I'M THE BRIDESMAID AND I NEED ADVICE

tirathemrs · April 2016

I am in my friends wedding which was to be in June. I have ordered and received the dress last week. She found out from her doctor that he wants to operate on her and this will be around the time of the wedding. Now of course her health is very important so she had to change the date, unfortunately the venue is booked until early September or some time in October. My question is would i be wrong to return the dress and wait until August to get it again?
I guess i am asking because i may loose or gain weight and considering that is 5-6 months from now any one of those could very well be possible. And, also would you as the bride take offense to me telling you that i am going to return it until she gets her date set and finalized?

Just wondering what's proper...

thisismynickname2 · April 2016

tirathemrs said:

I am in my friends wedding which was to be in June. I have ordered and received the dress last week. She found out from her doctor that he wants to operate on her and this will be around the time of the wedding. Now of course her health is very important so she had to change the date, unfortunately the venue is booked until early September or some time in October. My question is would i be wrong to return the dress and wait until August to get it again?
I guess i am asking because i may loose or gain weight and considering that is 5-6 months from now any one of those could very well be possible. And, also would you as the bride take offense to me telling you that i am going to return it until she gets her date set and finalized?

Just wondering what's proper...

STUCK IN BOX
Sorry to hear about your friend!
Out of curiosity, what makes you think you will lose or gain weight so much as to make the dress unwearable?
Personally, I would not return the dress. What if it's discontinued and you can't order it again? Just keep it, but don't get it altered until closer to the wedding.
Plus, she could finalize a new date next week. Give her some time to sort out her feelings over the surgery and time to rethink her wedding.

lembaslover · April 2016

Honestly I'd be worried it'd no longer be in stock in the size I needed in a few months. Or if it's a custom order then you'll probably be charged to return it or they won't accept returns. Maybe not since I don't know where you got the dress.

I feel like if it was me returning and re-buying it would be too much hassle. I'd rather just wait on any alterations until closer to the wedding. Sure weight gain/loss is possible in 6 mo, it's also just as possible you stay roughly the same unless you are actively trying to loose (or gain) weight. If you are actively trying to change your weight then yea maybe returning it is a good idea.

downtondiva · April 2016

I'm not sure why you're assuming you'd gain or lose so much weight between now and then, but either way, you don't want to risk the dress no longer being available when you go to purchase it again. Hold on to the dress and wait to get it altered closer to the new wedding date. Don't bother your friend with this, either. It's not the time.

MesmrEwe · April 2016

Unless you're predicting this wedding isn't going to happen or you're trying to find an "out" for yourself from BM duty, this isn't a good reason to return it if you even could. The chance of the dress being in-stock and/or available even if you could return it would be iffy at best. Is it a money issue that you're having that you need the money more than you need the dress right now and you're trying to find money for it?

As for the weight loss or gain. That's not an excuse to use, really. Unless you're cycling for a bodybuilding show or a professional actress who has to gain weight for a role, it's a bogus reason to return the dress now. You can always alter down if you drop weight, so that's not a discussion.

There's a bigger story to be had here than fear of weight gain/loss - spill it!

jacques27 · April 2016

Are you planning to get pregnant or have gastric bypass? Because those are the only things I could think of that would result in you gaining or losing a significant amount of weight in the three to four months difference between when her wedding was scheduled and when it will likely take place (or I suppose, starting a medication likely to result in weight gain, like prednisone). Otherwise dieting at a healthy pace isn't likely going to yield that drastic of a result in those extra three months.

I don't think it's offensive if you do it, but I think it's probably pretty short-sighted to do it unless you're one bridesmaid dress away from living in a cardboard box under a bridge and need the cash asap. You run the risk of it being discontinued or not available in your size when the time does come. Unless it was an inexpensive dress, it would probably be cheaper to alter it if your weight fluctuates than to repurchase it. Have you talked to a seamstress?

tigerlily6 · April 2016

Ditto to what PPs have said. Dress colors get discontinued regularly, and also, you may not be able to return the dress, anyway (I was once supposed to be a BM and the wedding was cancelled, and I could not return the dress -- ended up donating it to a local high school for girls needing a free dress for prom).

6 months is not a long period to have to maintain the same size clothing, unless, as PPs have said, you have some active plan to gain or lose (or are pregnant?). In that situation, I would go to the store where you bought the dress and talk to the salespersons to make sure you can (1) return the dress and (2) get a new one quickly and for the right size when you need to. Don't assume anything is possible at this point.

SP29 · April 2016

I would wait a bit to see when your friend reschedules the wedding.

Depends where you got the dress from, and is this a specific dress the bride requested, or did you pick it?

My BP got their dresses from David's Bridal, so not really an issue to return and buy a dress again- well, except styles can change. Though I didn't require a specific style, told them midnight blue dress. If I were the bride, it isn't any of my business if either of the women in my BP returned their dress or not. At the end of the day, they are adults with the plan to show up the day of in a cocktail length midnight blue dress from David's Bridal.

At the same time though, you've already bought and paid for the dress. Unless you are planning to lose/gain weight, might as well keep it and have one less thing to worry about later.

tigerlily6 · April 2016

SP29 said:

I would wait a bit to see when your friend reschedules the wedding.

Depends where you got the dress from, and is this a specific dress the bride requested, or did you pick it?

My BP got their dresses from David's Bridal, so not really an issue to return and buy a dress again- well, except styles can change. Though I didn't require a specific style, told them midnight blue dress. If I were the bride, it isn't any of my business if either of the women in my BP returned their dress or not. At the end of the day, they are adults with the plan to show up the day of in a cocktail length midnight blue dress from David's Bridal.

At the same time though, you've already bought and paid for the dress. Unless you are planning to lose/gain weight, might as well keep it and have one less thing to worry about later.

Again, don't assume. The BM dress I couldn't return was from DB. Some of their dress colors or styles are non-returnable and sales are final. Wherever you buy your dress, double check to make sure this is actually an option first.

SP29 · April 2016

tigerlily6 said:

SP29 said:

I would wait a bit to see when your friend reschedules the wedding.

Depends where you got the dress from, and is this a specific dress the bride requested, or did you pick it?

My BP got their dresses from David's Bridal, so not really an issue to return and buy a dress again- well, except styles can change. Though I didn't require a specific style, told them midnight blue dress. If I were the bride, it isn't any of my business if either of the women in my BP returned their dress or not. At the end of the day, they are adults with the plan to show up the day of in a cocktail length midnight blue dress from David's Bridal.

At the same time though, you've already bought and paid for the dress. Unless you are planning to lose/gain weight, might as well keep it and have one less thing to worry about later.

Again, don't assume. The BM dress I couldn't return was from DB. Some of their dress colors or styles are non-returnable and sales are final. Wherever you buy your dress, double check to make sure this is actually an option first.

You are right.... now that I think about it, my wedding dress from DB was final sale. Funny.

I suppose then it'd be a moot point for OP anyway- she keeps the dress.

AddieCake · April 2016

It's not like it's 2 years later. Keep the dress.

levioosa · April 2016

I had grand plans to lose a ton of weight last year. It didn't work out despite my best efforts. I managed to lose like ten pounds, but that wasn't enough of a difference to justify a whole new dress. Actually, I did buy a dress in two different sizes because I wasn't sure about the sizing (ordered online). I prooobably would have looked better in the smaller size, but it didn't look like I was swimming in the size up either. It ended up working perfectly, because I brought both dresses to the wedding (destination), and another BM left her dress at home, so she wore the smaller one. Not saying you should buy two dresses, just sharing a funny situation.

Buy the dress now, and alter it if needed.

climbingsingle · April 2016

I don't understand why you think your weight is going to fluctuate so much in 5-6 months. I'd just keep the dress.

kvruns · April 2016

levioosa said:

I had grand plans to lose a ton of weight last year. It didn't work out despite my best efforts. I managed to lose like ten pounds, but that wasn't enough of a difference to justify a whole new dress. Actually, I did buy a dress in two different sizes because I wasn't sure about the sizing (ordered online). I prooobably would have looked better in the smaller size, but it didn't look like I was swimming in the size up either. It ended up working perfectly, because I brought both dresses to the wedding (destination), and another BM left her dress at home, so she wore the smaller one. Not saying you should buy two dresses, just sharing a funny situation.

Buy the dress now, and alter it if needed.

she forgot her BM dress for the wedding? was it a real forget or an "oops I "forgot" it because I hate the dress"

kvruns · April 2016

1. Is this a matching bridesmaid dress where you were told what specific dress to get or did you get to pick out whatever you liked in a certain color or style? If you picked what you want in a certain color/style then returning and re-buying wouldn't be as big of an issue.

2. Will the store even accept a return?

3. Is there something you are actively doing that would significantly change your weight between June and Sept/Oct? Just thinking that if you had planned something that would lead to weight gain or loss after the June date it would make more sense than just thinking of gaining/losing weight

4. Assuming it is a matching dress situation, how much wiggle room does the dress currently have for gaining/losing weight?

5. Are there any reasons you have to think the wedding might not take place even in the fall or that for some reason you would no longer need the BM dress?

Jen4948 · April 2016

I would keep the dress, and if it needs alterations between now and the rescheduled wedding, have it done closer to the wedding date.

levioosa · April 2016

@kvruns she left the dress on her bed when she was packing. The dress honestly wasn't that bad. But she isn't my favorite person. She let her toddler run around the entire time we were getting ready, and the kid was eating people's food and messing around with stuff. Her husband is a "macho military" man and refused to help out with the child care.

tirathemrs · April 2016

Hi ladies.
I thank you all for the replies.. The dress doesn't have much wiggle room as i bought it perfect size for now, so i wouldn't need any alterations at the moment. It would kinda be as is! However i am only thinking like what if i do gain (i mean i dont have the best eating habits lol) but if i do put on a few extra lbs then there is that slight chance it may not fit but i guess i could always monitor my weight and if i could still fit it in 5 months. Either way im going to just keep and see what she says (she sent a text asking for everyone to meet at her house this weekend so we will see)
And as far as me ordering it again i want to say its a fairly new style so i think it'll be around a while. But thanks for the input like you all said just wait and see what happens next either way i can keep it and if no wedding i can always donate it.

[Deleted User] · April 2016

I would keep the dress because then you don't have to worry about re-ordering it in enough time to get it for the new wedding date. It will reduce your stress level.Try it on every few weeks to check for fit. This way if it starts to get snug, you can go watch to make sure you don't go up anymore. If you lose a few pounds, that is what a good seamstress if for. And if you have less on your plate to deal with, then if you want, again only if you want, you can see if there is anything your friend needs help with, be it wedding stuff or just someone to visit her at home while she recovers to talk to or just want a chick flick with. Having to reschedule her wedding for this is going to play havoc with her emotions. So not bothering her with this right now, would be a huge help to her.

STARMOON44 · April 2016

I would keep it and not mention it to her. The last thing a bride who just had to cancel her wedding for health reasons needs to deal with is a bridesmaid wanting to return the dress.

aurianna · April 2016

Any chance you can talk to the people you bought it from and ask what their return/exchange policy is? Ask if the dress is way too big or small 3 months from now if you could exchange it for the same dress in a different size.

I'd probably hold onto it regardless, but I am surprised by all the "6 months is not enough time to drastically change anything" responses.
I remember when I was a bridesmaid I was told I needed to order a dress in October for an April wedding (I didn't know any better to question it at the time). I was never asked budget and ended up paying $160 for the dress, +$20 for its being "plus sized." Not long after that I started weight watchers (where I always maxed out all my points every week, so no crash diets). Fast forward a month before the wedding, I tried it on and I was swimming in it. I'd lost so much weight I had to pay $200 in alterations because she had to take it apart to relocate the zipper.
Alternatively, while looking for my bridal gown and casually asking them if I should go down a size so I could lose weight for it, an associate promptly told me that more than once they'd had brides that did that, but then gained weight, and then stressed about gaining weight, and gained more weight. She said they'd had a girl come in that week that had started at a 12 a few months prior, ordered a 10, but that week they had to rush-order a 16.

So that stuff can and does happen.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2016

aurianna said:

Any chance you can talk to the people you bought it from and ask what their return/exchange policy is? Ask if the dress is way too big or small 3 months from now if you could exchange it for the same dress in a different size.

I'd probably hold onto it regardless, but I am surprised by all the "6 months is not enough time to drastically change anything" responses.
I remember when I was a bridesmaid I was told I needed to order a dress in October for an April wedding (I didn't know any better to question it at the time). I was never asked budget and ended up paying $160 for the dress, +$20 for its being "plus sized." Not long after that I started weight watchers (where I always maxed out all my points every week, so no crash diets). Fast forward a month before the wedding, I tried it on and I was swimming in it. I'd lost so much weight I had to pay $200 in alterations because she had to take it apart to relocate the zipper.
Alternatively, while looking for my bridal gown and casually asking them if I should go down a size so I could lose weight for it, an associate promptly told me that more than once they'd had brides that did that, but then gained weight, and then stressed about gaining weight, and gained more weight. She said they'd had a girl come in that week that had started at a 12 a few months prior, ordered a 10, but that week they had to rush-order a 16.

So that stuff can and does happen.

It happened because you were actively trying to loose weight.

Barring a medical issue, if you aren't actually trying to gain or loose weight you really shouldn't put on/take off so much weight in a 6month period that your clothes no longer fit. Weight fluctuations like that are not typically normal.

I'M THE BRIDESMAID AND I NEED ADVICE

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