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Intimidated!

MarBdollMarBdoll member
Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
in Budget Weddings Forum
Of course I'm looking for ideas and tips and doing a lot of research for my November wedding. But, my goodness, all of these images from fancy, expensive weddings with 12 attendants and tons of fresh flowers and couture wedding dresses are making me feel like a loser. Anyone else? I plan to have a nice, elegant, low key event without spending much and these images are bringing me down.
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Re: Intimidated!

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Why would that make you feel like a loser? 

    I had just a MOH. I didn't want a large bridal party. I had NO flowers at my wedding. We got married in a beautiful garden, so I really didn't see the point. I splurged a little on my wedding gown, but it certainly wasn't couture. Just plan the day you want and can afford. 
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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    climbingwife said:
     Just plan the day you want and can afford. 
    Thank you. I think I needed to hear (read) that.
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    Don't feel bad at all! Not everyone is into that- I look at pictures like that and think "Ugh what production and waste of money!". I never felt like a loser for having a 23 person restaurant wedding.

                                                                     

    image

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  • cgss11cgss11 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    I get it..I saw lots of pictures, and occasionally had a few "should we drop more $$" thoughts, but In the end, it all turned out amazing. I agree that it helps to kind of unplug from the other stuff. 

    Not sure how you're planning is going, but I went all-inclusive and it really helped me stretch and keep my money in check. For example, I only had 1 bridesmaid so the other bridesmaid bouquets that were included got turned into centerpieces, so I didn't have to pay anything extra. I loved a few cake features that were "premium" so I said I want something similar, but that fits my package, and I ended up loving the results. 

    Having a small wedding party is a huge way to cut costs!!
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    nah, I'm honestly just grateful to have a wedding and have so many people excited as I am to travel for this.  At the end of the day, I don't think anyone's going to be tallying up in their heads guessing at what we spent.

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Check out Miss Manner's Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding.  http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Guide-Surprisingly-Dignified-Wedding/dp/0393069141/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458846675&sr=8-1&keywords=Miss+Manner's+wedding
    Miss Manners is my favorite current etiquette guru, and she favors low key weddings.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    OP, I get it. But the others are right, turn away from the magazines and Pinterest (unless you have a very specific need to research, like broach bouquets or something else very focused). 

    You can save tons on decor if you find a venue that stands on its own, like a historic building, a garden, a room with massive windows and great views, etc. Yes, I would have loved to have a Hayley Paige gown but backed away from the pictures and purchased an evening gown from a department store instead. With all the design websites out there, you can get beautiful invitations for a fraction of the fancy stuff's cost. 

    Definitely don't try to keep up with the Joneses. 
    ________________________________


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  • SP29SP29 member
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    I get how you feel like that- you see so many images of things, and they ARE pretty, but you have to ask yourself what are your priorities? I had a classmate get married not too long before my own wedding, and she got married at the Fairmont Lake Louise (google it), and when we went on our HM we stated at a very nice hotel in Phoenix and saw a few weddings taking place on the weekends we were there. I definitely thought, *sigh*, how beautiful. But at the same time I think, "You spent HOW much for one day???". Same with dresses- I loved watching SYTTD, but to actually spend 10K on a DRESS! It's nice to drool over something for a bit, but then you've got to snap back to reality.

    But you know what, the more weddings I go to, the more I value a simpler but well hosted wedding. Who cares how much the bride spent on her dress or how big the centerpieces are if the food sucks, ya know? Also, the more I hear about afternoon or brunch wedding receptions, the more I want to attend one!

    My friend got married at a restaurant- a nice one, but restaurant none-the-less. Ceremony and reception there. No WP. B&G had a first dance, but no other spotlight dances or tosses. No decor beyond what the restaurant had. Good food. Good DJ. It was great. The restaurant was nice enough it didn't need anything more.




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  • ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its

    The wedding industry has created this idea that anything less than a Broadway production is not a real wedding. It is a shame because 1) a wedding is just one day and the most important thing is the marriage 2) A wedding doesn't need to be big and elaborate to present love 3) With all the competing expenses, a wedding can take a backseat to other, longer lasting, items (house down payment, debt repayment).

    Plan the wedding you would like and can afford. All you need to get married is a license, someone to officiate, and sometimes witnesses. Everything else is extra.

    Stick around, change your knottie# to a unique name and you will find lots of great advice and support.

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Stop looking at that type of stuff and formulate your own idea using your budget at heart!  I spent $3500 total to host my parent's fully hosted 50th wedding anniversary for 60 people (attending - more were invited) and the people at the hall remarked at how it was one of the fanciest events they'd hosted.  All I did was change the color of the napkins (white to red), and had Sam's flowers for centerpieces with a simple blue denim circle underneath...  I focused on the best bang for the buck.

    At the end of the day, you're better to go under budget than over, you can have a wonderful event that you don't lift a finger to pull off if you're smart with your pennies and are flexible with your vendors.  The more flex you have with your vendors, the more money you're going to find yourself saving. 

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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'll check out the Ms Manner's book. Thanks.
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I second finding a venue that stands on its own. It doesn't eliminate all of the costs or pressure, but it definitely helps! Our wedding will be in a museum, and the only decor I'm planning is table numbers and some vases on the gift table for us to put our flowers in after the ceremony. 

    I had to stop Pinteresting, or at least only look at super-specific things (like ideas for long, thick hair). I also ran some of the crazy, over the top ideas by my FH and his reaction was enough to make me realize we didn't need them lol. 

    At the end of the day, if you end up married, your guests are fully hosted, and everyone has a good time....that's all they're going to remember. And your wedding might even stand out more for being low-key and laid back!
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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
      For example, brides are encouraging their bridal party to "wear what suits THEM" versus cookie cutter, cloned looks.
    Oh absolutely. I told my MOH (sister) find something in the appropriate color that she likes and feels beautiful in. My son is giving me away and already has a suit he can wear.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited April 2016
    Just spend your money on things that your guests will care about.

    Things guests care about = food, drink, comfortable seating, convenience of location.

    Things guests do not care about = centerpieces, decor, number of people in your wedding party, cost of your invitations, favors, your wedding vision, your pictures.  (I do recommend spending on pictures, but they are for YOU, not your guests.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @MarBdoll, weddings are complicated affairs to organize. Sometimes, someone falls through the cracks in the seating arrangement. Basically, sh*t happens. The family didn't seat you by yourself on purpose, and you ended up sitting with your FI anyways, so no harm no foul. Most brides aren't experts at throwing multi-vendor events for 50+ guests, so we all mess up somewhere.

    I've found APracticalWedding, and the planning books they produce to be really useful for the sanity-cost-related stuff. People plan all kinds of weddings over there and it's nice to see the whole range. The easiest place to cut out a couple hundred to thousand dollars is on the invites and centerpieces/florals. We did that, but it's balanced out by splurging on the DJ and photographer.

    So...you do you (but keep guest's comfort in mind)!

    k thnx bye

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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Tyvm said:
    @MarBdoll, weddings are complicated affairs to organize. Sometimes, someone falls through the cracks in the seating arrangement. Basically, sh*t happens. 
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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    You're right, sh*t happens and it may not have been on purpose but it made me feel like sh*t and the feeling lingered thru the night. I learned a lot from the whole event.
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  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I recently went hunting for a dress to wear for our rehearsal. Found a very beautiful ivory lace knee-length dress on a sales's rack for $35. I absolutely love my A-line wedding dress (which was $800 and was definitely a big splurge in my budget), but I have to admit, when I saw this ivory dress, a part of me was like "Well, this could have actually been my wedding dress! For $35! And I could probably (1) wear it again and (2) dance in it easily!" 

    Seriously. Expensive does not always equal tasteful. And inexpensive can still be classy as hell. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @tigerlily6 Yeah, that's right, too. The dress is one of the easiest places to cut costs as well. OnceWed is good, if you're not afraid of used dresses (check return policies), or craigslist so you can try on someone else's dress before buying...or just a knee-length white dress. Easier to find!

    There's also local Wedding Consignment Facebook groups that tend to have lots of decor and dresses. Those can be handy.

    k thnx bye

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  • MarBdollMarBdoll member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    @tigerlily6 I admit it's a bit hard to not second guess decisions. I ordered my dress online after going to one store because I wanted champagne and didn't want to pay  fortune for it. It was clear I wasn't going to be able to find the style and color I wanted at a bridal shop, not to mention the clerk look looking down on me because of my limited budget. I just didn't want to deal with any of that. Ended up spending $346 for the dress, custom tailoring, slip & shipping. I still need a slight alteration but I'm pleased. Still have to resist the "maybe I should have..." urge though.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2016
    MarBdoll said:
    OMG, so fiancé and I attended a 25k wedding a couple of weeks ago... Let me 1st say it was my intent to just enjoy the event and absolutely NOT be judgy because this wedding planning biz is NOT easy. Well, wow. It was at a museum and the seating arrangement for the ceremony was such that few guests could actually SEE anything. But we could hear, so it's OK, right? Right. After the ceremony we finally got our reception seating. Not only did I RSVP us at the same time using the website, the bride's mom confirmed that we were in fact attending. She was working on seating. Somehow I was seated at table 27 and my fiancé was seated at #14 with the other people we knew. They put me at the very last overflow afterthought table. When I asked why we weren't seated together, no one could explain it and they told us to sit at 27. There were 4 place settings there but no one else came. So, what? I was to be seated there all by my lonesome?! Eventually we moved to 14 where there were 4 empty places. But by that point, my mood was totally ruined. So thank you, knotties. I'm very clear that tons of money spent does not equate to a good time for guests. Did I mention the cash bar?

    ...and THIS is why I advocate for NOT doing a seating chart for anyone other than the Bride and Groom...  Hindsight - if people wouldn't have side-eyed it at the time - I'd have 100% skipped a head table! (meaning "Enjoy!  Go sit next to who YOU want to this evening and let's get the party started!")

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  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @MesmrEwe Assigned seats are perhaps not necessary, but assigned tables happen so that your best high school friend doesn't end up sitting at a table of your great aunts. It's a courtesy to guests who don't know very many people there. It's not always necessary, but it's nice and has saved my shy self at a wedding or two.

    k thnx bye

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2016
    Tyvm said:
    @MesmrEwe Assigned seats are perhaps not necessary, but assigned tables happen so that your best high school friend doesn't end up sitting at a table of your great aunts. It's a courtesy to guests who don't know very many people there. It's not always necessary, but it's nice and has saved my shy self at a wedding or two.


    I always end up seated next to only my IL's (all of us fit at one table) who I see "all the time" ...  It'd be fun to sit with the aunts and chat the evening away...  We did have a couple "social circle tables" reserved at our wedding for people we knew would otherwise know no one else there or only people from that "circle"...  Other than that type of arrangement - I'm NAF, but that's my personal preference, but typically I don't mind being seated next to random whomever...

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MesmrEwe said:
    Tyvm said:
    @MesmrEwe Assigned seats are perhaps not necessary, but assigned tables happen so that your best high school friend doesn't end up sitting at a table of your great aunts. It's a courtesy to guests who don't know very many people there. It's not always necessary, but it's nice and has saved my shy self at a wedding or two.


    I always end up seated next to only my IL's (all of us fit at one table) who I see "all the time" ...  It'd be fun to sit with the aunts and chat the evening away...  We did have a couple "social circle tables" reserved at our wedding for people we knew would otherwise know no one else there or only people from that "circle"...  Other than that type of arrangement - I'm NAF, but that's my personal preference, but typically I don't mind being seated next to random whomever...

    You may not mind, but I've gone to events where I knew was left to fend for myself to find a table when  everyone had reserved the seats at their tables for their friends and family.

    Sorry, but walking around looking for an empty seat at an event I was invited to is not my idea of a good time - especially if it's a buffet or station meal and I have to carry a heavy tray around while dressed up.
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