Updates on my H

spockforprez · April 2016

MairePoppy said:

Wooh Hooh!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it. And exactly!

spockforprez · April 2016

H was reunited with his favorite kitty today... she wouldn't come around much yesterday, she was HIGHLY upset at being moved again, and his chair made her nervous. She cuddled up with him several times today, though.

We shared a toast last night to being home! No alcohol for him until he's off his blood thinner regimen.

spockforprez · April 2016

Sorry my photos are so big

OurWildKingdom · April 2016

Aww. Love the kitty pictures. So sweet. She wants to help Daddy get better.

SP29 · April 2016

Great photos! Kitty love

.

Lala9414 · April 2016

amazing!!! so glad to hear this. you two are AMAZING! enjoy having H home

holyguacamole79 · April 2016

So glad you're home!

spockforprez · May 2016

H has been home for nearly two weeks. It's (mostly) awesome. He sleeps better, eats better, feels better during the day, has better moods. There are some emotional difficulties with being at home, frustrations mostly. For example, he has a room that is cat-free and it's sort of a "man cave" except I'm allowed in. He keeps all his records, instruments, and doodads in there along with his favorite recliner he doesn't want the cats on. It's his own little space. But now it's hard to move around or access the lamps, he can't reach the turntable, he can't roll his chair under his desk (although we just bought some bed platforms to raise it up a bit), etc. So that's frustrating. Well then, being of an engineer mindset, he thinks up all these changes and adaptations he can make to make it easier for him to use... but then he can't implement them because he needs two hands and two legs! So double frustration.

It's also hard on him for us to sleep in separate rooms and not be able to cuddle the way he likes. I'm a big believer in the 5 love languages and H is off the chart for physical contact. If he could purr, the whole city would hear it when we're hugging and cuddling. He would probably sleep literally on top of me if I would let him (I am a hot sleeper so I banish him). It doesn't really bother me - he's not emotionally clingy or anything. That's just the kind of guy he is I guess. So, nevermind anything sexual, just not being able to hug body-on-body drives him nuts. Hopefully his external fixator will be coming out of his pelvis soon and then we can properly cuddle and I know that will make him feel 500x better.

Being home is pretty hard on me, although I GREATLY prefer it to the nursing home. He's much more independent than in the hospital or nursing home but still needs a lot of help so I pretty much have to be around. I do leave to run errands here and there but it means he has to limit what he does just in case he gets into a bind while I'm gone. And I have to be "on" as soon as I wake up which is super hard for me haha. So taking care of bath time, using the bathroom, making and serving meals, doing dishes, doing laundry (which is usually every day or every other day due to his limited wardrobe and the pads he sits on), feeding the cats and scooping litterboxes, making approximately one million calls and following up on insurance and doctor stuff, running errands, doing the banking and financial stuff, AND needing to be near him at (almost) all times, it's pretty wearying. I force myself to relax and watch Big Bang Theory and doodle around on my phone but while I'm sitting there I think about everything on my list. His parents took off on vacation 2 days after we got back. I have tried not to be judgmental because god knows I would fucking love a vacation and they have every right, but damn the timing sucked. Anyway, they'll be back Tuesday and I think I might take the afternoon to get a massage and get my nails done.

Thankfully, though, this is all temporary. He will still use his chair a lot when he comes home from rehab because it takes time to work up to using the prosthesis full-time (and probably especially so for someone with a limb as short as his), but he will be weight-bearing on his right leg. So he'll need the chair to get from point A to B, but he'll be able to stand up, pivot, hop a bit, reach for things, bend down, sit in regular chairs, get into the car, etc. so I won't need to be around 24/7. Plus he'll be using his prosthesis part time and that will increase more and more as the weeks progress. I got a job (yay) that is waiting for me as soon as he goes to rehab, and once he gets out I'll be able to continue working. We'll both start school again in the fall, and hopefully maybe by August or September he may be able to start working again! Depends on what accommodations they can make for him, but we are pretty optimistic.

We have doctors' appointments Weds and Friday this week. The person who hit him also has court on Wednesday. Unfortunately it seems like if you're not drunk, even if you kill someone, there is very little that can happen to you. The person who hit him was charged with reckless driving and the max is 12 months in prison which is extraordinarily unlikely. We are hoping because of the person's terrible driving record (24 moving violations in four counties since 2007) that the judge will not be super lenient, but there's no telling, especially if they bring their own counsel. We have nothing to do with that case, as it is the state vs. that person. It's very frustrating but there's not much we can do. Eventually we would like to get over that person because we don't want them staying in our hearts and minds as we rebuild our life - but right now we indulge our anger a bit. Hard not to!

lovesclimbing · May 2016

spockforprez said:

H has been home for nearly two weeks. It's (mostly) awesome. He sleeps better, eats better, feels better during the day, has better moods. There are some emotional difficulties with being at home, frustrations mostly. For example, he has a room that is cat-free and it's sort of a "man cave" except I'm allowed in. He keeps all his records, instruments, and doodads in there along with his favorite recliner he doesn't want the cats on. It's his own little space. But now it's hard to move around or access the lamps, he can't reach the turntable, he can't roll his chair under his desk (although we just bought some bed platforms to raise it up a bit), etc. So that's frustrating. Well then, being of an engineer mindset, he thinks up all these changes and adaptations he can make to make it easier for him to use... but then he can't implement them because he needs two hands and two legs! So double frustration.

It's also hard on him for us to sleep in separate rooms and not be able to cuddle the way he likes. I'm a big believer in the 5 love languages and H is off the chart for physical contact. If he could purr, the whole city would hear it when we're hugging and cuddling. He would probably sleep literally on top of me if I would let him (I am a hot sleeper so I banish him). It doesn't really bother me - he's not emotionally clingy or anything. That's just the kind of guy he is I guess. So, nevermind anything sexual, just not being able to hug body-on-body drives him nuts. Hopefully his external fixator will be coming out of his pelvis soon and then we can properly cuddle and I know that will make him feel 500x better.

Being home is pretty hard on me, although I GREATLY prefer it to the nursing home. He's much more independent than in the hospital or nursing home but still needs a lot of help so I pretty much have to be around. I do leave to run errands here and there but it means he has to limit what he does just in case he gets into a bind while I'm gone. And I have to be "on" as soon as I wake up which is super hard for me haha. So taking care of bath time, using the bathroom, making and serving meals, doing dishes, doing laundry (which is usually every day or every other day due to his limited wardrobe and the pads he sits on), feeding the cats and scooping litterboxes, making approximately one million calls and following up on insurance and doctor stuff, running errands, doing the banking and financial stuff, AND needing to be near him at (almost) all times, it's pretty wearying. I force myself to relax and watch Big Bang Theory and doodle around on my phone but while I'm sitting there I think about everything on my list. His parents took off on vacation 2 days after we got back. I have tried not to be judgmental because god knows I would fucking love a vacation and they have every right, but damn the timing sucked. Anyway, they'll be back Tuesday and I think I might take the afternoon to get a massage and get my nails done.

Thankfully, though, this is all temporary. He will still use his chair a lot when he comes home from rehab because it takes time to work up to using the prosthesis full-time (and probably especially so for someone with a limb as short as his), but he will be weight-bearing on his right leg. So he'll need the chair to get from point A to B, but he'll be able to stand up, pivot, hop a bit, reach for things, bend down, sit in regular chairs, get into the car, etc. so I won't need to be around 24/7. Plus he'll be using his prosthesis part time and that will increase more and more as the weeks progress. I got a job (yay) that is waiting for me as soon as he goes to rehab, and once he gets out I'll be able to continue working. We'll both start school again in the fall, and hopefully maybe by August or September he may be able to start working again! Depends on what accommodations they can make for him, but we are pretty optimistic.

We have doctors' appointments Weds and Friday this week. The person who hit him also has court on Wednesday. Unfortunately it seems like if you're not drunk, even if you kill someone, there is very little that can happen to you. The person who hit him was charged with reckless driving and the max is 12 months in prison which is extraordinarily unlikely. We are hoping because of the person's terrible driving record (24 moving violations in four counties since 2007) that the judge will not be super lenient, but there's no telling, especially if they bring their own counsel. We have nothing to do with that case, as it is the state vs. that person. It's very frustrating but there's not much we can do. Eventually we would like to get over that person because we don't want them staying in our hearts and minds as we rebuild our life - but right now we indulge our anger a bit. Hard not to!

Umm, I'd try to talk to the DA about this. I'm a journalist, so I'm in court a fair amount and, if there's a victim, I pretty much always see them being given the chance to make a statement during sentencing if they want. Usually, I see the DA in frequent contact with victims throughout the case to keep them up to speed and sort of represent them in negotiating plea deals and what not. Obviously, the DA isn't really representing them, but at least knowing what the victims want and keeping that in mind when they (the defendant) ask for certain things. During change of plea and sentencing hearings, I frequently here the DA say things along the lines of, "the victims feel really unsafe with this person being out in the community, so we're asking that they get x jail time at least instead of just probation like the defendant is asking for."

Maybe its different in different states, but at least in Alaska, I feel like the victims have some voice.

MairePoppy · May 2016

Does your state/county have a victim advocate? The advocate will speak for you if you don't want to be the courtroom. I would want that person to know how his reckless behavior has changed your lives.

spockforprez · May 2016

lovesclimbing said:

spockforprez said:

We have doctors' appointments Weds and Friday this week. The person who hit him also has court on Wednesday. Unfortunately it seems like if you're not drunk, even if you kill someone, there is very little that can happen to you. The person who hit him was charged with reckless driving and the max is 12 months in prison which is extraordinarily unlikely. We are hoping because of the person's terrible driving record (24 moving violations in four counties since 2007) that the judge will not be super lenient, but there's no telling, especially if they bring their own counsel. We have nothing to do with that case, as it is the state vs. that person. It's very frustrating but there's not much we can do. Eventually we would like to get over that person because we don't want them staying in our hearts and minds as we rebuild our life - but right now we indulge our anger a bit. Hard not to!

Umm, I'd try to talk to the DA about this. I'm a journalist, so I'm in court a fair amount and, if there's a victim, I pretty much always see them being given the chance to make a statement during sentencing if they want. Usually, I see the DA in frequent contact with victims throughout the case to keep them up to speed and sort of represent them in negotiating plea deals and what not. Obviously, the DA isn't really representing them, but at least knowing what the victims want and keeping that in mind when they (the defendant) ask for certain things. During change of plea and sentencing hearings, I frequently here the DA say things along the lines of, "the victims feel really unsafe with this person being out in the community, so we're asking that they get x jail time at least instead of just probation like the defendant is asking for."

Maybe its different in different states, but at least in Alaska, I feel like the victims have some voice.

We have talked to the prosecutor's office. Even though H nearly died and his life has changed forever, it's hard to keep in mind that the person is just in traffic court, not criminal court. Same court that people go for running stop signs or not having an inspection sticker... so things may be a little different. Essentially we have nothing to do with guilty vs. not guilty. The state is bringing a case to prove that the person drove recklessly and we aren't a party to that. (And H doesn't remember anything about the accident so he could not testify anyway.) If the person is found guilty, the severity of my H's injuries as well as the person's previous record could impact the sentencing but we won't be there, as far as I know. It would be the state trooper testifying to that. At least, no one has indicated that we would be able to make a statement or go to court ourselves. I don't know if H is considered a victim in the traditional sense since the charge is reckless driving. We feel pretty cheated and can't believe that as long as you are sober you can basically do whatever the fuck you want on the road and you will probably just pay a fine.

spockforprez · May 2016

We can't go to court Wednesday, anyway, as we have a very important doctor's appointment where we hope to hear good news about his weight-bearing status! If it gets continued to another date I may follow up again with the prosecutor to see if we could go and make a statement.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

spockforprez said:

lovesclimbing said:

spockforprez said:

We have doctors' appointments Weds and Friday this week. The person who hit him also has court on Wednesday. Unfortunately it seems like if you're not drunk, even if you kill someone, there is very little that can happen to you. The person who hit him was charged with reckless driving and the max is 12 months in prison which is extraordinarily unlikely. We are hoping because of the person's terrible driving record (24 moving violations in four counties since 2007) that the judge will not be super lenient, but there's no telling, especially if they bring their own counsel. We have nothing to do with that case, as it is the state vs. that person. It's very frustrating but there's not much we can do. Eventually we would like to get over that person because we don't want them staying in our hearts and minds as we rebuild our life - but right now we indulge our anger a bit. Hard not to!

Umm, I'd try to talk to the DA about this. I'm a journalist, so I'm in court a fair amount and, if there's a victim, I pretty much always see them being given the chance to make a statement during sentencing if they want. Usually, I see the DA in frequent contact with victims throughout the case to keep them up to speed and sort of represent them in negotiating plea deals and what not. Obviously, the DA isn't really representing them, but at least knowing what the victims want and keeping that in mind when they (the defendant) ask for certain things. During change of plea and sentencing hearings, I frequently here the DA say things along the lines of, "the victims feel really unsafe with this person being out in the community, so we're asking that they get x jail time at least instead of just probation like the defendant is asking for."

Maybe its different in different states, but at least in Alaska, I feel like the victims have some voice.

We have talked to the prosecutor's office. Even though H nearly died and his life has changed forever, it's hard to keep in mind that the person is just in traffic court, not criminal court. Same court that people go for running stop signs or not having an inspection sticker... so things may be a little different. Essentially we have nothing to do with guilty vs. not guilty. The state is bringing a case to prove that the person drove recklessly and we aren't a party to that. (And H doesn't remember anything about the accident so he could not testify anyway.) If the person is found guilty, the severity of my H's injuries as well as the person's previous record could impact the sentencing but we won't be there, as far as I know. It would be the state trooper testifying to that. At least, no one has indicated that we would be able to make a statement or go to court ourselves. I don't know if H is considered a victim in the traditional sense since the charge is reckless driving. We feel pretty cheated and can't believe that as long as you are sober you can basically do whatever the fuck you want on the road and you will probably just pay a fine.

That's definitely frustrating and I imagine tough to out out of your mind in the interim. I'd ask the Prosecutor if your H should attend court (if he wants to). Hearing what you did and seeing what you did is very different.

Does he he qualify for home health care? If you had a nurse out even a couple times a week that could be huge in terms of the relief it could bring you.

OliveOilsMom · May 2016

spockforprez said:

We can't go to court Wednesday, anyway, as we have a very important doctor's appointment where we hope to hear good news about his weight-bearing status! If it gets continued to another date I may follow up again with the prosecutor to see if we could go and make a statement.

You may be able to write a letter and have the prosecutor read it aloud during sentencing. Writing out the letter (you should both be able to write one since you are also a victim, just not a physically injured one) could be very cathartic for you both. Even if the final letter you send to the prosecutor is an edited down version.

SP29 · May 2016

I'm glad things are looking up! I can only imagine how frustrating and fatiguing things are for the both of you. I think you are both handling things extremely well.

Hard to make changes to your home when you know so much is going to change for H over the next few months- even in the first year (which is awesome!). I am sure though with H's engineering mind, whatever adaptations he thinks up and will need in the future, someone can help out with that.

Remember to take care of yourself too. Are there any of H's friends who would come over for a few hours, even to watch a sports event or something, where you could duck out for an hour or two? We are often taught one doesn't ask for things (particularly in regards to etiquette- you don't ask people to help you do things, you wait for people to offer), but I think you should feel comfortable asking for help when/where you need it- whether it is family or friends.

I also think people often don't know how to help, or what would be the best help. If I were a friend of yours and your H, I would want to help but not know what to offer- do I make you dinner? Would you like what I made? Do you want help cleaning? Would it seem like I was judging you if I offered that? Of course the simplest thing for a friend to say is, "Let me know how I can help you" but I find both parties often don't go any further into it than that. I think friends or extended family also don't know how much you want them around, so they tend to keep a low profile. But if you asked, "Hey are you able to come over on X night and hang out with H? He'd really love to watch the basketball game (or whatever)." I jump up to say, "Sure!"- that's *easy* to do.

spockforprez · May 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

spockforprez said:

lovesclimbing said:

spockforprez said:

We have doctors' appointments Weds and Friday this week. The person who hit him also has court on Wednesday. Unfortunately it seems like if you're not drunk, even if you kill someone, there is very little that can happen to you. The person who hit him was charged with reckless driving and the max is 12 months in prison which is extraordinarily unlikely. We are hoping because of the person's terrible driving record (24 moving violations in four counties since 2007) that the judge will not be super lenient, but there's no telling, especially if they bring their own counsel. We have nothing to do with that case, as it is the state vs. that person. It's very frustrating but there's not much we can do. Eventually we would like to get over that person because we don't want them staying in our hearts and minds as we rebuild our life - but right now we indulge our anger a bit. Hard not to!

Umm, I'd try to talk to the DA about this. I'm a journalist, so I'm in court a fair amount and, if there's a victim, I pretty much always see them being given the chance to make a statement during sentencing if they want. Usually, I see the DA in frequent contact with victims throughout the case to keep them up to speed and sort of represent them in negotiating plea deals and what not. Obviously, the DA isn't really representing them, but at least knowing what the victims want and keeping that in mind when they (the defendant) ask for certain things. During change of plea and sentencing hearings, I frequently here the DA say things along the lines of, "the victims feel really unsafe with this person being out in the community, so we're asking that they get x jail time at least instead of just probation like the defendant is asking for."

Maybe its different in different states, but at least in Alaska, I feel like the victims have some voice.

We have talked to the prosecutor's office. Even though H nearly died and his life has changed forever, it's hard to keep in mind that the person is just in traffic court, not criminal court. Same court that people go for running stop signs or not having an inspection sticker... so things may be a little different. Essentially we have nothing to do with guilty vs. not guilty. The state is bringing a case to prove that the person drove recklessly and we aren't a party to that. (And H doesn't remember anything about the accident so he could not testify anyway.) If the person is found guilty, the severity of my H's injuries as well as the person's previous record could impact the sentencing but we won't be there, as far as I know. It would be the state trooper testifying to that. At least, no one has indicated that we would be able to make a statement or go to court ourselves. I don't know if H is considered a victim in the traditional sense since the charge is reckless driving. We feel pretty cheated and can't believe that as long as you are sober you can basically do whatever the fuck you want on the road and you will probably just pay a fine.

That's definitely frustrating and I imagine tough to out out of your mind in the interim. I'd ask the Prosecutor if your H should attend court (if he wants to). Hearing what you did and seeing what you did is very different.

Does he he qualify for home health care? If you had a nurse out even a couple times a week that could be huge in terms of the relief it could bring you.

He's receiving home health, 1-2x per week. Unfortunately we would actually prefer that they didn't come. They just take his vitals (which never change) and do a round of wound care. That part WOULD be nice, since it means I wouldn't have to do it that night, except I do it much better than them so when they do it I have to redo it. (Just an example, he's got two vertical pins sticking out of his pelvis and needs daily changing of the dressing on those pins. When the nurses do it the dressings unravel and ride up, leaving the sites exposed. When I do it, they stay put. Things like that.) Unfortunately I don't think his insurance would like it if we canceled the home health lol so we put up with it. We are hoping that he will be heading to rehab maybe a week from today, or 10 days, so it shouldn't be too much longer!

OliveOilsMom · May 2016

Have you complained about the home health aides? The fact that they cannot change a dressing without it coming undone sounds like they are not good at their job. Can you request other people? I'm sure your insurance company would want to know that someone they are paying to perform a service, is not performing it properly. Especially since it is medical care.

spockforprez · May 2016

SP29 said:

I'm glad things are looking up! I can only imagine how frustrating and fatiguing things are for the both of you. I think you are both handling things extremely well.

Hard to make changes to your home when you know so much is going to change for H over the next few months- even in the first year (which is awesome!). I am sure though with H's engineering mind, whatever adaptations he thinks up and will need in the future, someone can help out with that.

Remember to take care of yourself too. Are there any of H's friends who would come over for a few hours, even to watch a sports event or something, where you could duck out for an hour or two? We are often taught one doesn't ask for things (particularly in regards to etiquette- you don't ask people to help you do things, you wait for people to offer), but I think you should feel comfortable asking for help when/where you need it- whether it is family or friends.

I also think people often don't know how to help, or what would be the best help. If I were a friend of yours and your H, I would want to help but not know what to offer- do I make you dinner? Would you like what I made? Do you want help cleaning? Would it seem like I was judging you if I offered that? Of course the simplest thing for a friend to say is, "Let me know how I can help you" but I find both parties often don't go any further into it than that. I think friends or extended family also don't know how much you want them around, so they tend to keep a low profile. But if you asked, "Hey are you able to come over on X night and hang out with H? He'd really love to watch the basketball game (or whatever)." I jump up to say, "Sure!"- that's *easy* to do.

Our support system was much stronger when he was in the hospital/nursing facility, because he was in my hometown with my large extended family and all my friends. H only has a couple local friends and his parents. He has a bunch of college friends, but they're scattered along the East Coast, and he was somewhat of a loner before meeting me. I have no friends here because when I moved here I worked a terrible job that I hated so I just came home and sat around after work, lol. (Hoping to change that now that I left that job!) His brother is... not quite a deadbeat but just an extremely unreliable person. His closest friend works odd hours and has a baby, plus they took care of our house and mail while we were gone so we are finding it difficult to continue asking them for help. I'm definitely not trying to make excuses or shoot all your ideas down, I'm so sorry! It's just that we pretty much keep to ourselves except when we go to my hometown so the resources here are much more limited.

I also hate to sound like an ungrateful bitch, but like you said, most people don't take their offers to help very seriously (for whatever reason!). I had SO much trouble getting people to visit H when he was in the nursing facility. I felt like I had to beg and even then there was almost no response. It sort of broke my heart. H was in the hospital/facility for 60 days and my MOH only visited once. This is a person who is supposed to be my best friend. Another person told me they were coming to visit on either X day or Y day and that they were bringing supper and also told us the menu of what they were bringing. (So not a generic "we'll stop by this week!" kind of thing.) Then they didn't show up either day, didn't even bother to tell us they weren't coming. I don't know, I feel like I sound like a brat but I was shocked. I know that life goes on, people have obligations and they want to do their own thing on their own time and I can't blame them. It just sucks to get lip service about how "anything we need to just let them know" and then when we ask for help, no one shows. Or making offers/promises and then backing down. I can't tell you how many people asked me for the address where he was staying in the facility so they could mail him a card or send him a gift for his birthday. Then the only person who sent him mail that whole 30 days was my grandmother. It just hurts!

And mostly I try to shield him from all of it so that he doesn't feel lonely or forgotten. And of course make sure I keep a gracious smile on my face so that I am not viewed as a rude, tacky bitch for being disappointed or struggling with the work load. Which I'm sure many people already think I am. I don't know. Sorry to vent! I'm not intentionally trying to act like a hero, it just seems to be the way things are going. Once his parents are back, I can take some more time for myself. Although if H needs to use the restroom, I have to be there. So we'll have to make sure the timing is right. Desperately hoping and praying he will get a script for rehab when he goes to the doc Wednesday!

Wow, this post is really negative. I'm sorry about that.

I guess it hit a sensitive spot.

spockforprez · May 2016

OliveOilsMom said:

Have you complained about the home health aides? The fact that they cannot change a dressing without it coming undone sounds like they are not good at their job. Can you request other people? I'm sure your insurance company would want to know that someone they are paying to perform a service, is not performing it properly. Especially since it is medical care.

We have, and they sent a different nurse yesterday. She was much nicer and more pleasant but her wound care sucked just as much LOL. It was the same way in the nursing home, so maybe I just do it better because he's mine and I care more, I don't know.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

spockforprez said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Have you complained about the home health aides? The fact that they cannot change a dressing without it coming undone sounds like they are not good at their job. Can you request other people? I'm sure your insurance company would want to know that someone they are paying to perform a service, is not performing it properly. Especially since it is medical care.

We have, and they sent a different nurse yesterday. She was much nicer and more pleasant but her wound care sucked just as much LOL. It was the same way in the nursing home, so maybe I just do it better because he's mine and I care more, I don't know.

Just another idea - will the insurance provide a case worker?

My mom was hit by a car while out for a walk a few years ago. She's blind/Deaf and his insurance forced her into a rehab home that would only provide an interpreter for 1 hour/day. I threw a fit, made the ambulance come back to bring her back to the hospital and threatened to sue. She was given a case worker after that who checked on her and came to appointments with us. If we were unhappy with one of her caregivers, she was in charge of getting that person removed. In your case, the case worker would be hired by the insurance agency to make sure the people they are hiring are doing their jobs. Because they're directly employed by the agency, they tend to make effective changes faster than we could on our own.

SP29 · May 2016

spockforprez said:

Our support system was much stronger when he was in the hospital/nursing facility, because he was in my hometown with my large extended family and all my friends. H only has a couple local friends and his parents. He has a bunch of college friends, but they're scattered along the East Coast, and he was somewhat of a loner before meeting me. I have no friends here because when I moved here I worked a terrible job that I hated so I just came home and sat around after work, lol. (Hoping to change that now that I left that job!) His brother is... not quite a deadbeat but just an extremely unreliable person. His closest friend works odd hours and has a baby, plus they took care of our house and mail while we were gone so we are finding it difficult to continue asking them for help. I'm definitely not trying to make excuses or shoot all your ideas down, I'm so sorry! It's just that we pretty much keep to ourselves except when we go to my hometown so the resources here are much more limited.

I also hate to sound like an ungrateful bitch, but like you said, most people don't take their offers to help very seriously (for whatever reason!). I had SO much trouble getting people to visit H when he was in the nursing facility. I felt like I had to beg and even then there was almost no response. It sort of broke my heart. H was in the hospital/facility for 60 days and my MOH only visited once. This is a person who is supposed to be my best friend. Another person told me they were coming to visit on either X day or Y day and that they were bringing supper and also told us the menu of what they were bringing. (So not a generic "we'll stop by this week!" kind of thing.) Then they didn't show up either day, didn't even bother to tell us they weren't coming. I don't know, I feel like I sound like a brat but I was shocked. I know that life goes on, people have obligations and they want to do their own thing on their own time and I can't blame them. It just sucks to get lip service about how "anything we need to just let them know" and then when we ask for help, no one shows. Or making offers/promises and then backing down. I can't tell you how many people asked me for the address where he was staying in the facility so they could mail him a card or send him a gift for his birthday. Then the only person who sent him mail that whole 30 days was my grandmother. It just hurts!

And mostly I try to shield him from all of it so that he doesn't feel lonely or forgotten. And of course make sure I keep a gracious smile on my face so that I am not viewed as a rude, tacky bitch for being disappointed or struggling with the work load. Which I'm sure many people already think I am. I don't know. Sorry to vent! I'm not intentionally trying to act like a hero, it just seems to be the way things are going. Once his parents are back, I can take some more time for myself. Although if H needs to use the restroom, I have to be there. So we'll have to make sure the timing is right. Desperately hoping and praying he will get a script for rehab when he goes to the doc Wednesday!

Wow, this post is really negative. I'm sorry about that. I guess it hit a sensitive spot.

I'm really sorry to hear that

. It sucks when you are in a "new" city, or away from your main group of friends/family. It's rude in general of friends to make plans then no-show. I know easier said than done to say, "Geez, time for new friends!" :P but I hope your DH is able to make some connections in rehab and you when you start your new job

.

spockforprez · May 2016

H has surgery tomorrow morning to remove his external fixator. He is sooooo excited. He says, "There's nothing that I need or want to do that it doesn't interfere with." So happy for him to be able to have it off and not feel like his body is bisected by a gigantic protruding bar anymore! He will also be able to shower without it... 12 weeks later!

We are going to try and get him into inpatient rehab immediately. There will be a big struggle to get him there if he comes home first, according to our insurance case manager. We're in my parent's city at the moment, where he will have the surgery, and we will be getting him into a rehab either at the hospital or nearby (same day). Then we should be able to get him transferred to the place near our house some time this week. The main thing is that he shouldn't be discharged home, even for 1-2 nights, as that can throw everything off. Fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly. I am a bit of a nervous wreck trying to make sure everything will go off as planned (the surgeon, his office, and the case manager are all on our side to try and get him in, but you never know). I will be able to breathe easy when he's there.

His spirits are still high, overall. Being home was great, and the last few nights we've also gotten to share a bed (first time in 82 nights!) which has been wonderful. The situation has taken a pretty hard toll on me, which makes him upset, but not much to be done about that, and the worst should be over now that he's going to rehab. I can't wait to see him building up his strength and independence, and starting to get acquainted with a prosthetic leg!

ILoveBeachMusic · May 2016

Hope everything goes smoothly with the surgery and the rehab transfer!

princessleia22 · May 2016

Yay! I hope it all goes well. So excited to see things moving in a good direction for you guys.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

Praying for a smooth surgery!

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

Sending lots of positive vibes for both of you!

spockforprez · May 2016

Surgery went well and his pelvis held up nicely under stress, so he is weight bearing as tolerated! We ended up with an overnight stay for IV antibiotics and so far all is on track for a rehab transfer. Took 4.5 hours after surgery for a bed to open up so I was pretty frustrated that the whole afternoon, which could have been used for the evaluation, was wasted. But we'll see! Hopefully tomorrow it all goes as planned and I can quit worrying!

Thanks Knotties for all your support! This situation is still pretty tough but we're super excited for rehab and the next phase of things!

100yroldblinddog · May 2016

Awesome news, Spock! More cuddling is in your future.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

I'm so happy the surgery went well. I know this is the big one you have been waiting for. Sending more good vibes for continued healing.

spockforprez · May 2016

100yroldblinddog said:

Awesome news, Spock! More cuddling is in your future.

YAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Cuddling without metal between us.

Updates on my H

Re: Updates on my H

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