Attire & Accessories Forum

Did your FI see/help choose your dress?

It's official. I hate wedding dress shopping.  I find the whole process to be stressful and teeming with imaginary expectations.  Even last night, I had another engaged friend and a newly married friend promise me there's a "moment."  I call bullshit!  

So I asked FI last night if he wants to have a vote.  Since I can't decide I thought maybe if he chose it could be special for that reason.  Plus, it's weird not showing him, I tell him everything.  I accidentally tell him what his present is almost everytime!  He's thinking about it, so of course I came here for more expert opinions.  

Re: Did your FI see/help choose your dress?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    My husband was adamant about not seeing the dress, the shoes, or even my jewelry before the ceremony.

    All 3 are nice, but the middle one makes you look smallest in the waist if that's a factor.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Mine didn't want to see although I don't think it was a big deal. Sometimes Say Yes to the Dress is on and he would watch with me and I knew somethings he wouldn't like but they weren't styles I liked either. At the end of the day I was getting what I wanted and his opinion didn't factor in

    For your dresses I like what the shape of 2 does for you but don't care for the lace overlay. I'd pick 3 if we were voting on those 3. 

    I never had "the moment" and lots of people don't. I picked the one I felt most comfortable in and also factored in price. Figured if I was stuck between more than one then price would play in 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I personally like 3 :)

    My husband didn't want a say.  He's old fashioned, I guess.   

    My dress shopping experience was also frustrating and less-than-magical.  I'm plus sized, so that made it even more frustrating.   I went to a bridal boutique in Austin that was suggested in a bridal magazine, and they didn't have anything over a 10.  So, the consultant said she'd hold the dress up in front of me so I'd "get an idea".  Yeah.

    When I got engaged, I was on a project with the Mayo Clinic, so I was in Minnesota every Monday-Friday.   My mom lives in Austin,and I wanted her there, so we had a weekend shopping trip in Austin that sucked. 

    That week, I didn't go to MN because of 4 th of July, but I was working from home.   I found a store with evening hours and confirmed they had dresses in my size range in the styles I knew I liked based on the dresses in did try on.   As I was driving there, I called a friend who lived in the area to see if she could meet me there.   The store was basically empty (it was in the middle of the week), and I got a dress off-the-rack.  I felt a smidge of "magic", but part of it was likely me just wanting to be done with that part of planning.   

    Sorry for the long story.   If your FI is open to giving input and you rock that'd help, go for it.  
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Before I saw these, he said okay, let's see!  He liked 1 best and 3 least actually but said he thinks I need to go again and none of them are it.  Wah Wah!  I just want to be done lol.

    Two was the only one in my size but its technically a strapless under the lace jacket which I'm leery of, but love what the corset back did for my waist!  One is more of what I always thought I would buy. I'm not really a lace or floral girl and the color is beautiful. Three was my friends favorite but I don't know. 

    Yesterdays experience sounds like yours @holyguacamole79I had an appointment but no one to really help me so the dresses on 1 and 3 were clipped on by friends. My cousin actually walked behind the counter to get the veil because I requested one and the lady just walked away. My best friend is going to see if she can get a half day in the next couple weeks so we can go during the week. Not that I'm happy that other people had unpleasant experiences, but it is a relief that not everyone finds it magical. Thanks for understanding my pain!!
  • My vote is for no1, but 2 is a close 2nd  :)

    I know what you mean, I really didn't like dress shopping at all! When I found the dress I bought I was so happy, but it was more because I genuinely thought I wouldn't be able to find one I really liked. Definitely not a huge 'moment'. Whats really wrong with wearing a dress that you like and look nice in, it's annoying that everyone has to be like 'oh when you find the one you'll just know'. Like theres something wrong with me if I dont? Its just a dress! (Albeit the most expensive dress I'll ever purchase!).

    I would really have liked it if my FI had either come with me or at least wanted to see the dress now that its in our house. He doesn't at all, I think he's trying to be traditional whilst I'm terrible with keeping a secret from him. If he wants to, go for it!
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    thats a lovely dress!  I really like the lace at the top.  You look beautiful...and happy:)
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I like #3 the best. I think #1 looks like too much material for your frame. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Hang in there.
  • I took into consideration what H liked. (He didn't like mermaid or strapless, and neither do I). I think I sent him pics of my top three or four (I shopped online, so the dress would look different on the model than on me) and then he didn't see me in the dress until the first look. 
  • My H didn't want to go dress shopping...partly because he was traditional, but mainly because he HATES any kind of shopping trip...

    My dress wasn't a super magical moment, just the one I liked the best in price range.  In my wedding photos I'm smiling from ear to ear, not because of some silly white dress, but because it was the day that I got married to my wonderful Husband and best friend! 

    For me one of the biggest factors in my dress (after price) was if it made me look like a marshmallow or not (plus sized girl here).  I found a dress that went well on my body type and wasn't too crazy or too plain and was perfectly happy with it.

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My DH had no opinion on my dress, didn't want to see it, and just trusted I'd look good. I got paranoid that he wouldn't like what I picked out. I showed him a picture of a new trend I was lusting after (lace and illusion, ethereal) and he said, "That looks like lingerie." That turned me off second-guessing my choice of a beaded dress!
    I was so worried about it that I actually told him, "When we do our first look, please just fake it if you don't like my dress." I think he thinks I was joking, but I wasn't. 
    Ultimately at the first look he said, "That dress is very you." Thank God.

    Moral of story? If you (or any lurkers) have a FI who would like some input to the dress, I think it would be really helpful to have the opinion than nothing at all. 

    A PP said she showed her man a few pictures but not the final choice. I'd go that route. 

  • FI is adament that he doesn't want to know anything about my dress- color, silhouette, anything. I actually warned him that there's pictures of me in it on my phone because he will use it sometimes and I didn't want him to accidentally see them. 

    I actually didn't have that "moment" until the second time I went to try on my dress. I had an appointment at David's and tried on a whole bunch of different styles but didn't love anything. Then I went to a smaller boutique and was between two dresses. One was the style that I had been picturing and the other was totally different. Went to a third salon but didn't love anything there. I went back to the second store a few weeks later and tried on both dresses again and then I had the moment. Ended up getting  a dress completely different from what I pictured, but I love it! (Bonus is that, totally coincidentally, it matches my mom's veil, so I'll be wearing it for my wedding!)

    OP- if you're looking for opinions I think the second one flatters you very nicely, but I'm not crazy about the lace overlay. The third one is beautiful and also looks great on you!
  • My vote is for #3!  It is a beautiful gown!

    My FI has been nagging me since I bought my dress to know what it looks like. However, I always spill the beans, and I for once would like to surprise him. :)
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    H was weirdly traditional about so many wedding related things and I never expected him to be that way. He didn't want to be involved my dress decision, he didn't want to see me before the ceremony. I knew he liked classic and simple....which luckily fits my own preferences so I didn't worry too much about his opinion while I was shopping and I didn't share any photos with him either.

    I actually preferred to keep the outside opinions on my dress pretty minimal. I did two shopping trips by myself, took two of my bridesmaids on one, and did the last two (at the first two stores I went to alone) with my mom and my sister and that was the one I bought my dress at. I don't like the idea of giving everyone a "vote" I guess. My opinion is the only one that matters here and while I trusted my mom and my sister and my friends to be supportive in my decision and honest about what was flattering and what wasn't, it was ultimately 100% up to me.

    FWIW, I love #3 on you. I agree with PP's that #2 does amazing things with your waistline but I'm not crazy about the lace coverup.

  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I had H watch an episode or 2 of Say Yes to the Dress with me. I'd say I love stuff like that, I hate stuff like that. And he'd say yea me, yea me too. So he had an idea of the style I was into but didn't actually see the one.

    I also love #3 on you.



  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    DH didn't want to know anything about my dress except for how much it was going to cost us.

    You look gorgeous in all three options, but #3 is my favorite!

  • My FI asked me if my dress was 'massive' and that's been it so far! He has also been surprisingly traditional with regards to stuff like no first look, doesn't want to see any bridal stuff (not even shoes). I went dress shopping alone, with my MOH and another friend and then I bought my dress with just my FMIL there - and I preferred just having as few people there as possible! Dress shopping was surprisingly draining, and I was just glad it was over! 
  • I bought my dress online because I hate shopping and sales people (because I used to be one and I know how much it sucks). I showed a pic to my bestie and that's it. He'll see it when we do first look photos and everyone else will see it at the ceremony. 

    I like the middle dress best on you if that counts for anything. 
  • FI is being staunchly traditional when it comes to the dress. He doesn't even want me to tell him what my sister's dress looks like because then he'll know what mine doesn't look like. He insisted against a first look, too.

    I think you look absolutely bangin in #2, but I LOVE #3.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Awful photos, we had to be discreet, but 1 and 3 are the new top runners.
    I actually REALLY love 2!  And you look happy!  That's a nice touch. Every picture I see of me I looked either confused or like I have a headache.... haha, yep, it does stink.  Those are all beautiful.... where did you go?
  • Since nobody else was in town with me, I thought of bringing FI with me to help give advice on a dress. But ultimately I ended up going on my own, which was kind of nice, actually. Zero outside pressure. Just me and my budget. Narrowed it down to two and went with one after a 5 minute deliberation. It's lace, 3/4 sleeve off the shoulder, A line. FI said he prefers really simple dresses, so not sure if this will float his boat or not. But I love it and feel confident and comfy (relative to other dresses, at least), and I think happiness is what ultimately makes the bride most beautiful. 

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 2016
    Dress 2 was the first I tried on that day.  I was pleasantly surprised by how great my figure looked in it, and I really liked the lace overlay in person, but was worried about the true strapless dress underneath.  The photos of it disappointed me, and IMO those matter more in the long run.  

    I went back to pick up a dress for one of my bridesmaids and tried dress #3 back on (Sybil by Maggie Sotterro).  I think it's my "if I can't find anything I like better I'll buy it dress."  It's at least 2 sizes too small in this photo, but I think if altered correctly, could be beautiful even on my umpa lumpa frame haha.

    *Insert local Detroit talk here*

    @MandTFebruary62011 Thanks!  I went to I Do Too Bridal in Plymouth (small dress selection, great customer service) and Allure Bridal in Livonia (better dress selection, horrible customer service).  I am likely making my next appointment at The White Dress in Brighton when my sister is home, and am going to try to catch The Brides Project at the next Whimsical Show at St Johns/Plymouth since it's just down the street.

    (FYI Detroit Brides:  I Do Too is getting out of the bridesmaid business so if you're doing a color instead of a dress, send your maids there.  Short dresses are $50 and long are $70!)

    ETA:  @pinupbride6189 , thanks for saying I look banging!  I love that word and compliment;)/
  • I haven't gone dress shopping yet, but I am soon. I have tried talking to FI about what type of dress he does/doesn't like and he changes the subject by saying "you'll look great in anything" and when I try to show him pictures of styles that I like he turns his head and doesn't even look. I would love to have his opinion and its going to kill me to keep it a secret for over a year but he doesn't want to know anything about it. 
    I love #2 on you! 
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry I'm late to this, but I think you look lovely in all of them and #3 was my favorite. The only problem with showing other people in general, and maybe FHs in particular, is that it's not the final product. It doesn't fit you the way it will fit you that day, and you will have your hair done, you will have accessories, etc. So he may pooh pooh a dress that would be absolutely perfect once altered and accessorized. 

    That said... I am dying to show FH my dress. I beg and plead and he refuses. Mostly because he takes delight in torturing me about things like this. I also wanted to get dressed together on the day of (we are spending the night before together) and he wouldn't do that either. He's so funny about certain things he's very traditional on while being very un-traditional in almost all other ways!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Verrrryyy nice! I can't wait to hear how it turns out for you.
  • I feel your pain. I DREAD dress shopping. Last time i went dress shopping (regular dresses) was a disaster and i ended up not buying one. However i think you look lovely in all 3 with number 1 top as my fav with number 2 bottom as my fav. I agree that you haven't found "it" yet-based on your post. I feel mostly bad that the shops where you went weren't very helpful. That would make me walk out of an establishment. I strongly encourage you to research shops further 1-for your size range and 2-most importantly to schedule a personal fitting. Check reviews of the sites you are interested in-see what others said about their experience. The boutiques should be 100% there for you and interested in your business. I think with the proper time and attention given for your fitting that you'll have a better experience and will find "the" dress! Good luck and wish me the same as i've yet to start! 
  • I didn't think I'd have a moment either. It was just my Mom and me shopping. It turns out, I did have a wasn't a crying, dramatized moment like you see on TV, it was MY moment and I knew it as soon as I put on the dress. I tried every style and ended up with a style I didn't think I wanted!  You will have your own aha moment! 
  • Honestly, I didn't have the "magical" moment either. I love my dress, but when people say you'll know it's THE one the second you put it on...I don't think I did. I had narrowed it down to two dresses that were completely different styles. I love my dress, but I don't think I had the "glow" when I put it on like some people say.

    As for my fiance, we are doing first look photos but beyond that, he doesn't have much of an idea of what my dress looks like. I'm not sure he cares, but I'd rather him not see it before the wedding day. Pretty much all he said going in was "I really hope you don't get a big poofy dress," which wasn't my taste anyway, so that worked out fine.

    Good luck! Personally, I like #2 the best, but #3 is my second choice of the ones you posted.
  • The top of #1 looks best/most flattering up there...  The bottom of dress 2 is the most flattering to your figure...  Now combine those two with some lace accents - and wha-la <Fairy God Mesmr Wand Waving> you have THE DRESS!  LOL...

    Odd as it sounds this is why I am disgruntled with the live-shopping experience and have gone to taking accurate measurements and ordering the dress I know I want online...  Only rarely at this point am I disappointed (and why I choose a place that has easy returns!)...

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