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Possibly missing gifts, how should I handle this?

MJKloverMJKlover member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum
Our wedding was about 6 weeks ago and we've been back from our honeymoon for about 5 weeks now. I completed all of our thank you notes for gifts within the first 10 days of getting home. I noticed that a few guests didn't give us a gift, but certainly didn't get upset and I wouldn't even consider saying something as that's ridiculously rude. But yesterday I was chatting with a friend who attended the wedding and she asked if we received her gift in the mail when we returned home. We hadn't and she was one of our guests that I thought hadn't given us a gift. After she said that I realized there could be other gifts that just never made it to us due to the post office. We had all of our mail held while we were gone (for about 10 days). I plan on going to my local post office tomorrow to ask but I doubt they have anymore mail for me just laying around. How do I ask my guests about this without sounding like I'm asking for a gift? Or should I even say/do anything? I would feel horrible if someone sent us a gift but they never received a proper "thank you" because their gift never reached us. 
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Re: Possibly missing gifts, how should I handle this?

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is a problem! I hope you told the friend her gift hadn't arrived yet. Unfortunately, you can't ask the other people because as you said, it looks like you are asking for a gift. Just make sure you are attentive and maybe pick up on conversations that might indicate they did send a gift. Good luck, I know this is a sticky situation.
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  • MJKloverMJKlover member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    kimmiinthemitten said:
    MJKlover said:
    Our wedding was about 6 weeks ago and we've been back from our honeymoon for about 5 weeks now. I completed all of our thank you notes for gifts within the first 10 days of getting home. I noticed that a few guests didn't give us a gift, but certainly didn't get upset and I wouldn't even consider saying something as that's ridiculously rude. But yesterday I was chatting with a friend who attended the wedding and she asked if we received her gift in the mail when we returned home. We hadn't and she was one of our guests that I thought hadn't given us a gift. After she said that I realized there could be other gifts that just never made it to us due to the post office. We had all of our mail held while we were gone (for about 10 days). I plan on going to my local post office tomorrow to ask but I doubt they have anymore mail for me just laying around. How do I ask my guests about this without sounding like I'm asking for a gift? Or should I even say/do anything? I would feel horrible if someone sent us a gift but they never received a proper "thank you" because their gift never reached us. 
    Is there any relation between the guests you didn't receive gifts from?  I'm just wondering if this friend could ever casually mention that's she's glad she asked since you didn't receive it to the larger group of there are also suspected missing gifts from them. Or if it's something one of your moms could drop into a conversation "they had a great time on their honeymoon but now that they're back they're working with the PO to located some missing mail, including gifts."
    These are great suggestions! I'll try to think about other guests that we didn't receive a gift from (because I've started to forget at this point) and see if I can drop a hint to a mutual friend/relative. 
    BTW, I know how this must sound. We didn't expect gifts especially since this is my 2nd marriage and we didn't have a registry. There are guests of ours we know are not in the position to give us a gift because of information they've shared with us. These aren't the guests I'm referring to as possibly sending us a MIA gift. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree you should very delicately get to the bottom of it, because if you don't thank someone for a gift, they'll think you're the rude one. (This was actually a topic of an entire episode of How I Met Your Mother, haha.)
    Casually talking about the post-office is the only good way I can think of right now. Or, if someone on your list is a friend, you could enlist a really trusted mutual friend to say something like, "Oh, I was just looking through the pictures of MJK's wedding, aren't they great? And they were so prompt getting out their thank-you cards too." If someone says, "I didn't get a thank you card..." then the conversation goes from there. 

    Hella awkward, but lost gifts suck all around. 
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Could you send thank you cards to the [questionably] non-gift givers, thanking them for coming to your wedding and witnessing blah-de-blah-de-blah...without thanking them for a gift? It would show that you knew to send a thank you note, but the lack of gift-mention might make them ask if you received theirs?

    k thnx bye

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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Yikes, that stinks that the post office lost your gift! I had the opposite problem, we got a gift that had no card, no return address, and it was off our registry but the registry showed it as not bought... I tried like PP suggested to kind of casually mention it to our mothers and some friends who had given gifts but no one seemed to know of anyone mentioning not getting a thank you for a gift they sent or of someone who had gotten that gift... I felt really bad for a while and I hope someone isn't still pissed about getting a thank you but I tried and finally let it go. 
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Tyvm said:
    Could you send thank you cards to the [questionably] non-gift givers, thanking them for coming to your wedding and witnessing blah-de-blah-de-blah...without thanking them for a gift? It would show that you knew to send a thank you note, but the lack of gift-mention might make them ask if you received theirs?
    The problem with this is that you aren't suppose to write a thank you note for attending the wedding - the reception is the thank you. Some people see this kind of a note as asking for a gift.
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    Tyvm said:
    Could you send thank you cards to the [questionably] non-gift givers, thanking them for coming to your wedding and witnessing blah-de-blah-de-blah...without thanking them for a gift? It would show that you knew to send a thank you note, but the lack of gift-mention might make them ask if you received theirs?
    I was actually thinking the same thing.

    ETA: Good point, @ILoveBeachMusic. I didn't think of that.
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  • MJKloverMJKlover member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I checked with the post office today and they have nothing else (which I figured as much). I asked my friend who I chatted with over the weekend if she heard any of our mutual friends complaining about not getting a thank you note, could she share with them what happened. But she's only friends with a group of people and doesn't know the majority of our other guests. So, I'm not sure what else to do. I let my mom know but I think all of her friends/relatives did give us something that we received and then were sent a thank you note. 
    I'd feel weird sending a thank you note to people and not mention a gift (assuming they did send a gift that has been lost). Plus like others have said, that could seem like I was fishing for gifts from guests who didn't send one. Thank y'all so much for your suggestions! 
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Check your voicemail. Did you go out of the country for your honeymoon? When I was in Jamiaca I missed a call and didn't get a notification even though I had a new voicemail. Over a month later I listen to crate and barrel try to set up delivery for a coffee table (8 guests went to together on something we only put on there for a completion discount!)


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  • MJKloverMJKlover member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    lnixon8 said:
    Check your voicemail. Did you go out of the country for your honeymoon? When I was in Jamiaca I missed a call and didn't get a notification even though I had a new voicemail. Over a month later I listen to crate and barrel try to set up delivery for a coffee table (8 guests went to together on something we only put on there for a completion discount!)
    No new VM, but thanks for the suggestion! 
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