Don't want my ex-husband's last name on my invitations

Knottie53999589 · March 2016

I'm sure it's been asked and answered but how the heck do I word our invitations when I still have my ex-husband's last name? I really do not want it on there, but it's my last name (I kept it bc of my kids). Can I just use our first names? First and middle? I'm so lost on this!

photokitty · March 2016

Are your parents hosting? If so, this is a fairly common and traditional wording...it does assume your last name is the same as theirs, but it gets the job done.

Mr. & Mrs. Jon Myer
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
BrideFirstName MiddleName (no last name used)
to
GroomFirstName LastName
Saturday, the tenth of June
two thousand and seventeen
at twelve o’clock in the afternoon
Arctic Club Hotel
700 Third Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Reception to follow

Knottie53999589 · March 2016

No parents hosting. We're at an age where we're beyond that so it would just be our names.

STARMOON44 · March 2016

Knottie53999589 said:

No parents hosting. We're at an age where we're beyond that so it would just be our names.

You can use Jolene and Billy but it's very informal and potentially confusing.

drid · March 2016

i've been the daughter from the first marriage in this situation, and I really only knew my stepmother by her 1st married name anyways. And to me, it didn't matter what her name WAS because she was taking our family name anyways. That was her name that she had gone by, and that was the name her children and her children's friends knew her by. I believe on the invitation they just went by "Bob and Lainie", mostly because the people that knew them went by that (small town). It's not the most etiquette savvy option, but if you're inviting your nearest and dearest, and most people know you by your 1st married name anyways, just rock it! I THINK THE PEOPLE THAT KNOW AND LOVE YOU WILL APPRECIATE YOUR PAST AND WELCOME YOUR PRESENT.

(edited and in caps because I think it's important)

spockforprez · March 2016

Would it be helpful if you thought of the name as your kids' last name and just, mentally, excised their dad out of the whole deal? I know several women who kept their name after divorce for the same reason and that was the mindset that they took in order to feel okay with it.

justkatnow · March 2016

I'm in the same boat as you. I still have my ex-husbands last name and didn't want it on the invites.

But in honesty, it only really bothers us. No one thinks of our ex-husbands when they see that name. It's just the name we've been using.

In the end, I just used it because that's what I have been for 18 years (12 married and 6 divorced).

Good luck

[Deleted User] · March 2016

Knottie53999589 said:

I'm sure it's been asked and answered but how the heck do I word our invitations when I still have my ex-husband's last name? I really do not want it on there, but it's my last name (I kept it bc of my kids). Can I just use our first names? First and middle? I'm so lost on this!

It's YOUR name. You should put your name on your invitation.

photokitty · March 2016

Knottie53999589 said:

No parents hosting. We're at an age where we're beyond that so it would just be our names.

Then you should be adult about it and use your name. It is your name. You decided to keep it, so own it.

Have you thought about what your name will be going forward? If it was important for you to keep your ex's name so your name matched the kids, are you comfortable not having the same last name as them going forward? Maybe they are grown and it's not an issue, but certainly something to think about. I changed my name back to my maiden when I divorced (I never wanted to change it in the first place, but acquiesced), and have not taken my DH's last name since marrying again - so I understand how important your name can be to you.

CharmedPam · March 2016

Knottie53999589 said:

No parents hosting. We're at an age where we're beyond that so it would just be our names.

What's the cut off age for that?

edit: not to sound snarky either, genuinely curious, as I didn't know there was one?

flantastic · March 2016

photokitty said:

show previous quotes

Knottie53999589 said:

No parents hosting. We're at an age where we're beyond that so it would just be our names.
Then you should be adult about it and use your name. It is your name. You decided to keep it, so own it.

This. When reading the thread title, I had no idea how your ex-husband's name was going to end up on your invitation, unless you were letting him host. It's your name now.

EvilSockLady · March 2016

The NSA isn't going to come after you if you use your maiden name or middle name or "Future Mrs xyz" instead, but it would be confusing and neither traditional nor formal.
Don't think of it as his last name. Think of it as yours and your kids'.
Besides, what's in a name? Rose, sweet, blah blah

CMGragain · March 2016

Just saw this - I've been out of it this week.
Your husband's name will not appear on your invitation. YOUR name will. You are not Mrs. John Doe, and you haven't been since your marriage ended.. You are Ms. Jane Doe. If you prefer, you can be Ms. Jane Maiden Name Doe, i.e. Ms. Jane Jones Doe.

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the marriage of

Jane Ann Doe

and

John James Smith

Day, date

time o'clock

Venue

Address

City, State

Don't want my ex-husband's last name on my invitations

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