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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Help! What is the proper way to uninvite a guest from our engagement party?
Someone who is invited to our engagement party has crossed the line by making snide comments about our relationship, and my fiance specifically. She has received an invitation and RSVP's yes, however, she continues to disrespect my fiance and my relationship. It went too far. Is it too late and too rude to uninvite her?
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Re: Help! What is the proper way to uninvite a guest from our engagement party?
If it was something so offensive that both of you would like to end the friendship with this person I would say its fine to un-invite them, just know that it will probably be a 'friendship ending move'.
If this person is a family member and uninviting them would cause huge family drama, then I think it would be necessary to evaluate the repercussions of uninviting them. I guess it all depends on what actually happened, if what was said was really all that offensive, and what relationship you have with this person.
I'm guessing if your fiance feels so strongly about their attendance to his engagement party then what happened was pretty bad (although it could also be an over-reaction on his part). If the friendship is over I see no reason not to 'un-invite' them to the party. Although I don't see why someone who has no respect for your fiance (and I'm assuming had words with him) would want to go to his engagement party, or why would you want to remain friends with said person.
Although if it is a family member then things may get more complicated, I guess more info would be needed about what actually happened.
You can be rude and "un-invite" this person, but then she will have the opportunity of telling everyone that you were unforgivably rude, and she will be correct.
You have a choice:
1. Be rude and tell this person that they are no longer welcome at your engagement party. This will create drama and damage your reputation.
2. Ignore the tittle-tattle, and enjoy your engagement party.
The ONLY exception to this would be if the person physically attacked you or slept with your FI, in which case you should be cancelling your engagement, anyway.
The only way you can "uninvite" her is ending the friendship. Have you even spoken directly to this person to discuss it?
if you want to end the friendship, then tell her directly. Be prepared for the drama.
But it I would have major red flags over my Fi's behaviour if he is issuing petty ultimatums over a "snide remark"
Note I said ex. There's a reason for that.
You can uninvite someone from your life if it's really that bad. (Although I can't imagine a snide remark warranting this.) In this case, you tell the person that you've realized that you no longer want to have any association with them and that you no longer want them in your life. The party would just be an extension of that. But like PPs said, this is the nuclear option. Be sure you're really ready to sever all contact and deal with any related fallout before you go there.
You can un-invite her, if you want to end the friendship. But why not have an adult conversation first?
I've had people say things to me that ended the relationship - if it was that bad, the friendships over and the friendship-ending move of uninviting the person is NBD. If she does as @CMGragain suggested and tells everyone, she's just confirming that she's not the type of person you want to be friends with anyway.
But that's only if she said something really terrible - something that would be friendship ending anyway. Could you tell us the kind of things she said so we have context, please?
True story - my mother broke off contact with her older sister for decades after sis said my dad had a horse's face. The results are two generations of cousins who don't know each other and two elderly sisters who regret the years they didn't share.