Card baskets - are these presumptuous?

banana468 · April 2016

thisismynickname said:

Can we all just use common sense when gifting?

"Hm, might be a pain in the ass to bring this TV to the wedding and the couple is leaving for the airport that night after the reception so maybe I'll find another way to get it to them."
"Hm, I'm worried about my cash being stolen as that venue is sketchy, so I'll write a check instead. Then I'll know they got it."
"Oh look, they programmed their registry to ship gifts to the parents' house instead of their tiny apartment. Awesome. I'll just have this shipped."

Totally agree.
My point about the sketchy is that you can have theft anywhere. The friend I mentioned in a previous post had her cards stolen from the hotel safe by hotel staff. Then again, your gifts shipped to the couple's home can be stolen from their porch.

kahluakoala · April 2016

MesmrEwe said:

kvruns said:

scribe95 said:

I have heard this on here before - that it's rude to bring a physical boxed gift to the wedding. I find that odd. One of my favorite things is to buy a gift and wrap it really beautifully. I have taken boxed gifts to weddings dozens of times - and sat them on the table next to a bunch of other boxed gifts.

agreed, I always bring the gift to the wedding, I've never had anything mailed unless it was on backorder and the store agreed to ship for free.

This! Especially if there's potential for it to arrive while the B&G are on their honeymoon... Nothing says "We're not home" and "Thief's Dream" like a ton of delivery boxes outside the house... (At Christmas we had not one, but TWO different packages stolen from our front porch - and mind you, our front step is 100yards+ off the road)

@MesmrEwe

You should tell the post office when you'll be out of town and they'll hold your mail and packages for you. I would assume most couples would take the 20 minutes to do this for this reason. I really wouldn't worry about this in the future.

thisismynickname2 · April 2016

banana468 said:

thisismynickname said:

Can we all just use common sense when gifting?

"Hm, might be a pain in the ass to bring this TV to the wedding and the couple is leaving for the airport that night after the reception so maybe I'll find another way to get it to them."
"Hm, I'm worried about my cash being stolen as that venue is sketchy, so I'll write a check instead. Then I'll know they got it."
"Oh look, they programmed their registry to ship gifts to the parents' house instead of their tiny apartment. Awesome. I'll just have this shipped."

Totally agree.
My point about the sketchy is that you can have theft anywhere. The friend I mentioned in a previous post had her cards stolen from the hotel safe by hotel staff. Then again, your gifts shipped to the couple's home can be stolen from their porch.

Yeah, but to some extent, the couple should make arrangements that are safe. We had our gifts shipped to my parents'. They live in the country. Nothing's getting stolen. We could have shipped to DH's parents as there's always someone home. But true, even in a traditionally safe area, where someone usually has no problem with packages, a more frequent arrival of packages could attract the potential thieves. You could set everything to require a signature, but that's kind of a pain in the rear too. At least there's recourse for stolen packages whereas stolen cash is just plain gone. Some people are allowed to receive packages at work; that could be an option.

photokitty · April 2016

If I bring a boxed gift and it's viewed as a burden to the couple, I'm happy to take it back with me. I don't think this is as much etiquette as the wedding industry avid registry system changing something and then telling people what is better for the store and couple is now polite. I thought the guests comfort came first and gifts weren't too be expected.

banana468 · April 2016

photokitty said:

If I bring a boxed gift and it's viewed as a burden to the couple, I'm happy to take it back with me. I don't think this is as much etiquette as the wedding industry avid registry system changing something and then telling people what is better for the store and couple is now polite. I thought the guests comfort came first and gifts weren't too be expected.

I don't think this is changing. Like I said, this is what my 64 year old mother was taught and registries were a new thing for her generation.

That said, I don't think it means that giving gifts at the wedding is a bad thing but it tells the guests to think about whether or not there's a better way to do things.

Gifts aren't to be expected as if they're a means of payment or something that the guests are required to do but I think it's deliberately obtuse thinking to say that gifts aren't to be expected and therefore the couple should assume gifts aren't going to be given.

I'll compare it to situations I see in home parties:
-Guest brings a bouquet of flowers for the hostess. They're lovely and the gesture is lovely. But the bouquet needs a vase and the hostess is in the middle of things and her vases are packed away. Does she run through the house to grab a vase? Does she put the bouquet to the side knowing that the flowers are going to dry? I am not going to pour through etiquette references on the internet but this is among the reasons I was always taught that if giving flowers give a potted plant or give them in a vase.

-Guest brings food as a 'lovely hostess gift' to a party. But the food needs to be heated and there's no oven space. Or the food needs to be refrigerated and there's no cooler. Or the food is an ice cream cake and there's just no freezer space. And the gift may be a conflict with the menu the hostess prepared.

Of course the gifts are received graciously and with a thank you. But any personal exchange takes two sides and any gift giver or guest is not suddenly exempt from following etiquette simply because s/he isn't hosting.

MairePoppy · April 2016

We went to plenty of weddings, growing up. My parents never brought wrapped gifts with them to the wedding. I remember going with Mom and Dad to drop the package off at the POB's home before the wedding, where another custom ensued. The bride and her mother would open and arrange the gifts with the cards concealed. The day after the wedding friends and neighbors would drop by to view the couple's china, linen etc... Usually, the newly married couple wasn't present. Coffee and leftover wedding cake were served. That's what people did for entertainment back then.

[Deleted User] · April 2016

I've seen all types of card boxes, and it's expected to see one here in Ohio. Most people, if they give gifts at the wedding, give money. To avoid the bride & groom from having to deal with having cards handed to them through out the evening, guests can just put the card in the box. What type of card box that is used depends on the style of your wedding & personal preference. Our venue had a card box built into the bottom part their cake table, so a nice slot where cards could be deposit was all that was visiable It was locked so things were secure. Only the manager had the key to the box. This was important to us because we had a guest that we had serious concerns about with theft. We would have preferred not to invite that individual, but she was the SO of a groomsmen, so that wasn't an option. At the end of the night, we stood next to the manager while she unlocked the box and gave us all our cards. The best part of this was, this box was free and I didn't have to deal with a card box we wouldn't use again later.

YogaSandy · April 2016

My dad's friend told my dad (just prior to my wedding) that he always writes cheques as he once gave cash in a card and it disappeared (not sure how he was made aware of this - as it would be rude to say, "hey uncle x, we didn't receive a gift from you."). As a result of this conversation, since we got married in my home town, my dad volunteered (I never asked, never even thought of it) to take care of the gifts. He didn't drink. After a reasonable amount of time (probably after dinner and first dance - I don't remember as I got married twelve years ago) he took all boxed gifts and cards back to my parents' house. We weren't living in town as I was still a university student. It was very sweet of him.

One did go "missing". My first bosses as a teenager (also the only couple at the wedding to have been at my grandparents', parents', and my wedding - there was one other person besides my grandma) handed me a distinctive looking present when they came through the receiving line. It was a book with a card tied to it. When we opened our presents the next day, I realized we hadn't opened that one. Turns out, it had fallen behind the seat of my dad's SUV.

A couple I know of from here (I know a girl who was a BM for the wedding) had their entire card box stolen from their wedding. I don't know if anything was ever found / discovered / returned.

ILoveBeachMusic · April 2016

YogaSandy said:

My dad's friend told my dad (just prior to my wedding) that he always writes cheques as he once gave cash in a card and it disappeared (not sure how he was made aware of this - as it would be rude to say, "hey uncle x, we didn't receive a gift from you."). As a result of this conversation, since we got married in my home town, my dad volunteered (I never asked, never even thought of it) to take care of the gifts. He didn't drink. After a reasonable amount of time (probably after dinner and first dance - I don't remember as I got married twelve years ago) he took all boxed gifts and cards back to my parents' house. We weren't living in town as I was still a university student. It was very sweet of him.

One did go "missing". My first bosses as a teenager (also the only couple at the wedding to have been at my grandparents', parents', and my wedding - there was one other person besides my grandma) handed me a distinctive looking present when they came through the receiving line. It was a book with a card tied to it. When we opened our presents the next day, I realized we hadn't opened that one. Turns out, it had fallen behind the seat of my dad's SUV.

A couple I know of from here (I know a girl who was a BM for the wedding) had their entire card box stolen from their wedding. I don't know if anything was ever found / discovered / returned.

To the bolded, I bet Uncle asked if they received his card because he hadn't received a thank you note. I know a cousin followed up on a gift that was sent to DD because she thought she hadn't received a thank you - she had but forgot about it!

Card baskets - are these presumptuous?

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