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Would you side-eye this?

Wanderlust543Wanderlust543 member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm Chinese, and it's customary to give red envelopes with money as gifts instead of boxed items. One of my friends suggested that we leave a pile of empty red envelopes on the gift table next to the card box in case anyone forgot to get a card before coming to the wedding. I've been the idiot at the store down the street from the venue buying a card at the last second, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. He said that he and his wife did this at their wedding, and her family really appreciated it.

Does it look too gift grabby? I'm also getting agita at the thought of trying to figure out who gave a gift if we receive a lot of envelopes with no signature! I don't think I'd side-eye it because I'm used to giving/receiving red envelopes, and everyone is always scrambling and asking for extra red envelopes at holidays, but I'm not sure what any guests who are unfamiliar with the custom would think. 

What do you ladies think? 


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Re: Would you side-eye this?

  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wanderlust543 said:
    I'm Chinese, and it's customary to give red envelopes with money as gifts instead of boxed items. One of my friends suggested that we leave a pile of empty red envelopes on the gift table next to the card box in case anyone forgot to get a card before coming to the wedding. I've been the idiot at the store down the street from the venue buying a card at the last second, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. He said that he and his wife did this at their wedding, and her family really appreciated it.

    Does it look too gift grabby? I'm also getting agita at the thought of trying to figure out who gave a gift if we receive a lot of envelopes with no signature! I don't think I'd side-eye it because I'm used to giving/receiving red envelopes, and everyone is always scrambling and asking for extra red envelopes at holidays, but I'm not sure what any guests who are unfamiliar with the custom would think. 

    What do you ladies think? 


    Yes, it looks too gift grabby.



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  • oywiththepoodlesoywiththepoodles member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, I'm not familiar with this particular custom, but this seems very gift-grabby. If folks want to give you money, they will find a way. No empty red envelopes are necessary.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When I went to a Chinese wedding, they had red envelopes on a table before you walked in.  I don't know if that was against etiquette though.  I also think there might have been a pen to write well wishes on the envelopes too.  It was a couple years ago, so I can't remember a lot of the details. 


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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Don't do this! It's super gift grabby. People will find a way to get you a gift if they want to give you a gift. How is this any different than buying a bunch of American wedding cards (the kind with a little flap inside to tuck money behind) and leaving them on a table for guests when they walk in? Eek! 
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes I would side eye it. If I forgot a card I probably also forgot an amount of cash I'd put in it or a check to right (I don't carry a check book and rarely have much cash) so you would get a blank envelope from me.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would side-eye this. If it's traditional for them to give cash in red envelopes, it's also traditional to let them figure out how to do that for themselves without a nudge from the recipients.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The only red envelopes we got were from our parents. Everyone else didn't bother and just put cash/checks in their cards. Your guests are adults who can figure out how to give you a gift.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2016

    This is a perfect one to ask on the "Asian Weddings" board as the crew there will likely have dealt with the same issue before. 

    I don't know as though I'd side-eye as much as think it was in general odd but would also ultimately shrug it off.  Now - if there were blank cards with markers/crayons (like if kids wanted to color a card), that'd be a little different approach/feeling, but the general tone would be "side-eye" to it.. 

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  • JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    @Wanderlust543 , sorry to pry but is your fiance Chinese as well?  Also, how well do you know your family and his...it may not bother them as much so you might not get any "side-eyes"...

    that being said...both my husband and I are Chinese and have been to Chinese weddings where similar "nudgings" have happened....we kinda got offended and it left a bad taste in our mouth...
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  • JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    DAMMIT, I always do this...I would like to add that if your Fiance is not of Asian Descent, I'd probably skip the providing red envelopes....
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Agree with PP's that it would look gift-grabby. I would probably side-eye it (or have no clue why there was a pile of empty red envelopes just sitting there, as I am not Chinese).

    However, if you really think a lot of people will completely forget to get one ahead of time and will really want one, then keep a stash somewhere out of sight and let a few family members know they are there if anyone specifically asks. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2016
    Gift grabby for sure.  I, too, am the one who forgot at the last minute to get a card, but that's when I rush my hair and make up a little bit more and stop at a card store on the way.  Even though I am that person, I would definitely look at your act of  providing the cards/envelopes for me as  presumptuous, not as a convenience you are providing me out of the goodness of your heart.
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  • Wanderlust543Wanderlust543 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @JeeGooDowster he is not Asian and his family definitely would not understand it or even the custom of giving red envelopes.

    The last thing FI and I want is to make our wedding look like a gift grab or give our friends and family the impression that we're intentionally being rude! 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree that I wouldn't do it. Let adults figure out how they are going to give you a gift.

    Myself, I would look at the envelopes and think, "Whaaaa?". If it clicked in what other people were doing with the envelopes, I'd side eye it.
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