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I drunkenly kissed my not-boyfriend

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I live in a different city from my long-term boyfriend, whom I love dearly. This weekend, I had far too much to drink and kissed another guy at a bar. It was a complete stranger—not someone I’m friends with, or attracted to, or anything of the sort. I have no idea what came over me and I don’t even recognize that behavior. I did a lot of self-reflection and I’ve decided that I need to get a hold of my drinking—I’m not a big drinker during the week, but occasionally on a weekend night I’ll binge drink. I even downloaded an app to help me track my drinks. My question is: Do I need to tell my boyfriend? It would crush him and it meant NOTHING—it was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m afraid I would be ruining a relationship over something completely insignificant. It was only a kiss. What do you think?

—Loose Lips

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Re: I drunkenly kissed my not-boyfriend

  • ready2wed59ready2wed59 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I think she should tell him and let him decide what is insignificant or not.  What may be insignificant to you might be a huge deal for him.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I've always told DH to be honest with me if anything like that happens. Because lying to me about it would be a much worse offense than whatever he is trying to hide.  I could forgive a kiss, but if I found out he lied about it and tried to hide it, then I would be super pissed.

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ready2wed59 said:
    I think she should tell him and let him decide what is insignificant or not.  What may be insignificant to you might be a huge deal for him.
    This.  I'm firmly in the "your mate has a right to know" camp.  It might not be a deal breaker for the boyfriend, but I don't think it's acceptable to keep these things from the person you love.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'll take the UO here and disagree.  If this is truly out of character and something she will never do again, it will just be placing a burden on her b/f to assuage her own guilt.  It will potentially make them both miserable for not much reason.

    With that said, my ex b/f did this to me and it was the best thing ever (at the time).  He was jealous and controlling.  And, despite the fact that I had never cheated on him, he accused me of it all the time.  Then he and some friends had a guys night out, where he got stupid drunk, and kissed a random girl in a bar.  He confessed to me the next day.  After that, as soon as he started to bring up "was I cheating on him", I'd reassure him again for the 1,000th time and then bring up bar girl.  After the second time of this go round, he learned to not bring up cheating and never accuse me of it again.  Such a relief!

    And, yes, I see now the red flags of that relationship.  But I was young and dumb and didn't at the time.

    As an aside, anyone who needs to put an app on their phone to count and control their drinking, really just needs to stop drinking.  Either forever or until they can drink responsibly without technological help.

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  • ThxSugarThxSugar member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I wouldn't want to know. But that is just me. Every couple should be able to talk about what is an isn't cheating to them and in their relationship. I would be devastated if I learned of an emotional affair but a drunken kiss with a stranger? Don't wanna know.

    I agree with PP, LW biggest issue isn't the kiss, it is the drinking. 
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