What to do when everyone hates you because you couldn't invite them?

levioosa · March 2016

janem26 said:

We are doing an intimate wedding as well, but are having an 'evening out' with all of our friends we could not include the same weekend. Just an easy bar hop with no renting and everyone buys their own drinks. For true friends who just want to celebrate, they are happy! For the people who just wanted a free bar, tough luck chuck.

What a shitty way to think about the people you are inviting.

[Deleted User] · March 2016

The people who are mad at you for not inviting them are not real friends or supportive family members. Anyone who's ever planned a wedding with a budget knows that unfortunately sometimes you have to make difficult cuts to make the budget work. What is important when it comes to your wedding is that the people who mean the most to you and your FI are there. It will be a beautiful intimate event where you can spend more time with each individual guest because of the size guest list you are having. When people get mad and don't except your, sorry we're keeping this small response, all you can do is tell them that you are sorry that they feel that way. Continue to plan and be happy. And don't let anyone guilt you into paying for more then what you want or for a party later on for everyone else.

countryup · March 2016

Wow the people you describe are being totally ridiculous and very immature. If they are that petty about it, time to get new friends and a new job. At your age you should also recognize this ignorance from others and realize unless they are willing to foot the bill, it's your wedding and you are the one calling the shots. I'm 47 and my 2nd wedding is this summer. My mother STILL insisted her friends be invited. I told her I am more than happy to accommodate all her wishes, but she would have to pay for every person she wanted to come - and I was serious about it. She wanted them there, she can pay for their attendance. Needless to say, she was silent from that point on.

So if they are rude enough to get pissy about it, tell them you are happy to have them join but the cost is $XX per person and they will need to pay you well in advance. I'm sure they will shut up about it. Or pay their way!

AddieCake · March 2016

I have never in my life attended a wedding so I could have a free night out. I sincerely doubt many people do that.

Knottie1448825336 · April 2016

If it's really already ruining, can it and elope. Your loved ones, if they have been observing this hate fest will surely understand and be supportive. No sense throwing even a small amount of money down the drain if it is going to suck.

JediElizabeth · April 2016

Knottie1448825336 said:

If it's really already ruining, can it and elope. Your loved ones, if they have been observing this hate fest will surely understand and be supportive. No sense throwing even a small amount of money down the drain if it is going to suck.

I think that's a really negative attitude. If OP and her fiancé want a small wedding with their loved ones and other people are being a great big bag of dicks, the answer shouldn't be to give up what they want and elope instead. The answer should be to mitigate or ignore their entitlement and dickery.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

countryup said:

Wow the people you describe are being totally ridiculous and very immature. If they are that petty about it, time to get new friends and a new job. At your age you should also recognize this ignorance from others and realize unless they are willing to foot the bill, it's your wedding and you are the one calling the shots. I'm 47 and my 2nd wedding is this summer. My mother STILL insisted her friends be invited. I told her I am more than happy to accommodate all her wishes, but she would have to pay for every person she wanted to come - and I was serious about it. She wanted them there, she can pay for their attendance. Needless to say, she was silent from that point on.

So if they are rude enough to get pissy about it, tell them you are happy to have them join but the cost is $XX per person and they will need to pay you well in advance. I'm sure they will shut up about it. Or pay their way!

I had to chuckle when I read your post. When I married for the second time, my mother pulled the same thing on me. It didn't work. Much to my chagrin, she paid for everyone she wanted to my wedding.

Knottie1449458751 · May 2016

My husband and I were just married (4.10.16), and we did the same exact thing you are attempting to do. We also ran into similar problems. We are in our 30s and wanted to honor everyone who had supported us in our past by paying for the wedding ourselves, which meant low budget. We chose a venue that comfortably seated 60 and though people contested, we stuck to it. It was hard, as we both have big families (9 aunts for me alone. Lots of cousins). The explanations we gave included the following:

1. The venue wishes to hold a certain amount, and we respect them enough to keep it at that.

2. However, it's one day and one party. We can celebrate with whomever anytime, including after the initial party. Plus we will be happy to send pictures and videos.

3. We are only allowing immediate family and a few of our closest friends. We would love for everyone to be a part of it, but we also wish to save for other big things like a new car, a honeymoon, and moving expenses. We were very honest, which I think helped.

I hope this kinda helps. Best of luck.

Knottie1463423268 · July 2016

I've also been surprised by the number of people inviting themselves! Some of them I never would have dreamed of inviting, even with a much larger wedding! I know some people will feel hurt, but unfortunately, this is just part of the deal. It's been the only stressful part of planning my wedding so far (knock on wood!).

What to do when everyone hates you because you couldn't invite them?

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