Shower Invites for Post-Destination Wedding Party Guests

Re: Shower Invites for Post-Destination Wedding Party Guests

• tigerlily6 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  If they're not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to the shower. 
  
  Also, it's fine for his family to have a party in Ohio sometime after you're married and back from your honeymoon, but it should not be wedding-related -- i.e., you should just be regular guests, meeting and mingling with other regular guests. If they happen to congratulate you and your new husband and it's a chance for them to see you as a newly-married couple, great! But no presents, no making it about your wedding. Just a regular party or family reunion hosted by your in-laws. 

                      
  
  
  

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• Knottie00267128 member

  

  March 2016

  @tigerlily6 Thank you! That was my initial feeling as well. I was second guessing myself though, because his mom and gma seem to want to invite everyone to the shower, even some of his gma's friends who are not invited to the wedding (and I've never met). 

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• tigerlily6 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  Knottie00267128 said:

  @tigerlily6 Thank you! That was my initial feeling as well. I was second guessing myself though, because his mom and gma seem to want to invite everyone to the shower, even some of his gma's friends who are not invited to the wedding (and I've never met). 

  Yup, your gut is right! Do your best to explain politely that you want to follow good wedding etiquette, and that this would mean you really don't want to invite guests to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding, at risk of coming across rude (showers are a gift-giving event, and some people may feel insulted if they are asked to get gifts for somebody whose wedding they aren't invited to). And hold your ground about not being able to invite everybody -- that is perfectly fine. Host what you can afford, it is the polite and prudent thing to do.
   If there is still push-back because grandma-in-law wants all her friends to meet you, suggest that you'd be happy to do some non-wedding related event to get to know them all. Maybe a tea party or a brunch or something like that. Once again, having a party where you get to introduce yourself and socialize with other people is fine. But once you call it any kind of pre-wedding party, anybody on the guest list should be invited to the wedding, also. 

                      
  
  
  

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2016

  Your gut feeling was right! 

  
  

  I second @tigerlily6 's suggestion of having a non-wedding related event like a tea party or brunch.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• ernursej member

  

  March 2016

  OP - Gut is good! I can relate as some of the ladies in my life are wanting to do things that don't totally jive with etiquette. This site is great for testing the waters and determining what is actually a good idea and what is something that is often done but really shouldn't be. Look forward to hearing more about your wedding plans.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie00267128 said:

  My fiance and I both live in Ohio and are marrying near my hometown in New Jersey. We are not able to invite many of our friends and members of his extended family to our ceremony and reception in New Jersey because the guest list would be astronomical. His family wants us to have a party/reception back in Ohio after we get back from our honeymoon for everyone that couldn't travel, etc. 
  
  My question is whether or not to invite ladies that may only be invited to the post-wedding party to the shower. My shower will be in Ohio and I worry that people will feel excluded if they are not invited to the shower, as it will be mostly his family at the shower. I also worry that it would be rude to invite them to the shower. 
  
  Help? 

  What they said.  Nobody can be invited to a pre-wedding party who isn't invited to the wedding.  A regular party though, go for it.  I also believe that people over estimate how many people are DYING to "celebrate with us".

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• SP29 member

  

  March 2016

  I would tell your family, "I don't feel comfortable inviting people to the shower who were not invited to the wedding. But if these are friends you'd like me to meet, I'd be happy to get together for tea/brunch/lunch at another time".
  

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