather not have an invitation, then that is their problem, not yours. You will have a great time celebrating your love and commitment, and they will miss out.

    As for marrying in Dublin, a previous poster said you have to visit 3 months in advance, which is the general rule, but not necessarily true. There are a variety of circumstances that can lead to variations in the requirements. We were able to do everything via email and phone. We made our appointment with the HSE a few days before our wedding to secure all the papers. Our biggest struggle , though was finding a "celebrant" they are booked-out for about two years! We almost had to do the paperwork in the USA, which no one had trouble with, but someone became available, so we were able to do it all together.

    We actually had to talk-down family and friends who wanted us to also do a ceremony in the USA. It took so much time and energy to plan the Dublin one, though that we said, thanks, but no thanks. Still, some of our different groups of friends threw us smaller wedding parties.

    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • In Ireland, you can be married in a registry office, or in a church - nowhere else.  Not very flexible, is it?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]
  • Hello knottie, i would recommend you contact Fernanda at Wedding-luxe.com. They are specialized in destination weddings all over Europe and can advise for many cities, venues, paperworks (easy!). Have a look at their website you will see amazing elopments or with guests weddings. They organized my wedding in Tuscany and all was perfect. Of course a certain reasonable budget is necessary but at the end it's worth to have their help to make things working and enjoy your best dayBest wishes!
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
     Reported this morning. Waiting on the IP check!

     







    CMGragain
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