Two weddings in one family... things are getting a little awkward

Re: Two weddings in one family... things are getting a little awkward

• crys-crys member

  

  March 2016

  Yes, you are wrong. You have your wedding day and that is it. It is sad you can't make to to her party but as long as they don't try to force you or guilt you into coming, then it is no big deal. It seems like the best time for this party to happen is when Mel is in town and why should more money be spent having her come to town when she is already there for your event?

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1452478592 said:

  My maid of honor, Dani, is also getting married later this year; her wedding is in July while mine is before hers in April. Her maid of honor is her sister, Mel who also happens to be in my wedding party as well. They both live far from me and so planning around their schedule and location has been challenging, but we've been managing until now...
  
  You see, because Mel lives very far away, Dani and Mel's mom scheduled Dani's bridal shower THE VERY NEXT DAY AFTER MY WEDDING in April since Mel will be here that time. Am I wrong for thinking it is a little too soon after my day? Not to mention I won't be able to go to her shower. (Did I mention I'm also Dani's bridesmaid?) 
  
  
  

  I'm sure they understand you won't be able to attend. I also think you should understand that traveling twice instead of once world be expensive and difficult. While you are a bridesmaid, they need to plan what works best for them and the bride.
  
  I suggest getting over it and not mentioning it to any of them. Just send your heartfelt regrets and a gift, if you wish.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  March 2016

  There's nothing wrong with this.   You'll be so happy to relax with your new husband that you won't notice anything else. 

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2016

  I laughed a little before I realized you were serious. You get ONE DAY.  You don't get to monopolize any more time than that.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  March 2016

  Did it occur to you that this probably wasn't your cousins first choice either? If there are cross over guests from your wedding they will likely be tired / hungover, and as you are a bm presumably she would have liked to have had you there. However, logistics and practicalities have spoken. Thats life. It is unreasonable of you to expect people to incur extra costs because you want wll the time surrounding your wedding to be ring fenced.
  
  Wedding DAY. Wedding DAY. Wedding DAY. The clue is in the name.
  
  
  

               

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• LondonLisa member

  

  March 2016

  So you would prefer the out of town friends and family buy another plane ticket and hotel, so they don't attend a shower on a day you don't even have plans with them?! You're sounding awfully Veruca Salt...
  

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2016

  This makes perfect sense.   It's more cost effective for everyone else to do it this way.  
  
  A few years ago MIL and I threw SIL's baby shower to be the day after a cousin's wedding.   Family was in town so while the new bride couldn't make it,  everyone else could.  

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• kvruns member

  

  March 2016

  you should not be upset at this. If you don't want to attend/can't attend, that is OK. We celebrated my FIL's bday the day after the wedding, I'll admit I wasn't happy about it at first because I just wanted to be able to relax the day after the wedding but he was in town and it made sense and it worked out fine.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2016

  My cousin lived OOT, was getting married 6 weeks after my wedding. She had her shower the Sunday after my Friday wedding and it was great! I got to see my family for another day before I went back home and I got to celebrate with my cousin. If she had it a different day I wouldn't have been able to go. 
  
  I think you need to take a step back and think about what is important here.
  
  For the record this past year was insane for weddings in my family. I was married in May, cousin married first week in July, her sister in August, my MOH in September, and my sister in Decemeber. Only one person got upset about it (my MOH, and she looked spoiled and unreasonable). The rest of us were just so happy for each other and that we had so much to celebrate. Seriously life is too short and too many bad things happen to be upset about something like this. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  It'll be okay if you can't attend the shower. If Mel or Dani question that, simply point out that your plans have been established for some time and it's not possible to change them.  They can get over it.

  
  

  If you can send Dani a nice gift in the meantime that she can open at the shower, that would be nice.

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• msuprincess04 member

  

  March 2016

  I know it's a bummer you won't make the shower, but it's something you'll get over and hopefully your friend understands. My cousins did this a few years ago. Everyone was in from out of town for A's wedding, then B's baby shower was the next day. It was very casual, had lots of great food (some leftovers from the wedding), and it was nice to get one more day with everyone before everyone went home. A made it to the shower, but wasn't there all day, and no one faulted her for that. It was nice just to see her.

  "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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• jacques27 member

  

  March 2016

  So, you aren't upset that it was planned for a day you are busy (I'm presuming leaving for honeymoon right away?), Just that it was planned in such close proximity to your wedding day (singular, not plural)?  So even though you have your own thing going on that day, you expect others to put their lives on hold to just bask in the glory that was your wedding day?  Did you honestly not see how self-centered that was when you were typing it all out?
  
  This isn't an "awkward situation". It's not even a situation. Any awkwardness that may exist is of your own creation expecting that life just stands still for everyone else in your newly married glory.  It's not as if they are trying to combine the shower with your rehearsal or reception.

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2016

  Write Dani a heartfelt card about how excited you are for her to get married and how great it's been to share exciting times in both of your lives, and give it to her either on your wedding day or the morning after before she leaves for her shower. 
  
  It's just a shower. 

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  March 2016

  levioosa said:

  I laughed a little before I realized you were serious. You get ONE DAY.  You don't get to monopolize any more time than that.  

  I did too!

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2016

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

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• SP29 member

  

  March 2016

  I can see being bummed out that you can't attend your friends shower, but at the end of the day, oh well.
  
  You are under no obligation to attend (I hope they are not making you feel guilty for not attending).
  
  While it might have been nice for you if the shower was a different weekend (and myself, if I were your friend Dani might find it a bit stressful/draining to have so much going on in one weekend- but that's me), it makes sense that the family doesn't want Mel to have to fly in twice.
  
  Ultimately, it is the host and the bride's decision to determine what day works best. And you get your one wedding day. No awkwardness at all. Decline the invite, send a card and gift.
  
  
  

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• marsupalami member

  

  March 2016

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  Forever. 

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• msuprincess04 member

  

  March 2016

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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• Heffalump member

  

  March 2016

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  I'm going to say a fortnight, but only because I feel like "fortnight" is vastly underutilized. 
  

  �

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  March 2016

  msuprincess04 said:

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  Mine was 3 years ago.  I still have not released my minions to live their own lives yet.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2016

  Heffalump said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  I'm going to say a fortnight, but only because I feel like "fortnight" is vastly underutilized. 
  

  I like fortnight, but I'm going to say a Season.  So, if I'm getting married summer of 2017, nobody is allowed to have a life until Fall of 2017.  No engagements, certainly no weddings, no pregnancies, no graduations, no moving to new cities, no new jobs.  I get from the day of my engagement through Summer of 2017 all to myself.  This applies to bridal party and immediate relatives; cousins and peripheral friends can do whatever the hell they want because I can just disinvite them from my wedding if they don't give me the proper space and sparkles.

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• madamerwin member

  

  March 2016

  msuprincess04 said:

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  Definitely a calendar year, or until your next family member/friend gets married. Whichever is longer.

  

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  March 2016

  madamerwin said:

  msuprincess04 said:

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  Definitely a calendar year, or until your next family member/friend gets married. Whichever is longer.

  Damn, I should have had a Leap Day wedding, I totally could have blocked out 4 years then right?!

  
  

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• madamerwin member

  

  March 2016

  kimmiinthemitten said:

  madamerwin said:

  msuprincess04 said:

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  Definitely a calendar year, or until your next family member/friend gets married. Whichever is longer.

  Damn, I should have had a Leap Day wedding, I totally could have blocked out 4 years then right?!

  Yes! You found the loophole. 

  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  March 2016

  Bridal conclave- everyone has to stay in until white smoke emerges from the chimney and a new bride is chosen.

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• mntravelingmama member

  

  March 2016

  Yes, you are wrong, and no, it's not awkward.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2016

  madamerwin said:

  msuprincess04 said:

  marsupalami said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  One month exactly.

  
  I thought it was a year.

  Definitely a calendar year, or until your next family member/friend gets married. Whichever is longer.

  But you can't use this because nobody is allowed to get engaged during "my time."  They're supposed to put their lives on hold, not be planning their own weddings!!!  You weren't thinking at all with this response, were you?  Gawd!

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  March 2016

  As someone who lives across country from family and has to travel a few times a year to see them, I WELCOME people who plan events on the same weekend.  It's so much easier for those of us who travel.
  
  And yes,  I'm actually able to celebrate a wedding one day and a shower for someone else the next day.    The day after my wedding we celebrated my parent's wedding anniversary. It's not that hard.   It sure beats having to fly out for another event.   Traveling can be expensive.
  
  If you can't make it, then send your regrets.  No big deal.  They will understand.
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• londinium215 member

  

  March 2016

  adk19 said:

  Heffalump said:

  climbingwife said:

  Until how long after your wedding are people supposed to put their lives on hold?

  I'm going to say a fortnight, but only because I feel like "fortnight" is vastly underutilized. 
  

  I like fortnight, but I'm going to say a Season.  So, if I'm getting married summer of 2017, nobody is allowed to have a life until Fall of 2017.  No engagements, certainly no weddings, no pregnancies, no graduations, no moving to new cities, no new jobs.  I get from the day of my engagement through Summer of 2017 all to myself.  This applies to bridal party and immediate relatives; cousins and peripheral friends can do whatever the hell they want because I can just disinvite them from my wedding if they don't give me the proper space and sparkles.

  You laugh, but a friend of mine who is planning her wedding "had" to schedule hers for the winter because one of her friends is getting married in the fall and threw a fit over my friend getting married the same season. 
  
  To avoid arguments my friend scheduled hers for the winter, but I couldn't believe this girl going on and on about how "I can't believe you'd do that to me, you're a horrible person." 
  

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