Money Matters

Knottie1456857067 · March 2016

So my fiance and I have very different plans for our wedding than my mother does, who is a wedding planner by profession. My mother prefers that we celebrate in a catholic church, dinner followed by a dance, and all aunts and uncles invited. We only want to invite those who we are close with (I wouldn't be able to even recognize some of my aunts and uncles) not have a religious wedding, only have coffee and desserts to follow, and keep it to about 40 people.

Due to the differences my fiance decided to pay for our own wedding. Shortly after we advised my parents of our decision, she forged my signature and deposited money into my account (my mom is on my financial accounts for emergencies). I explained that we don't want the money and she said just to keep it, and use whatever we need for the wedding, and to keep the rest, but advised that she "expects" me to invite all of my (20+) aunts and uncles.

Not sure how to navigate this..

levioosa · March 2016

Knottie1456857067 said:

So my fiance and I have very different plans for our wedding than my mother does, who is a wedding planner by profession. My mother prefers that we celebrate in a catholic church, dinner followed by a dance, and all aunts and uncles invited. We only want to invite those who we are close with (I wouldn't be able to even recognize some of my aunts and uncles) not have a religious wedding, only have coffee and desserts to follow, and keep it to about 40 people.

Due to the differences my fiance decided to pay for our own wedding. Shortly after we advised my parents of our decision, she forged my signature and deposited money into my account (my mom is on my financial accounts for emergencies). I explained that we don't want the money and she said just to keep it, and use whatever we need for the wedding, and to keep the rest, but advised that she "expects" me to invite all of my (20+) aunts and uncles.

Not sure how to navigate this..

Holy shit.

First of all, this wasn't the post I was expecting.

Secondly, return that money a.s.a.p. It's not worth the strings. And advise any vendors that they are only to take orders and changes from you and your FI directly. Don't allow your mother access to invitations or STDs. There are some big boundary issues here.

geebee908 · March 2016

This is where you return the money (via cash or cashier's check) and insist that you will be paying for your own wedding and inviting those guests you and your FI want at the wedding. Tell her you can't keep the money with her strings attached.

Jen4948 · March 2016

Return the money to your mother. (Take her off your account and consider substituting your FI's name. Forgery is serious, regardless of how benignly it is intended.)

And let her know that you and your FI will pay for and plan your own wedding, since your ideas about what you want are completely different from hers. Then you can ignore any "expectations" from her. If she tries to bring them up again, you can tell her, "Mom, since only we are paying, only we get a say."

If she threatens not to attend if you don't do what she wants, you can call her bluff: "I'm sorry to hear that you wouldn't enjoy our wedding, and we'll miss you, but that's your call."

thefanciestbeckler · March 2016

Jen4948 said:

Return the money to your mother. (Take her off your account and consider substituting your FI's name. Forgery is serious, regardless of how benignly it is intended.)

And let her know that you and your FI will pay for and plan your own wedding, since your ideas about what you want are completely different from hers. Then you can ignore any "expectations" from her. If she tries to bring them up again, you can tell her, "Mom, since only we are paying, only we get a say."

If she threatens not to attend if you don't do what she wants, you can call her bluff: "I'm sorry to hear that you wouldn't enjoy our wedding, and we'll miss you, but that's your call."

This. I work at a bank. Draw some boundaries, and get her off your account.

banana468 · March 2016

Ditto the others. Take out the money and give it back. Nicely say ' thanks but no thanks' and then continue to ensure that you're covered.

This may now be the time to take mom off your bank account.

lyndausvi · March 2016

I guess she forged your signature by endorsing the check that needed to be deposited. Which is odd because she didn't even have to do that since she could have just deposited the money anyway. It's her account too (legally). Even if it's not her account she could have deposited the money (for example, I deposit a check into my landlord's account without her signature.)

Anyway, give the money back and tell her thanks but no thanks.

You can't just switch accounts names. In order to get your mom off the account she has to sign off. I have a feeling she isn't going to do that willingly. Your best bet is to open up a new account (with or without your husband) and have the account with your mom just become inactive.

madamerwin · March 2016

lyndausvi said:

I guess she forged your signature by endorsing the check that needed to be deposited. Which is odd because she didn't even have to do that since she could have just deposited the money anyway. It's her account too (legally). Even if it's not her account she could have deposited the money (for example, I deposit a check into my landlord's account without her signature.)

Anyway, give the money back and tell her thanks but no thanks.

You can't just switch accounts names. In order to get your mom off the account she has to sign off. I have a feeling she isn't going to do that willingly. Your best bet is to open up a new account (with or without your husband) and have the account with your mom just become inactive.

This is what I was thinking too... Why did she need to forge your name to deposit money? MIL has deposited money into mine and H's joint account before, and all she needed was our names (and maybe account number). Our bank - Wells Fargo - does not require an account holder's signature to deposit money, only to withdraw money. Kind of a tangent, I know, but in reality removing her from your account may not prevent her from depositing money behind your back again in the future.

[Deleted User] · March 2016

"Here's $500, I expect this to pay for you and your husband to attend your first Christmas as a married couple sleeping on the foldout couch in my basement so we can all be together on Christmas morning."

"Here's $1,000! This is payment for me and my three best girlfriends to be in the delivery room with you when you deliver your first baby."

"I'll give you a check for $800 every six months if your kid takes piano lessons instead of being on the soccer team."

Yeah, I think you might have to have a serious boundaries talk with dear old mom.

scrunchythief · March 2016

Ditto the advice on returning the money.

Make sure you and FI are 100% on the same page, so you can present a united front. I doubt just returning the money will end her "advising" you to invite everyone she wants, given the lengths she went to. Stay firm, and probably try not to talk to her to much about the wedding, if possible.

SP29 · March 2016

You can also let her know that if she wants to have a party with all the aunts, uncles and extended family invited, she can host her own party, on her dime, at another time.

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