NWR: DDs Baptism Luncheon

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

DH and I are planning our DDs Baptism Luncheon. I have a large family so the guest list is rather large (I can't cut the guest list because I have quite a lot of first cousin's and then there is their children).

DH and I want to include at least beer, wine, and soda, but realistically it might not be option as we don't want to go broke. As a guest, would you expect at least beer and wine to be hosted or since its a Baptism and a luncheon, would soda, coffee, and tea suffice?

kvruns · February 2016

I've never been to a Baptism before but just thinking of a luncheon soda/coffee/tea/water would be what I expect. Beer or wine might be an added bonus but if it wasn't there I wouldn't even give it a thought. I'm more likely to think "wow they had alcohol at the lunch" as opposed to thinking "geez I cant believe they didn't offer beer/wine"

lc07 · February 2016

From an etiquette standpoint, of course, you're not required to offer alcohol.

All of my family and friend circles and myself included host alcohol at every single get together - baby shower, wake, baptism, holidays, parties, dinners, casual get togethers, weddings etc. So it would be very unusual for me to attend a get together that didn't have alcohol served at it regardless of the time of day. As such, it would be important to me to host alcohol for the party you describe. But it's definitely not mandatory etiquette-wise.

edited to fix a typo

banana468 · February 2016

I think it's a know your crowd thing.

I've never attended a dry event in my family. Ever. My own kids had Baptism receptions and they had plenty of booze. That said, a Baptism that takes place around noon involves much less drinking than a party starting at 6.

flantastic · February 2016

I would never expect alcohol.

That said, you really cannot cut the guest list? We never considered inviting our own first cousins to a baptism... but I understand if that might be a difficult precedent to set in your family.

madamerwin · February 2016

I also come from a family where there is alcohol at most, if not all, gatherings, but I would not expect alcohol to be served at a baptism luncheon, or really anything with "luncheon" in the name. I guess it depends on the exact timing, but if we are talking about a noon luncheon at a church hall, I would be surprised if there were alcohol. It may be a nice added bonus, but I doubt most people would think twice about not having alcohol.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

The idea that you must invite all of your first cousins to your daughter's baptism is crazy to me, especially if you're struggling to afford it. Of course you can cut the guest list. How about to your (and your husband's) parents, siblings, and their children?

charlotte989875 · February 2016

H's family doesn't do any social event without alcohol so I'd be surprised if they didn't have alcohol, but in general absolutely not. You're not required to have alcohol and coffee/juice/soda is perfectly acceptable.

That being said, I agree with others about cutting the guest list. I've never been to luncheon where all first cousins are invited; what about just the people you're close to?

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

Maybe luncheon is the wrong word to describe it, but it will be from 2-5, which can be lunch hours since Church will end at 1:15pm.

That said, in our family, not everyone goes to church, the information for sure is on the invitation, but sometimes they don't go to the Church, just the "party" afterwards. I've been invited to all of my cousin's children's Religious events and party's/get together's afterwards, as has everyone else in the family. Its the norm in our family to celebrate with our family.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

ohmrs2014 said:

Maybe luncheon is the wrong word to describe it, but it will be from 2-5, which can be lunch hours since Church will end at 1:15pm.

That said, in our family, not everyone goes to church, the information for sure is on the invitation, but sometimes they don't go to the Church, just the "party" afterwards. I've been invited to all of my cousin's children's Religious events and party's/get together's afterwards, as has everyone else in the family. Its the norm in our family to celebrate with our family.

Well ok then! Is it the norm to serve alcohol at these parties? If you just want to stick with the norm, then do that. Or start forging your own path now.

flantastic · February 2016

ohmrs2014 said:

Maybe luncheon is the wrong word to describe it, but it will be from 2-5, which can be lunch hours since Church will end at 1:15pm.

That said, in our family, not everyone goes to church, the information for sure is on the invitation, but sometimes they don't go to the Church, just the "party" afterwards. I've been invited to all of my cousin's children's Religious events and party's/get together's afterwards, as has everyone else in the family. Its the norm in our family to celebrate with our family.

Yeah, we celebrate with the family, but our immediate family. I know my mom laid down the law with my dad's family over my baptism - "no, we will not be inviting cousins"... I'm sure in part because it would have been a struggle to host everyone. Everything was fine. If you truly WANT everyone there, that's one thing, but don't invite a caboodle of people just because they've invited you.

charlotte989875 · February 2016

flantastic said:

ohmrs2014 said:

Maybe luncheon is the wrong word to describe it, but it will be from 2-5, which can be lunch hours since Church will end at 1:15pm.

That said, in our family, not everyone goes to church, the information for sure is on the invitation, but sometimes they don't go to the Church, just the "party" afterwards. I've been invited to all of my cousin's children's Religious events and party's/get together's afterwards, as has everyone else in the family. Its the norm in our family to celebrate with our family.

Yeah, we celebrate with the family, but our immediate family. I know my mom laid down the law with my dad's family over my baptism - "no, we will not be inviting cousins"... I'm sure in part because it would have been a struggle to host everyone. Everything was fine. If you truly WANT everyone there, that's one thing, but don't invite a caboodle of people just because they've invited you.

This. If this is a norm/tradition you want to continue and you really want all these people, great, invite them! And serve what you can afford, which doesn't have to include beer or wine. However, I think my point, and other PPs, is that if you want a smaller gathering, and to serve beer/wine, it's also perfectly fine to only invite a small number as well.

banana468 · February 2016

Can you keep it simple with the food like small plates / desserts and then a few cocktails?

Is this catered or DIY or at a place?

thisismynickname2 · February 2016

I have been to quite a few Baptism luncheons and none of them had alcohol. I say this is just like a wedding- it's nice to have alcohol, but anyone who expects it and is bent out of shape about the lack of it is the rude one, not the host who hosts what they can afford.

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

I thinks just the sticker shock of everything. Obviously I had no idea what my bridal shower and baby shower cost and now that I'm planning my DDs party, it's just crazy LOL.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

ohmrs2014 said:

I thinks just the sticker shock of everything. Obviously I had no idea what my bridal shower and baby shower cost and now that I'm planning my DDs party, it's just crazy LOL.

Well, this is obviously the first of many parties you're going to have for the kid. I expect lots of beer at the kid's 1st birthday party, it's the only way I can get through them. I suggest you look for sales and buy in bulk. And just keep buying. The booze will get drunk during televised sporting events, wine and cheese nights, and random Saturday afternoons. I suggest you just keep a stock that you add to and drink from as the parties/gatherings occur. Joys of parenting?

ETA; Pretend you're stocking up for the zombie apocalypse, only, instead of the undead hoardes, you're expecting hoardes of relatives.

MesmrEwe · February 2016

ohmrs2014 said:

I thinks just the sticker shock of everything. Obviously I had no idea what my bridal shower and baby shower cost and now that I'm planning my DDs party, it's just crazy LOL.

Change the menu option to a simpler/cheaper one (sandwich buffet is a good thing)... When it comes to the Baptism, you're clear to not serve alcohol because it's a kid's event (you'll also encounter the same thing when it comes to First Communion and Confirmation presuming it's a Catholic Baptism).. IMO - you're setting the tone for your future family gatherings, so it's a lot easier to stick to your budget now than dread any future family gatherings.

The only other thing is - is this taking place at your house or is it taking place somewhere like a hotel/VFW/KC/Lion's gathering space?

geebee908 · February 2016

MesmrEwe said:

ohmrs2014 said:

I thinks just the sticker shock of everything. Obviously I had no idea what my bridal shower and baby shower cost and now that I'm planning my DDs party, it's just crazy LOL.

Change the menu option to a simpler/cheaper one (sandwich buffet is a good thing)... When it comes to the Baptism, you're clear to not serve alcohol because it's a kid's event (you'll also encounter the same thing when it comes to First Communion and Confirmation presuming it's a Catholic Baptism).. IMO - you're setting the tone for your future family gatherings, so it's a lot easier to stick to your budget now than dread any future family gatherings.
The only other thing is - is this taking place at your house or is it taking place somewhere like a hotel/VFW/KC/Lion's gathering space?

I'm curious about this also. If I had to invite all the aunts, uncles, cousins and their families for both sides, there's no way I could host at my house; I would have to rent out a larger space. If I were hosting at my house it would only be our immediate families and that might even be tight.

VicTim328 · February 2016

I would never expect alcohol at a baptism luncheon.

And for what it's worth, it would be strange in my family to not be invited to a first cousin's child's baptism. My first cousins have 9 kids so far, and I've been to every baptism or dedication.

SP29 · February 2016

I am just entering the phase of life where baptisms and other children events take over my social calendar from graduations and weddings.

Thus, I have only been to a couple baptisms- alcohol was not served. I would not find it weird to not have alcohol for a lunch time event, particularly if it's more of an open house than a sit down meal.

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

It's going to be at a restaurant so there will be a bar and unfortunately the restaurants won't close the bar down as we are using a private room so the bar is open for the general public which means even if I didn't offer beer and wine, my guests will just pay for it themselves.

The Knights of Columbus in my town has a bar and will be open. They explained even if it's just for soda then it's open so there's nothing I can do about it.

Both will tell guests that alcohol isn't included if that's route we go, but they will still sell it making it a cash bar which is what's driving me insane.

banana468 · February 2016

Is there any way that you can make it in someone's house so you can get away with more DIY?

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

No unfortunately not, not with the guest list. I'm looking at it again trying to cut some people and I might be able to cut a few, but not many.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

I know how we all love signs, but I think you need one. "Pepsi products (Sprite, etc), juice, coffee, and tea provided by ohmrs and husband." Then if people buy their own beer or wine, it won't be a surprise when they're asked for $5.

lovesclimbing · February 2016

Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

I think if you're having it in a place with a bar you should serve beer and wine. If not, yup, you're deciding to have a cash bar event. If you can't afford this party for this number of people, don't have it, but don't invite people to a three hour luncheon with no alcohol available but a bar that will take their cash.

This is is a constant pet peeve of mine. Figure out your budget, then figure out how many people you can afford and where you can afford to do it. Don't start with a must have guest list and must have locations and then scramble to find the money. A baptism doesn't require a massive party!! That's a pure unnecessary luxury.

STARMOON44 · February 2016

lovesclimbing said:

Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong.

Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all.

banana468 · February 2016

STARMOON44 said:

lovesclimbing said:

Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong.

Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all.

This. As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.

MobKaz · February 2016

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

lovesclimbing said:

Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong.

Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all.

This. As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.

At the baptism itself, being held in the church, that event IS indeed alcohol free. The luncheon, which follows the religious ceremony, is held most often, at a private home or at a restaurant. It is now a family celebration. Our family celebrates with alcohol. Typically, consumption will be slightly less on a Sunday afternoon, but beverages will be enjoyed.

ohmrs2014 · February 2016

Thanks for the input. It's not that we can't afford the beer and wine but hey, having a baby if I can save money and not go against etiquette then of course that's what I will do. Like I said, I was just shocked at how expensive the beer and wine packages are.

lovesclimbing · February 2016

MobKaz said:

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

lovesclimbing said:

Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong.

Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all.

This. As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.

At the baptism itself, being held in the church, that event IS indeed alcohol free. The luncheon, which follows the religious ceremony, is held most often, at a private home or at a restaurant. It is now a family celebration. Our family celebrates with alcohol. Typically, consumption will be slightly less on a Sunday afternoon, but beverages will be enjoyed.

@banana468 and @STARMOON44, I agree, and although my H and I both grew up in non-drinking, alcohol-is-wrong households, we now drink socially.

Even so, I would be surprised to find alcohol at a lunch following a baptism. Doesn't mean it's wrong, obviously circles vary. I was just giving my perspective on how I would respond and how all of my family and a lot of my friends would as well to express that no, at least in my circle, alcohol would not be expected, far far from it.

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