Wedding Etiquette Forum

When to tell bride I'm pregnant

Hey all! So I just found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant (yay!) and I'm a bridesmaid in 2 weddings this summer 2 weeks apart. I'll only be about 4 months along by then, so I'm not worried about the dresses fitting. However, I was wondering when the best time to tell the brides would be. I feel like it's news best shared in person, but the only times I might see them is at their showers and bachelorette parties because of long distance, so I don't know if I should tell them on those days and steal their thunder or throw them for a loop on a special day for them. Both BP's are right before my 12 week mark, too. It'll be impossible for me to lie about drinking, but I'm ok telling them even though it'll still be the end of my 1st trimester. They'd both be very happy and supportive knowing I'm pregnant, I'm just not sure when and how would be the most appropriate time to tell. Call them up a week before the BP's? Call them right away? Tell them in person? Call their mothers and ask their advice? Other? Thanks so much!!!
short+sassyJen4948OurWildKingdom
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Re: When to tell bride I'm pregnant

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Since you won't see them for awhile, just call them. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    STARMOON44MesmrEweMairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Congrats! That is great news!

    I agree with Addie. It is totally appropriate to just call them since you won't be seeing them for a while.

  • We tried to wait to tell people about our pregnancy in person and ended up not telling my one uncle till I was 7.5 months!  Just my opinion, but if you don't think you'll see them for a while and you want to tell them now, I'd call.
  • I think you'll want to tell them when you're comfortable sharing the news.

    I will say that unless you've been pregnant before and you know how your body changes, I wouldn't be so confident that at 4.5 months you won't have to worry about dresses fitting.   At 12 weeks pregnant I could no longer button my pants and I was transitioning into maternity clothing.  At approximately 4 mo, I was clearly pregnant and the only clothing I could still wear were baggier items or things like jersey dresses.   If your attire is supposed to be fitted at the waist, I think you may need to find a new dress or a fantastic seamstress. 
    ILoveBeachMusic100yroldblinddogInLoveInQueensdelujm0
  • Yea, luckily the dresses are empire waist and flowy, so there's def room for a bump if there is one!
  • Congratulations @heyyou1203!  I agree with PP's that you wait until you are comfortable sharing the news and then if you have to tell them by phone that's okay.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree with Banana about clothes fitting. By 12 weeks, my band size went from a a 34 to 38, I gained all boobs. It was super annoying, I didn't get anything close to a baby bump until I was closer to 26 weeks.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PPs. You can tell them over the phone when you are ready to tell them. I certainly wouldn't tell them at their bridal events. I also agree with @banana468. You can't be sure you won't have a problem with the dress fitting. Not only your waist but your chest size could change too! Congratulations on your great news, hope you have a smooth pregnancy. 
    short+sassymollybarker11
  • Congrats!  And I agree with @banana468.  I also showed early - early baby bump at 3 months, maternity clothes by 4.  I'm short - and have a short-torso - so it was really my only option!

    DH and I told my SIL - I was supposed to be in her wedding but couldn't because it was my due date - once I was through my first trimester.  We called, since we knew we wouldn't see her in person in a reasonable time frame.  If you are comfortable sharing your news at that point, I think it's fine to call them directly.  If you want to wait longer, that's your call too.

    Personally, I'd rather know ahead of time, instead of in person at another event, so that I can do my part to make ensure you've got what you need, whether that's as simple as double checking on caffeine free beverages or helping you plot the quickest route to the rest room.
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    Anniversary


    JediElizabeth[Deleted User]SP29
  • I think you should call them whenever you are comfortable with sharing the news. It wouldnt be appropriate to tell them at their showers. Congrats!
    SP29lc07
  • I agree with PPs that you should tell them when you're ready.m, but I also don't see the problem telling the bride privately, in person after the shower is over. If you'd rather not do it over phone (although I think this is perfectly fine), I thinking would be ok to talk to her alone after everything is over and tell her you're expecting. 
    SP29
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with Banana about clothes fitting. By 12 weeks, my band size went from a a 34 to 38, I gained all boobs. It was super annoying, I didn't get anything close to a baby bump until I was closer to 26 weeks.
    First, congrats OP!

    In regards to Trixie's comment I'm just laughing. As a barely-A cup person I say, oh darn, all boobs for over half your pregnancy? Poor you!! LOL. 
    ________________________________


    OurWildKingdomthefanciestbecklerTrixieJess
  • Congrats!  I would tell them after you've told your parents.  Pick up the phone!!!  I had a SIL/BM pregnant at our wedding and my brother/SIL were over the top uptight and "grouchy" the whole time - I honestly wish they'd have just told us because we'd been a heck of a lot more empathetic to the situation and they wouldn't have had to "hide" anything!

    As for dresses fitting if you've already ordered them - don't get ahead of yourself!  By the 4mo mark I was already in yoga/PG pants with my second.  With my first, I was already up a size or two but not really maternity sizing yet.  My SIL OTOH, barely looked pregnant when she was sent to the hospital for her inductions.  Also chest size can change hourly during pregnancy, so be aware you won't know until you're really close to the weddings what your sizing is going to be as pregnancy affects different women different ways. 

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    OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Congratulations!

    I'd call them when you're ready to share the news.  No need to call their mothers.
  • Yea, luckily the dresses are empire waist and flowy, so there's def room for a bump if there is one!
    Double check that band size.   You may feel unexpectedly boobaliscious even if your belly isn't feeling it yet.  



    MesmrEweholyguacamole79OurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLost
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Yea, luckily the dresses are empire waist and flowy, so there's def room for a bump if there is one!
    Double check that band size.   You may feel unexpectedly boobaliscious even if your belly isn't feeling it yet.  



    Being boobaliscious was one of the first signs of pregnancy for me and I am fairly boobaliscious to begin with!
    MesmrEwe
  • Call their moms? What? 

    I personally would wait if there isn't a concern about the dress not working and needing to find a different option.  

    I take the weddings out of it and look at  when I would tell these good friends in general. Would you tell them at 6 week or 8 or wait for 12?  We are waiting until first ultrasound to say anything just to be sure that comes out ok. 
    holyguacamole79STARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yea, luckily the dresses are empire waist and flowy, so there's def room for a bump if there is one!
    I echo other PP's regarding dress sizes.  DD's belly bump was the least of her problems!  Although small, she started at a 32DD and halfway through her pregnancy she was up to a G cup.  Strapless dress options may not be your friend by then!

    As far as informing them is concerned, take away the bridal equation.  How/when would you notify them if a wedding was not involved?
    OurWildKingdomPrettyGirlLost
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    kvruns said:

    I take the weddings out of it and look at  when I would tell these good friends in general. Would you tell them at 6 week or 8 or wait for 12?  We are waiting until first ultrasound to say anything just to be sure that comes out ok. 
    Wait, are congrats in order?!?

    PP's have it covered, just trust your judgement.
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    OurWildKingdomthisismynickname2
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @kvruns Yay!  That is so fantastic:).  Congrats!!
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    kvruns
  • @kvruns Yay!  That is so fantastic:).  Congrats!!
    Thanks!
    kimmiinthemittenglasgowtolondon
  • kvruns said:
    Call their moms? What? 

    I personally would wait if there isn't a concern about the dress not working and needing to find a different option.  

    I take the weddings out of it and look at  when I would tell these good friends in general. Would you tell them at 6 week or 8 or wait for 12?  We are waiting until first ultrasound to say anything just to be sure that comes out ok. 
    Congratulations!!!!!
    kvruns
  • With my first baby I didn't touch maternity clothes til 4 1/2 months. By my third child I barely made it to 3 months. But... like everyone said, even if you aren't showing much in the belly, you will be in the boobs!
    MesmrEwe
  • Thanks for all the responses! One of the showers is before my 1st appointment, so I feel like I wouldn't tell that early. But yea, by phone sounds fine, and if I get to see the before the BP's then all the better, but they'd appreciate a phone call I'm sure. Thanks!
  • I agree with Banana about clothes fitting. By 12 weeks, my band size went from a a 34 to 38, I gained all boobs. It was super annoying, I didn't get anything close to a baby bump until I was closer to 26 weeks.
    First, congrats OP!

    In regards to Trixie's comment I'm just laughing. As a barely-A cup person I say, oh darn, all boobs for over half your pregnancy? Poor you!! LOL. 
    It would have been okay if I wasn't a DD to begin with. I went up to a 38H. I'm 5'11" and didn't have a belly so I was all boobs for a long time.
    OurWildKingdom
  • One of my bridesmaids was newly pregnant and wasn't comfortable telling everyone- but she told me probably 2 weeks prior on the phone (she was also long distance)- I was thrilled for her- didn't make a difference at all. I just made sure when I got lunch for everyone getting ready we didn't do lunch meat, and I made sure I was pouring the mimosas and giving her just oj. When the champagne during the pictures came out- when we toasted, she slipped me hers. I was glad I knew and honored she trusted me with that knowledge so early in the pregnancy. 
    OurWildKingdomlc07
  • I would tell them either 1) before you need to order dresses in a specific size and/or before you get it altered, etc., or 2) before the bachelorette party where you won't be drinking if you would otherwise be drinking at it, or 3) when you would plan to tell them anyway. 

    Whichever is first.
    SP29MesmrEwe
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