Destination Weddings Discussions

European venue ideas

Hello,


We're searching for a small, intimate, romantic chapel or abbey in Europe for our DW, and are hoping for some suggestions. We've been focused on UK/Ireland, but would possibly be willing to look in other western European countries, though decidedly nothing close to beach or tropical. Specifically, we're hoping for a chapel like space that we can rent, and bring our own officiant, preferably close to a castle or house that we can book. We'd love to hear if you have any suggestions, or if anyone has any experience with similar venues.


Disclaimer: I know that this is not popular here, but we are not looking to have a civil service performed in Europe. We are both very religious and will only be getting married in our religious ceremony. After consulting our lawyers and accountants it turns out that we would face quite a tax penalty if we pursued civil marriage because we are both independently successful.  We'll have our lawyers draft contracts/living wills/wills that will fill our needs. Our close group of friends and family that we are flying to the wedding (20-30 people) are well aware and supportive of our deeply held religious beliefs and support us in pursuing a covenant marriage in the church. While I understand that some here may not choose this path, we are really writing to seek advice and recommendations on a venue.

Re: European venue ideas

  • Hello,


    We're searching for a small, intimate, romantic chapel or abbey in Europe for our DW, and are hoping for some suggestions. We've been focused on UK/Ireland, but would possibly be willing to look in other western European countries, though decidedly nothing close to beach or tropical. Specifically, we're hoping for a chapel like space that we can rent, and bring our own officiant, preferably close to a castle or house that we can book. We'd love to hear if you have any suggestions, or if anyone has any experience with similar venues.


    Disclaimer: I know that this is not popular here, but we are not looking to have a civil service performed in Europe. We are both very religious and will only be getting married in our religious ceremony. After consulting our lawyers and accountants it turns out that we would face quite a tax penalty if we pursued civil marriage because we are both independently successful.  We'll have our lawyers draft contracts/living wills/wills that will fill our needs. Our close group of friends and family that we are flying to the wedding (20-30 people) are well aware and supportive of our deeply held religious beliefs and support us in pursuing a covenant marriage in the church. While I understand that some here may not choose this path, we are really writing to seek advice and recommendations on a venue.
    JIC
  • Oh, bless your heart, I do see your confusion. We'll be getting married. In our religion a marriage is solemn commitment before God to be with each other as one for eternity. We do however resent the government defining our relationship, and as avid libertarians believe federal law has no place in our Godly covenant. It is actually a widely held belief in our church and community of believers that the civil document is of no value. I'm also quite aware that the separation of a civil from a religious ceremony is fairly common in parts of Europe and even legally mandated in some. Now, what I was hoping to gather was some information about venues that may be non denominational or retired church facilities that are available for rent to people of all faiths, perhaps an old castle chapel or something similar, where we can celebrate our holy union with out closest friends and family.
  • edited February 2016
    Oh boy.

    H and I are also independently successful and encountered a huge tax penalty when we married. We discussed it beforehand with lawyers and accountants as well. We still married because money is just money. 

    @LondonLisa can give you good insight into what it takes to be married in the UK. It sounds like you aren't at all interested in advice. I am not at all religious but I would imagine that any religious institution would frown upon your idea of what marriage is. 

    ETA: i'm on pain meds so it took me a second. A covenant marriage can have legal implications as well. Yes, it takes a great deal of counseling and steps to join into a covenent marriage and also to disolve one, but if you do ever disolve the marriage, it is handled in the courts, depending on where you live. 

     







  • Oh, bless your heart, I do see your confusion. We'll be getting married. In our religion a marriage is solemn commitment before God to be with each other as one for eternity. We do however resent the government defining our relationship, and as avid libertarians believe federal law has no place in our Godly covenant. It is actually a widely held belief in our church and community of believers that the civil document is of no value. I'm also quite aware that the separation of a civil from a religious ceremony is fairly common in parts of Europe and even legally mandated in some. Now, what I was hoping to gather was some information about venues that may be non denominational or retired church facilities that are available for rent to people of all faiths, perhaps an old castle chapel or something similar, where we can celebrate our holy union with out closest friends and family.
    Firstly, don't try to "bless your heart" as an insult. Backhanded complements are the tools of uneducated narcissists who don't realise how foolishly they behave. The UK  does not have separate civil ceremonies as there is a state religion. All chapels in Ireland/ UK are owned by the religious orders.  Ironically, countries that have separate civil and religious ceremonies are because churches are owned by their religions. It is going to impossible to find a church that is deconsecrated in Europe as the EU law protects them for religious/historical reasons. Isn't government intervention to protect land developers ruining 1,000 year old churches fantastic?

    Why come to our bastion of socialism that is the EU if you are such a libertarian?

    Why not try to get married in a library? Reading a book outside of Ayn Rand for once might actually be good for you. 

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • We have a good number of college, resort, or private chapels in the states that are available for rent to people of all faiths. I was simply hoping to find a similar facility in a beautiful spot in Europe. Forgive me if no such thing exists, but I find it hard to believe that all such facilities are owned by the church. Even a church ruin might make for a romantic spot to get married. While I understand some don't agree with our definition of marriage, I don't understand the vitriol. If you have nothing useful to add you're welcome to ignore the post. I came here because it is a community of people who in theory have undertaken a DW, and might have some useful insight on potential venues. I didn't come because I care what anyone here thinks about our personal religious or political beliefs about my upcoming marriage.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    We have a good number of college, resort, or private chapels in the states that are available for rent to people of all faiths. I was simply hoping to find a similar facility in a beautiful spot in Europe. Forgive me if no such thing exists, but I find it hard to believe that all such facilities are owned by the church. Even a church ruin might make for a romantic spot to get married. While I understand some don't agree with our definition of marriage, I don't understand the vitriol. If you have nothing useful to add you're welcome to ignore the post. I came here because it is a community of people who in theory have undertaken a DW, and might have some useful insight on potential venues. I didn't come because I care what anyone here thinks about our personal religious or political beliefs about my upcoming marriage.
    Yes many people come here to plan a destination wedding.  You are not one of them.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • We have a good number of college, resort, or private chapels in the states that are available for rent to people of all faiths. I was simply hoping to find a similar facility in a beautiful spot in Europe. Forgive me if no such thing exists, but I find it hard to believe that all such facilities are owned by the church. Even a church ruin might make for a romantic spot to get married. While I understand some don't agree with our definition of marriage, I don't understand the vitriol. If you have nothing useful to add you're welcome to ignore the post. I came here because it is a community of people who in theory have undertaken a DW, and might have some useful insight on potential venues. I didn't come because I care what anyone here thinks about our personal religious or political beliefs about my upcoming marriage.
    So, this is the thing. You may want to actually research where you are looking to get "married" before going there. In many parts of the EU, the UK and ESPECIALLY Ireland (it's a Catholic fucking country) the church ceremonies are the legal part of the wedding. 

    If you are so into performing this pantomime, don't drag your friends and family into it. Go to some romantic spot, tell your boyfriend that you love them and go on your merry little way. 

    The reason that you are encountering such "vitriol" is because what you are planning on doing is not a wedding, a wedding implies an actual marriage will be the outcome of this day. You are planning very expensive performance art.

    Not to be all political, but there are people who fight for their rights to be married to the people that they love and it's people like you that make me feel the downswing of humanity.  
  • You all are welcome to call it whatever you want. Would it help you if I said I'm planning a religious ppd or commitment ceremony and I'm looking for a chapel or abbey the will accommodate the group of family and friends who want to be a part of us pledging to spend the rest of eternity together? I have no qualms about your title for our wedding, but we will continue invite people to our marriage ceremony. Also, not to get political like the last poster, but we fully support all people, hetero, homo, asexual, pansexual, transgender, polygamists etc being able to enter into the social contract of their choosing. In fact, this is a logical outcome of separating the personal/religious/spiritual definition of marriage from the civil definition that seeks to further the interests of the state.
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    You all are welcome to call it whatever you want. Would it help you if I said I'm planning a religious ppd or commitment ceremony and I'm looking for a chapel or abbey the will accommodate the group of family and friends who want to be a part of us pledging to spend the rest of eternity together? I have no qualms about your title for our wedding, but we will continue invite people to our marriage ceremony. Also, not to get political like the last poster, but we fully support all people, hetero, homo, asexual, pansexual, transgender, polygamists etc being able to enter into the social contract of their choosing. In fact, this is a logical outcome of separating the personal/religious/spiritual definition of marriage from the civil definition that seeks to further the interests of the state.
    Dude, you aren't getting married. If no one legally acknowledges that you are married you are not married.

    Eta: words
  • You all are welcome to call it whatever you want. Would it help you if I said I'm planning a religious ppd or commitment ceremony and I'm looking for a chapel or abbey the will accommodate the group of family and friends who want to be a part of us pledging to spend the rest of eternity together? I have no qualms about your title for our wedding, but we will continue invite people to our marriage ceremony. Also, not to get political like the last poster, but we fully support all people, hetero, homo, asexual, pansexual, transgender, polygamists etc being able to enter into the social contract of their choosing. In fact, this is a logical outcome of separating the personal/religious/spiritual definition of marriage from the civil definition that seeks to further the interests of the state.
    Dude, you aren't getting married. If no one legally acknowledges that you are married you are not married.

    Eta: words
    Again, feel free to define my marriage any way you want. I'm not concerned about your feelings. The marriage privatization movement has been tossed around by scholars and thinkers of all political philosophies for decades now. Your objections will not change acceptance of this philosophy by those who advocate it. Now, do you have anything useful to add about possible venues?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    My husband and I are very comfortable financially and we pay a lot of taxes.  The idea that you are avoiding legal marriage in order to avoid paying those taxes is highly offensive to me.  I am proud to be a citizen of our country, and tax dodgers like you and your partner disgust me.
    No, I will not help you.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I sure am glad you all took the time out of your busy days to stop by and let us know you had nothing useful to add. Luckily, I don't believe in getting offended, especially by peoples lifestyle or things said to me. On to the matter at hand. I received a kind message from another bride with some suggestions that I'll put here. I'm hoping this thread can become a bit of a repository for venue ideas for couples who, for whatever reason, want a non civil dw in Europe. These all happen to be France: 1. The American church in Paris- beautiful. We hadn't thought about Paris because we've always been a bit underwhelmed bur we are going to pop over on a coming weekend and check this out 2. Chateau de Challain- definitely at the top of the list 3. Castelnau des Fieumarcon- might be a bit harder to get to but still worth a look. I'd encourage any couples looking for something like this to spend some time looking for other resources. If you come across anything, please share it, as there a lot of people who want a similar style wedding, even if they still do want to sign the papers back in the states. If you don't feel like putting on your high boots and wading into the muck spewed from the stitch and itch crowd, please feel free to message me. I'll share any good venues I've come up with happily. I'm willing to help out anyone who is interested, even if they don't share the same values. Best of luck!
  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    I fully admit that this is probably just me giving a bit of a bitter rant, but I want to chime in that I think OP's attitude towards civil marriage is insulting too. I am getting married primarily for religious reasons -- for us, marriage is bigger than just civil status before the government, it is also about partaking in a holy sacrament before God. But note that they key word there is "also" -- even from a religious standpoint, it is a union rooted in SOCIETY and faith. I am incredibly thankful and excited to be able to have my government and nation recognize my marriage to the person I love.

    The interesting thing is because of our conviction to have a religious ceremony, FI and I are paying MORE. It would be much less expensive for us to only do a civil courthouse wedding! But for us it is worth it -- we really want our marriage blessed in our church, and we want our friends and families to be able to come to celebrate with us. Dollar-wise, what we are contributing for helping host our wedding may still be less than what you will have to pay in tax penalties. But percentage-wise, we are making huge sacrifices out of our tight budget to get married according to our values. One of those sacrifices is not being able to go to Europe for our honeymoon, which is our dream honeymoon since we both have graduate degrees in European history and love it so, so much. I'm not trying to complain because we don't have much money or because you do -- but for crying out loud, don't defend your choice not to have a civilly unrecognized union in Europe on religious reasons -- celebrating a spiritual component to your union does not mean the civil aspect of it is null or worthless. They are both worth a lot to us, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. 

     And as for financial motives, I don't feel much sympathy, either. If you can afford to rent out an abby or castle in Europe, I don't really feel bad for you. 

    ETA words
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I fully admit that this is probably just me giving a bit of a bitter rant, but I want to chime in that I think OP's attitude towards civil marriage is insulting too. I am getting married primarily for religious reasons -- for us, marriage is bigger than just civil status before the government, it is also about partaking in a holy sacrament before God. But note that they key word there is "also" -- even from a religious standpoint, it is a union rooted in SOCIETY and faith. I am incredibly thankful and excited to be able to have my government and nation recognize my marriage to the person I love.

    The interesting thing is because of our conviction to have a religious ceremony, FI and I are paying MORE. It would be much less expensive for us to only do a civil courthouse wedding! But for us it is worth it -- we really want our marriage blessed in our church, and we want our friends and families to be able to come to celebrate with us. Dollar-wise, what we are contributing for helping host our wedding may still be less than what you will have to pay in tax penalties. But percentage-wise, we are making huge sacrifices out of our tight budget to get married according to our values. One of those sacrifices is not being able to go to Europe for our honeymoon, which is our dream honeymoon since we both have graduate degrees in European history and love it so, so much. I'm not trying to complain because we don't have much money or because you do -- but for crying out loud, don't defend your choice not to have a civilly unrecognized union in Europe on religious reasons -- celebrating a spiritual component to your union does not mean the civil aspect of it is null or worthless. They are both worth a lot to us, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. 

     And as for financial motives, I don't feel much sympathy, either. If you can afford to rent out an abby or castle in Europe, I don't really feel bad for you. 

    ETA words
    I have to say that I appreciate your post because it didn't come across like you are just ranting. I disagree fully, but thank you for not being rude in your criticism. For us the civil aspect really is just a piece of paper, that has much more negative effect on us than positive. It is a contract that happens to be bad for us, but is good for a lot of other people. I can also promise that our friends and family want to see our wedding to witness us pledge to spend the rest of our lives together, they don't care at all to see us execute a legally binding contract. We had actually planned to elope, but our family asked to be a part of it, knowing full well our plans.

  • I have to say that I appreciate your post because it didn't come across like you are just ranting. I disagree fully, but thank you for not being rude in your criticism. For us the civil aspect really is just a piece of paper, that has much more negative effect on us than positive. It is a contract that happens to be bad for us, but is good for a lot of other people. I can also promise that our friends and family want to see our wedding to witness us pledge to spend the rest of our lives together, they don't care at all to see us execute a legally binding contract. We had actually planned to elope, but our family asked to be a part of it, knowing full well our plans.
    This is the attitude that's pretty insulting to many people here. The contract you're referring to is marriage. And if that's bad for you that's fine, don't get married. But then don't come here asking how to have a "wedding" because that's not what you're doing. A wedding is when two people get married and in this country that means legally (and for many people also spiritually). Many people have fought and are still fighting to have that right not just in this country, but in many countries around the world. This is infuriating to me. You say you want all the trappings of a wedding, and that the spiritual commitment means so much to you, but not enough to legally be considered family?! 

    If you want to have a commitment ceremony, or if you want to make vows to one another in European country, or even if you want to have a prayer done for you by a member of a religious faith, great. But don't call this a wedding and definitely don't call it marriage. 
  • I sure am glad you all took the time out of your busy days to stop by and let us know you had nothing useful to add. Luckily, I don't believe in getting offended, especially by peoples lifestyle or things said to me. On to the matter at hand. I received a kind message from another bride with some suggestions that I'll put here. I'm hoping this thread can become a bit of a repository for venue ideas for couples who, for whatever reason, want a non civil dw in Europe. These all happen to be France: 1. The American church in Paris- beautiful. We hadn't thought about Paris because we've always been a bit underwhelmed bur we are going to pop over on a coming weekend and check this out 2. Chateau de Challain- definitely at the top of the list 3. Castelnau des Fieumarcon- might be a bit harder to get to but still worth a look. I'd encourage any couples looking for something like this to spend some time looking for other resources. If you come across anything, please share it, as there a lot of people who want a similar style wedding, even if they still do want to sign the papers back in the states. If you don't feel like putting on your high boots and wading into the muck spewed from the stitch and itch crowd, please feel free to message me. I'll share any good venues I've come up with happily. I'm willing to help out anyone who is interested, even if they don't share the same values. Best of luck!
    I thought posting the contents of a PM was against TOS??  

  • I sure am glad you all took the time out of your busy days to stop by and let us know you had nothing useful to add. Luckily, I don't believe in getting offended, especially by peoples lifestyle or things said to me. On to the matter at hand. I received a kind message from another bride with some suggestions that I'll put here. I'm hoping this thread can become a bit of a repository for venue ideas for couples who, for whatever reason, want a non civil dw in Europe. These all happen to be France: 1. The American church in Paris- beautiful. We hadn't thought about Paris because we've always been a bit underwhelmed bur we are going to pop over on a coming weekend and check this out 2. Chateau de Challain- definitely at the top of the list 3. Castelnau des Fieumarcon- might be a bit harder to get to but still worth a look. I'd encourage any couples looking for something like this to spend some time looking for other resources. If you come across anything, please share it, as there a lot of people who want a similar style wedding, even if they still do want to sign the papers back in the states. If you don't feel like putting on your high boots and wading into the muck spewed from the stitch and itch crowd, please feel free to message me. I'll share any good venues I've come up with happily. I'm willing to help out anyone who is interested, even if they don't share the same values. Best of luck!
    I thought posting the contents of a PM was against TOS??  


    While I would LOVE to issue a warning to this poster, they did not copy and paste a PM's exact words nor did they do it to call the poster out.

    I am requesting an IP check because this one is a whole new level of SS.

     







  • OP - I'm Canadian and we certainly have different tax structures and laws etc. One thing I'm curious about ... if you are not legally married, do you have the same rights as legally married individuals to visit in the hospital and make decisions for your partner?
  • ernursej said:
    OP - I'm Canadian and we certainly have different tax structures and laws etc. One thing I'm curious about ... if you are not legally married, do you have the same rights as legally married individuals to visit in the hospital and make decisions for your partner?
    The short answer is yes, provided you have the correctly executed documents to show that you are the designated party to make decisions. Visiting is generally a bit easier, as I know of no one who's been asked to produce a marriage license to visit someone.
  • I'll be leaving this discussion as it has obviously been controversial. You'll see that when I first posted, I asked for some helpful advice, and specifically said that I understand not everyone wants to do what we want. I've received very little advice here, and have found some fabulous venues for my wedding through other resources. Needless to say I disagree with many of the sentiments expressed here and I'll point out that this disagreement is legitimate and reasoned. There are many people who differentiate civil from religious marriage and refer to them both as marriage. I'm leaving a link, that while it doesn't delve deep into the academic discourse does outline these thoughts clearly. http://www.thefacultylounge.org/2015/09/religious-marriage-v-legal-marriage.html I'd also like to note that in the TOS someone brought up earlier you'll find this: "Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else's beliefs". I believe this is happening, and while I've never been offended a day in my life, I do think it does a disservice to people who are attempting to plan what should be one of the happiest days of their lives. I'm no longer in need of your services and will finish planning my wedding elsewhere. Best of luck to you all.
  • Thanks for clarifying @Jells2dot0

  • I still think it is all about the money.  I have a nephew who shares this belief.  He has never paid a dime of income tax in his life, and he is 32.  He had better not expect us to bail him out when he gets caught.  If you ask him why, he always spouts this crap about the government interfering in his life.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • What religion is this anyway?
  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2016
    What religion is this anyway?
    Tax Dodgarism?

    Due to their deeply held personal beliefs, people of this faith find it extremely important to avoid as much tax as possible.  This is due to the very principle of taxes, and committed Tax Dodgers will go to any length to avoid even small additional sums, even if it ends up costing them more in the end through lawyers and accountancy bills.  
  • ernursej said:
    OP - I'm Canadian and we certainly have different tax structures and laws etc. One thing I'm curious about ... if you are not legally married, do you have the same rights as legally married individuals to visit in the hospital and make decisions for your partner?
    It's a good thing OP isn't Canadian, if you live together for a certain amount of time, the CRA considers you Common-law and you pay taxes just like a married couple. 

    Have fun with your tax dodging, I work in Accounting and Taxes in Canada and I can tell you that lies always catch up. The majority of our clientele is fixing people like you.
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