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Moms and Maids
kerispiwak21
member
What to do with the Bridesmaids Guys while we get ready
Ok I'm mostly having bridesmaids that don't know each other. I have one who is bringing her boyfriend with her. I'm concerned on what to do with him. I wanted to go do nails and have dinner two nights before and than the night before was hoping to have the girls all do a slumber party type of deal. We are all staying in a family house on the water. Then the morning of I really just want it to be girls only... however what do I do with this boyfriend who knows no one and is from out of town?
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Re: What to do with the Bridesmaids Guys while we get ready
While I think you could have the "nails and dinner" night two nights before your wedding, I would give up the night-before slumber party with bridesmaids who don't already know each other, especially since at least one has a BF. If everyone knew each other and there were no SOs in the picture, I might feel differently, but under these circumstances I think "girls' slumber parties" the night before just don't go over all that well and/or aren't practical.
Two weeks after that, the bride in that wedding will then be one of my BMs. Since she will just be married, there is no way that I'm planning on asking her to not spend time with her new H. A few of my BMs have serious boyfriends, too, so I'm thinking it might just be easiest to invite everybody out to dinner, and then those that want a girls' night are free to continue out to the bars/ crash at my place. But nobody, single or not, has to party more than they're comfortable with. Sometimes it's nice to have some breathing space. And hey! The whole point of weddings is to celebrate the love between two people, right? Seems like I should honor my friends' relationships since they are honoring mine.
Make sure all of these pre-wedding things you are planning are optional for all involved. If I were in your BMs situation, I'd probably go with you to get my nails done and have dinner (if BF was invited to dinner - otherwise we would have dinner somewhere together). I wouldn't sleep over, but I would be at your room early enough to get ready with everyone else. It would be rude of me to leave my BF alone for so long without knowing anyone.
But on the wedding day, that is the day when I have to "work" as a BM. So I would leave BF to get ready and probably not expect to see him again until after pictures were finished. That's just typically how weddings work. H & I have had to do that a few times now with weddings and its just what we expect to have to do. But all of these weddings have been generally local to us, it might be different if it were an OOT wedding and I can't arrive until the day of the ceremony.
As far as day of wedding goes, your bridesmaid's boyfriend can keep himself busy I'm sure. One of my bridesmaids had her husband with her who doesn't know anyone except for me and DH, but he managed fine on his own and even ventured out to the local restaurant for lunch where he met some of our other guests. One thing I did do though was invite him back to the room me and the wedding party hung out at during the cocktail hour, so he wouldn't be lonely.
My MOH's bf couldn't make it so she brought her sister and they accepted my offer of staying in my hotel room for that night and the night before the wedding. I left the offer open to any girls who wanted but all of the other girls stayed with their SO which I totally understand. I'd rather sleep next to DH than in a room of girls I don't know so well. It gave me some time to hang out with just my MOH who I don't see much since she lives across the country. The girls got ready mostly on our own that morning and we all met just to put our dresses on and finishing touches at the wedding site. I liked it that way, it made it less stressful than other weddings I've been in where we're all scrambling to use the same space.
I think if you leave these events optional you'll find it's no big deal, you'll still get a few friends who hang out with you the whole time and others might just participate in certain events.
I want to echo PPs in that a slumber party the night before a wedding seems like a rough idea, especially if not everyone knows each other. You are going to need to be rested up for your wedding, so even if everyone ends up staying in the same house you'll probably want to turn in relatively early. It can also get really emotional before your wedding, so I understand wanting to have some support, but honestly that's what your FI is there for. Maybe promise each girl/group of girls to have a girls' night in in a month or so, once the craziness from the wedding has died down?
Dinner and nails would be fun, not a huge time commitment (BF can keep himself busy- if he and BM are even in town at this point?).
I think a sleep over a is a bit much, for most people (yes, I have had a sleepover as a married adult- with 3 other of my very closest friends). I very much like to sleep in my own bed, unless I'm travelling. In which case, I would be sleeping in the hotel bed with DH, not the floor, couch or a random bed, possibly shared with someone I don't know.
When I got married, one of my BMs came in from OOT. She stayed at my mom's her whole stay, because my mom has an extra room, thus no hotel costs. I did hang out with my friends the night before the wedding, but we all went our separate ways after. I did also stay at my mom's the night before the wedding (DH and I came from OOT too), but BM and myself slept in separate beds- got up when we needed to. The day of, my other BM did her own hair and make up, so she came to my mom's house with a bit of time to eat some lunch with us and put on her dress so we could do a few photos before heading to the ceremony.