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Name Change Musings

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Re: Name Change Musings

  • CMGragain said:
    I come from a Scandinavian tradition where last names were not passed down at all.  This was legally changed  in the last century, but many families continued the old way.  I would have been Jane Donaldsdottir.  If I had a brother, he would have been Ole Donaldsen.  Your last name simply told people who your father was, and it changed with every new generation.
    British tradition is used in the USA, but it is not world wide.  I changed my name when I married DH because that was the easiest thing to do.
    My father's side of my family is both Norwegian and Swedish (last name is a Norwegian impossible-to-spell word with 7 consonants and 1 vowel), and we have joked about how much easier it would be if we could just use the Scandinavian naming system!
                        


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  • KahlylaKahlyla Moncton, NB member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    I am not taking FI's name, it just wasn't something I ever wanted to do. My name is my name, you know? He is fine with it. I probably would have considered it if there had been any discussion as to whose name we both took or if we both changed our names but he didn't want to at all, so there endeth the conversation. My surname is already 12 letters long, it would be crazy to double barrel so I don't blame him.

    I have found that people, mostly family, are generally a bit disapproving and need to know my reasons (because obvs I hate all men I guess, it feels like thats the subtext when they grill me), and 'omg, what about children???'. I think they'll know I'm their mum but thanks for your totally welcome concern for my future offspring  :|
    Ditto. Half the people in our families just assume I took his name anyway, even though they have absolutely no reason for doing so. And they never change how they address things to us no matter how many times I myself use my own name when replying or sending my own mail.

    I was actually really surprised to receive a wedding invitation from his cousin addressed to Us-Hislastname; I'm used to it from his dad's very old-fashioned and religious side of the family but this is his mom's side and I really thought they were aware I'd kept my last name? It's only been all I've ever used anywhere since I met them, you know, 14 years ago and married him 9 years ago. :/
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  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Do any of you ladies who did not change your name have any advice for how to make it clear without the awkward correcting people? My name on Facebook is staying the same too obviously, but for those who won't see that?
  • KahlylaKahlyla Moncton, NB member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    kylexo said:
    Do any of you ladies who did not change your name have any advice for how to make it clear without the awkward correcting people? My name on Facebook is staying the same too obviously, but for those who won't see that?
    I do not! Because I fail at that, lol. And it's not that it really bothers me per se, I just always wonder why people assume. It's always family members (and telemarketers) too, especially his; new friends, acquaintances, and professional contacts never seem to just assume I've taken his name, but then I guess they're also not necessarily assuming we're married.

    Just. Don't. Assume, people!
    image
  • kylexo said:
    Do any of you ladies who did not change your name have any advice for how to make it clear without the awkward correcting people? My name on Facebook is staying the same too obviously, but for those who won't see that?
    This will keep happening throughout your life.  If you choose a non-traditional name, don't be upset if people make mistakes.  Just gently correct them.  People who care will follow your hint.  People who don't - eh, who cares about them?  I always know when a solicitor calls because they use my legal name, which is not the name that I use socially.  (Gee, thanks, Mom and Dad.)
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  • when FI and I chatted about it a while back he said the choice is up to me- his mother kept her maiden name so I think he has less attachment to it. I really like both of our last names though. Currently I am thinking of moving my last over to have 2 middle names- [first name][given middle][surname][his last name]. But who knows we still have 6 months to go and i might even just hold off on the whole name changing thing for a bit and deal with it all after we've had our wedding. 
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  • kylexo said:
    Do any of you ladies who did not change your name have any advice for how to make it clear without the awkward correcting people? My name on Facebook is staying the same too obviously, but for those who won't see that?
    I have found that there are some people who just don't care, or feel that insisting on calling me by H's name is their way of showing their disapproval of my choice. One person in my social circle actually told me that "technically, you are Myfirst Hislast." Uh, no. Technically, legally and any other -ally, I'm Myfirst Mylast. 

    Luckily, these people are the minority and it's easy enough to ignore them. For the majority, I've found that just saying "oh, actually, it's Myfirst Mylast" does the trick. 
    Wow, that takes ovaries!  Here I was miffed that family was sending mail addressed to Mrs. HisFirst HisLast.  And I did change my last name...but not my first!
    OurWildKingdom
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    kylexo said:
    Do any of you ladies who did not change your name have any advice for how to make it clear without the awkward correcting people? My name on Facebook is staying the same too obviously, but for those who won't see that?
    I have found that there are some people who just don't care, or feel that insisting on calling me by H's name is their way of showing their disapproval of my choice. One person in my social circle actually told me that "technically, you are Myfirst Hislast." Uh, no. Technically, legally and any other -ally, I'm Myfirst Mylast. 

    Luckily, these people are the minority and it's easy enough to ignore them. For the majority, I've found that just saying "oh, actually, it's Myfirst Mylast" does the trick. 
    Wow, that takes ovaries!  Here I was miffed that family was sending mail addressed to Mrs. HisFirst HisLast.  And I did change my last name...but not my first!
    Ugh, I hate that. I got some flack from my mom when I sent out my wedding invites because I addressed them without the Mr & Mrs Lastname, I did HisFirstname and HerFirstname Lastname or HisFirstname HisLastname and HerFirstname HerLastname if she didn't change hers. I only used titles if one of them was a Doctor. My mom was saying that wasn't acceptable and I was like, WELL I'm not changing my name (first or last!) so why should I not respect the invitees names?
    tigerlily6scrunchythiefglasgowtolondonOurWildKingdom
  • Kahlyla said:
    I am not taking FI's name, it just wasn't something I ever wanted to do. My name is my name, you know? He is fine with it. I probably would have considered it if there had been any discussion as to whose name we both took or if we both changed our names but he didn't want to at all, so there endeth the conversation. My surname is already 12 letters long, it would be crazy to double barrel so I don't blame him.

    I have found that people, mostly family, are generally a bit disapproving and need to know my reasons (because obvs I hate all men I guess, it feels like thats the subtext when they grill me), and 'omg, what about children???'. I think they'll know I'm their mum but thanks for your totally welcome concern for my future offspring  :|
    Ditto. Half the people in our families just assume I took his name anyway, even though they have absolutely no reason for doing so. And they never change how they address things to us no matter how many times I myself use my own name when replying or sending my own mail.

    I was actually really surprised to receive a wedding invitation from his cousin addressed to Us-Hislastname; I'm used to it from his dad's very old-fashioned and religious side of the family but this is his mom's side and I really thought they were aware I'd kept my last name? It's only been all I've ever used anywhere since I met them, you know, 14 years ago and married him 9 years ago. :/
    It's a wee bit annoying, isn't is? People never ask me 'are you taking his name?', they always ask 'what will your new name be?'. Then it feels like I'm being contrary for the sake of it instead of just, you know, wanting to keep my own name. Surely it's not that rare these days? I can only imagine there will be people unwilling to accept my name remaining as is after we marry. Right now I am thinking that I don't want to get uptight about it and keep correcting people. If people call me myfirstname hislastname I'll just ignore it....but at this point I can see how it would drive me up the wall!
                 
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
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