Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Anyone have insight on this type of name change?

Ok, please bear with me. A little background... My FI is South American, from Peru. He's lived here in the US since he was a teenager and as far as customs go for either culture he could care less. Originally I wanted to keep my name, for every reason there is and FI is not surprised or bothered by it. When we have kids we would give them both of our last names, my last name is also a unisex first name so giving that to all of my kids as a middle name was also an option.

However, I looked more into FI and his family's names and I really like how some South Americans name their kids. His parents both kept their own names when they married but they gave both last names, with no hyphen, to their children. They have four names but only really use the first and paternal last. I know that's customary for a lot of Latin countries but then my FI brought up the idea of adding each other's last names and I do like the idea of sharing a name with him.

So, we would both have two last names, not hyphenated and we can continue using our own last names professionally. I like this idea best, no one has to have a hyphenated name but we get to share a name and it still feels very equal, which is important to me.

Does anyone have experience with that kind of name change? Did your parents give you both of their names? I'm, not sure about the logistics. 

Re: Anyone have insight on this type of name change?

  • edited February 2016
    While I don't have direct experience, I have two friends who have similar experiences.

    A woman I have known since middle school and her sister have combined last names of their parents. Both her mom and dad kept their last names but gave their daughters a new last name. So, for example: Mom Oscar and Dad Mayer have OlderDaugher Oscarmayer and YoungerDaughter Oscarmayer.

    Another friend of mine married his wife about 15 years ago. Rather than having one take the other's last name, they decided to create a new last name out of their combined last names, so that they would both change their name. He was "Bob" Short and she was "Suzie" Cake and now they (and their kids) are the Shortcake family.

    I have only changed my last name to H's, so while I don't have firsthand experience with double name changes, I would imagine you would both indicate on your marriage license what your last names will be once you are married, and then both proceed with the legal name change process after you are married.

    Edited to add: If you met my friends you would have a hard time picturing their last names as two separate names. I think whatever you and your FI decide will end up sounding like a great last name - especially because it's yours.
    bohobrideCA
  • I took my husband's last name but when we filled out our marriage license there was a part where it asked what both of our names would be after the marriage and it allowed us to change our middle and last names. So for him he kept his the same and I changed my last name. If you are both switching you would just write in your new last name for both of you. 

    My SIL took her maiden name as her middle name and then took her husband's last name. So that is another option. 

    I'm sure the form differs some by state (we got married in NH) but I'm pretty sure there will be similar options no matter where you get married. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I've read that it's traditional in Spanish-speaking countries for one's full name to be:

    First  Father'sLast  Mother'sLast

    for formal purposes.  For more informal purposes one just uses one's first name with one's father's last name.

    When it comes to names in the US, check your local jurisdiction to see if you can so change it.
  • Jen4948 said:
    I've read that it's traditional in Spanish-speaking countries for one's full name to be:

    First  Father'sLast  Mother'sLast

    for formal purposes.  For more informal purposes one just uses one's first name with one's father's last name.

    When it comes to names in the US, check your local jurisdiction to see if you can so change it.
    I've always heard it First Middle MothersLast FathersLast.  And you either use your first or middle name as your everyday name (because they are often family names) and your FathersLast as your real honest last name.  Don't know how it'd be to change a name, only how it is to have a kid.
  • bohobrideCAbohobrideCA San Diego, CA member
    100 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    adk19 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I've read that it's traditional in Spanish-speaking countries for one's full name to be:

    First  Father'sLast  Mother'sLast

    for formal purposes.  For more informal purposes one just uses one's first name with one's father's last name.

    When it comes to names in the US, check your local jurisdiction to see if you can so change it.
    I've always heard it First Middle MothersLast FathersLast.  And you either use your first or middle name as your everyday name (because they are often family names) and your FathersLast as your real honest last name.  Don't know how it'd be to change a name, only how it is to have a kid.
    It definitely can be both ways, depending on the country. For FI's family specifically it's mother first, then father. I'm not too hung up on what's customary in Peru or even in his family. I was just inspired by the way they have two last names that includes both parents. FI and I are both pretty progressive and not traditional so this seems like a cool way to have a "family name" and still go into this marriage as equals. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
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    adk19 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I've read that it's traditional in Spanish-speaking countries for one's full name to be:

    First  Father'sLast  Mother'sLast

    for formal purposes.  For more informal purposes one just uses one's first name with one's father's last name.

    When it comes to names in the US, check your local jurisdiction to see if you can so change it.
    I've always heard it First Middle MothersLast FathersLast.  And you either use your first or middle name as your everyday name (because they are often family names) and your FathersLast as your real honest last name.  Don't know how it'd be to change a name, only how it is to have a kid.
    It definitely can be both ways, depending on the country. For FI's family specifically it's mother first, then father. I'm not too hung up on what's customary in Peru or even in his family. I was just inspired by the way they have two last names that includes both parents. FI and I are both pretty progressive and not traditional so this seems like a cool way to have a "family name" and still go into this marriage as equals. 
    Interesting. My H is also Peruvian, and most of his family does it Fathersname-Mothersname. His grandma's married is Fathersname-Mothersname de Grampsname. (DH is not exactly traditional and has only ever used his father's name.) It's interesting how little cultural things vary so much, even within the same area. 

    Within the US, you've got to look at state rules to figure out what you can do. Sadly, some states are still fairly backwards and allow only limited options for women and don't allow men to change at all, while other states allow you to pretty much do whatever you want. Still, even if you can't change to what you want on your marriage license, a legal name change is always an option.

    I would suggest that since you want to be able to continue to use your respective surnames names professionally that it might be easier to take each other's names as extra middle names in order to avoid any confusion with work. 
    bohobrideCAOurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948 said:
    I've read that it's traditional in Spanish-speaking countries for one's full name to be:

    First  Father'sLast  Mother'sLast

    for formal purposes.  For more informal purposes one just uses one's first name with one's father's last name.

    When it comes to names in the US, check your local jurisdiction to see if you can so change it.
    This. Some places are way more backwards than others, so check state laws. 

    This article is a bit old, but I still find it both chilling and infuriating:
    http://jezebel.com/5980424/man-takes-his-wifes-last-name-is-accused-of-fraud-by-the-state-of-florida
    bohobrideCA
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