Guilty of planning a PPD

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

Cross-posted in Catholic Weddings

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

Cross-posted in Catholic Weddings

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!

Can you give us some more back story? Why is the Sunday date so important?

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

holyguacamole79 said:

ABeautifulJourney said:

Cross-posted in Catholic Weddings

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!

Can you give us some more back story? Why is the Sunday date so important?

Inexplicably, he really wants Guy Fawkes Day (which I admit is pretty cool, because we are Nerds and that would be fun). That, and that I wear heels for the ceremony and at least the first dance, are his only requests so far. The idea of doing the Catholic ceremony in NM a few days before the PPD here is appealing because it might mean including more of his friends who couldn't afford to fly here.

ETA: Sunday weddings are harder to come by with Catholic priests/deacons. We're still early in the planning process so we're negotiating all the options and trying to find what best works for us and what a priest/deacon is willing to do. Since neither of us has a home church or home parish it's a little more convoluted.

ShesSoCold · May 2016

So, I'm a pretty big PPD hater. I think they're dumb and immature. There is no reason for an adult to play dress up outside of the bedroom or Halloween, IMHO. So you can take my opinion here with a grain of salt.

Why is the Sunday so important? Is it more important than your desire to get married in a church? You and your FI need to talk about that. If you're not *actually* married on the Sunday but a few days earlier, will the Sunday still be important?

I'm no expert in anything but especially Catholicism, but I think covalidations are a little harder to get than walking into a church and saying that you had a civil ceremony because you wanted your anniversary to be on X date.

LondonLisa · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

Cross-posted in Catholic Weddings

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!

Sunday's and church weddings rately go hand in hand. Looks like you'll have to choose one. Adulting is realising you can't get everything you want. Either the date is the most important or the church.

and no to a unity ceremony-That seems like the worst option. You can't have a bridesmaid if you are already a wife.

LD1970 · May 2016

If you do it in 2016, November 5 is a Saturday.

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

LD1970 said:

If you do it in 2016, November 5 is a Saturday.

That has crossed my mind, but we'd prefer a slightly longer engagement. We've only been together about six months this time around (though we've known each other thirteen years). He also travels a lot for work, and with him having just started a new job we wanted to have a little more time accrued there before being all "WOO HONEYMOON."

This is not my first rodeo as far as engagement/wedding planning, but there seem to be a lot more calves to rope this time around.

JediElizabeth · May 2016

I'm pretty okay with PPD's as long as I'm not lied to about them. It's the lying that bothers me most.

My thoughts are pretty much: be honest, be good hosts, and don't be offended if anyone decides not to travel or come. Just make sure you're being honest & being good to everyone.

STARMOON44 · May 2016

Wanting a PPD because your FI has a strange date fixation and you can't plan a wedding this year is just plain stupid. What if it were a Wednesday?

Catholic or not Catholic, there is no good reason for you to be having a PPD.

lembaslover · May 2016

I'm sorry but of all the bad reasons to have a PPD (nope there isn't a single good one imho), having one because you want your wedding to fall on a certain date is probably the dumbest. I don't understand why dates are so important to people. When you get married that date will become just as important to you as any other date. Also why does your FI care if you wear heels? I find that really weird...

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

marriedhamstermom said:

I'm sorry but of all the bad reasons to have a PPD (nope there isn't a single good one imho), having one because you want your wedding to fall on a certain date is probably the dumbest. I don't understand why dates are so important to people. When you get married that date will become just as important to you as any other date. Also why does your FI care if you wear heels? I find that really weird...

I'm about eight inches shorter than he is, so I think he's looking forward to me not being at armpit level!

I never said it was a good reason. But it's one of the few things he's requested, and I don't want to summarily tell him his feelings are unimportant because the Etiquette Police might get us.

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

STARMOON44 said:

Wanting a PPD because your FI has a strange date fixation and you can't plan a wedding this year is just plain stupid. What if it were a Wednesday?

Catholic or not Catholic, there is no good reason for you to be having a PPD.

Wednesday would be easier to find a priest to celebrate!

LondonLisa · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

holyguacamole79 said:

ABeautifulJourney said:

Cross-posted in Catholic Weddings

So...it looks as though my FH and I have a couple options at this point:

-civil ceremony here, convalidation at his parents' church in NM a year later

-quick Catholic ceremony here, unity celebration a few days later (including bridesmaids, etc)

-Catholic ceremony, big honking reception here (except not on Sunday, and the specific date FH wants is a Sunday. That's one of only two requests he's had this far and the only reason I'm even considering the PPD.).

Logically I know it's a gross thing to do. Emotionally I want to make FH happy because it's his day too. Is it ever forgivable, and is it less gauche if guests know up front? That is, if it bothers etiquette gurus but guests aren't offended or disgusted does it matter as much?

I tend to be thin-skinned so I'm hoping y'all take it a little easy on me!

Can you give us some more back story? Why is the Sunday date so important?

Inexplicably, he really wants Guy Fawkes Day (which I admit is pretty cool, because we are Nerds and that would be fun). That, and that I wear heels for the ceremony and at least the first dance, are his only requests so far. The idea of doing the Catholic ceremony in NM a few days before the PPD here is appealing because it might mean including more of his friends who couldn't afford to fly here.

ETA: Sunday weddings are harder to come by with Catholic priests/deacons. We're still early in the planning process so we're negotiating all the options and trying to find what best works for us and what a priest/deacon is willing to do. Since neither of us has a home church or home parish it's a little more convoluted.

You can't be that into history if you want to have a Catholic wedding on Guy Fawkes. I genuinely cannot think of a worse day for a catholic to pick... It's a holiday celebrating essentially burning Catholics at the stake after a Catholic essentially tried to kill democracy, put a fundamentalist on the throne and ethnically cleanse all non-Catholics. On Guy Fawkes they put a dummy on a pyre and do a mock burning of Catholics after a catholic tried to blow up parliament! The British diocese have been fighting to end it for years. Seriously, it is like having a Spanish Inquisition themed wedding! At least no one would expect it...

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

marriedhamstermom said:

I'm sorry but of all the bad reasons to have a PPD (nope there isn't a single good one imho), having one because you want your wedding to fall on a certain date is probably the dumbest. I don't understand why dates are so important to people. When you get married that date will become just as important to you as any other date. Also why does your FI care if you wear heels? I find that really weird...

I'm about eight inches shorter than he is, so I think he's looking forward to me not being at armpit level!

I never said it was a good reason. But it's one of the few things he's requested, and I don't want to summarily tell him his feelings are unimportant because the Etiquette Police might get us.

I had to veto both a potluck reception (after coming here, I knew why it was and is a bad idea) and a standing ceremony when FW suggested them. She shook it off and moved on.

ShesSoCold · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

marriedhamstermom said:

I'm sorry but of all the bad reasons to have a PPD (nope there isn't a single good one imho), having one because you want your wedding to fall on a certain date is probably the dumbest. I don't understand why dates are so important to people. When you get married that date will become just as important to you as any other date. Also why does your FI care if you wear heels? I find that really weird...

I'm about eight inches shorter than he is, so I think he's looking forward to me not being at armpit level!

I never said it was a good reason. But it's one of the few things he's requested, and I don't want to summarily tell him his feelings are unimportant because the Etiquette Police might get us.

I get. I wanted to get married on Mick Jagger's birthday. But the date was booked by both the venue we wanted and the venue we ended up on. So I shrugged, said "that sucks" and planned a wedding for a different date.

I still want to know how having a fake wedding and a party on that specific date will mean anything since you wouldn't be legally married on that date (if you go with your second option).

aurianna · May 2016

Does your FH not realize that if you have a small Catholic wedding a few days before, that that day is actually your wedding, both according to the church and the law? If he's still able to consider the unity ceremony his actual wedding day power to him but that would take some mental discipline... or delusion.

Does your FH not realize that convalidations are not automatic and that if you requested one to a priest with this: "Oh, we ignored a sacrament and got married outside of the church because getting married on Guy Fawkes day was more important to us than our faith," you'd be greeted with a large eye roll?

This isn't just about etiquette. This about your faith. If you really don't care if you get married outside of the church fine. But I'm pretty sure your staying in good standing in your church trumps Guy Fawkes day.

These are my suggestions:

1. Call around everywhere and try to find a Catholic church and Priest that does Sunday weddings. Most Catholic churches don't do Saturday evening weddings but I found one, so I'm guessing a Sunday may exist somewhere. (Don't forget to tap Catholic schools and colleges that may not typically have Sunday mass. For priests consider contacting monk monasteries (many brothers are often ordained priests and may not have the same Sunday commitments as parish priests).

2. Get married this year.

3. Have a Monday wedding in 2018 and accept the high decline rate.

4. Have a discussion with your FH that you understand it's important to him, but that it's important to you to not sacrifice sacraments and your standing in the church. Find out if you could instead start your honeymoon that day or do something else super fun then instead.

5. IF you don't care about your standing in the church, try for the convalidation but know that it may not happen and you may have to jump through some hoops to get back in with the church

Also... not why you posted and not really my business... but seriously. You are 8" shorter than him. He knew this when he started dating you. You're shorter. That's who you are. It he's looking forward to seeing you above armpit height that tells me you don't wear heels on a regular basis... so his big wish for his wedding and for the immortalized pictures... is for you to not look like you?

LondonLisa · May 2016

aurianna said:

Does your FH not realize that if you have a small Catholic wedding a few days before, that that day is actually your wedding, both according to the church and the law? If he's still able to consider the unity ceremony his actual wedding day power to him but that would take some mental discipline... or delusion.

Does your FH not realize that convalidations are not automatic and that if you requested one to a priest with this: "Oh, we ignored a sacrament and got married outside of the church because getting married on Guy Fawkes day was more important to us than our faith," you'd be greeted with a large eye roll?

This isn't just about etiquette. This about your faith. If you really don't care if you get married outside of the church fine. But I'm pretty sure your staying in good standing in your church trumps Guy Fawkes day.

These are my suggestions:

1. Call around everywhere and try to find a Catholic church and Priest that does Sunday weddings. Most Catholic churches don't do Saturday evening weddings but I found one, so I'm guessing a Sunday may exist somewhere. (Don't forget to tap Catholic schools and colleges that may not typically have Sunday mass. For priests consider contacting monk monasteries (many brothers are often ordained priests and may not have the same Sunday commitments as parish priests).

2. Get married this year.

3. Have a Monday wedding in 2018 and accept the high decline rate.

4. Have a discussion with your FH that you understand it's important to him, but that it's important to you to not sacrifice sacraments and your standing in the church. Find out if you could instead start your honeymoon that day or do something else super fun then instead.

5. IF you don't care about your standing in the church, try for the convalidation but know that it may not happen and you may have to jump through some hoops to get back in with the church

Also... not why you posted and not really my business... but seriously. You are 8" shorter than him. He knew this when he started dating you. You're shorter. That's who you are. It he's looking forward to seeing you above armpit height that tells me you don't wear heels on a regular basis... so his big wish for his wedding and for the immortalized pictures... is for you to not look like you?

Especially because Guy Fawkes is a SUPER anti-catholic holiday!

SP29 · May 2016

My biggest thing about a PPD is that I'm not being lied to- however, I think they are silly.

TBH, I can get over a couple who gets married and then has another ceremony in order to include a special family member (like a parent or grandparent), but that should be it, a simple ceremony, no big hoopla.

I wouldn't hate it if you were very open and honest to your guests and let them ALL know what the plans are- for example, you invite all your guests to attend either or both a Catholic ceremony on X date and then a unity ceremony on Y date. They can decide to attend one, none or both. Again, I think it is silly AND a lot of money, as you need to host any guests who attend either ceremony afterwards, but I wouldn't end a friendship over it. It also lets your guest decide if it is more important to them to attend your actual legal ceremony, rather than you deciding for your guests what they are allowed to attend. I also think that your unity ceremony should not include a wedding party, make mention to "bride" or "groom" as you are "wife" and "husband", or any "firsts". It is appropriate to receive and host your guests- always. It is appropriate to cut and serve a cake (but you do not feed each other, you serve your guests first). It is appropriate to open up the dance floor, but it is not a spectacle of yourself and your future DH. I don't care what you wear- maybe tacky, but never "rude" to wear a wedding dress whenever you want.

Overall, I agree that I think you need to figure out what is most important- a Catholic ceremony or a specific date. Neither is wrong, but I think as an adult you deal with not getting one in the same.

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

aurianna said:

Does your FH not realize that if you have a small Catholic wedding a few days before, that that day is actually your wedding, both according to the church and the law? If he's still able to consider the unity ceremony his actual wedding day power to him but that would take some mental discipline... or delusion.

Does your FH not realize that convalidations are not automatic and that if you requested one to a priest with this: "Oh, we ignored a sacrament and got married outside of the church because getting married on Guy Fawkes day was more important to us than our faith," you'd be greeted with a large eye roll?

This isn't just about etiquette. This about your faith. If you really don't care if you get married outside of the church fine. But I'm pretty sure your staying in good standing in your church trumps Guy Fawkes day.

These are my suggestions:

1. Call around everywhere and try to find a Catholic church and Priest that does Sunday weddings. Most Catholic churches don't do Saturday evening weddings but I found one, so I'm guessing a Sunday may exist somewhere. (Don't forget to tap Catholic schools and colleges that may not typically have Sunday mass. For priests consider contacting monk monasteries (many brothers are often ordained priests and may not have the same Sunday commitments as parish priests).

2. Get married this year.

3. Have a Monday wedding in 2018 and accept the high decline rate.

4. Have a discussion with your FH that you understand it's important to him, but that it's important to you to not sacrifice sacraments and your standing in the church. Find out if you could instead start your honeymoon that day or do something else super fun then instead.

5. IF you don't care about your standing in the church, try for the convalidation but know that it may not happen and you may have to jump through some hoops to get back in with the church

Also... not why you posted and not really my business... but seriously. You are 8" shorter than him. He knew this when he started dating you. You're shorter. That's who you are. It he's looking forward to seeing you above armpit height that tells me you don't wear heels on a regular basis... so his big wish for his wedding and for the immortalized pictures... is for you to not look like you?

Re: the shoes--I'm also a jeans and chucks type year round and will be wearing a wedding gown, so for that part I don't really consider them all that different.

We are both keenly aware of the history of GFD, and it was obviously less of a problem when our initial plan was civil wedding at a castle. Now that those plans have shifted we are re-evaluating and considering *all* options, which is where y'all come in.

JediElizabeth · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

aurianna said:

Does your FH not realize that if you have a small Catholic wedding a few days before, that that day is actually your wedding, both according to the church and the law? If he's still able to consider the unity ceremony his actual wedding day power to him but that would take some mental discipline... or delusion.

Does your FH not realize that convalidations are not automatic and that if you requested one to a priest with this: "Oh, we ignored a sacrament and got married outside of the church because getting married on Guy Fawkes day was more important to us than our faith," you'd be greeted with a large eye roll?

This isn't just about etiquette. This about your faith. If you really don't care if you get married outside of the church fine. But I'm pretty sure your staying in good standing in your church trumps Guy Fawkes day.

These are my suggestions:

1. Call around everywhere and try to find a Catholic church and Priest that does Sunday weddings. Most Catholic churches don't do Saturday evening weddings but I found one, so I'm guessing a Sunday may exist somewhere. (Don't forget to tap Catholic schools and colleges that may not typically have Sunday mass. For priests consider contacting monk monasteries (many brothers are often ordained priests and may not have the same Sunday commitments as parish priests).

2. Get married this year.

3. Have a Monday wedding in 2018 and accept the high decline rate.

4. Have a discussion with your FH that you understand it's important to him, but that it's important to you to not sacrifice sacraments and your standing in the church. Find out if you could instead start your honeymoon that day or do something else super fun then instead.

5. IF you don't care about your standing in the church, try for the convalidation but know that it may not happen and you may have to jump through some hoops to get back in with the church

Also... not why you posted and not really my business... but seriously. You are 8" shorter than him. He knew this when he started dating you. You're shorter. That's who you are. It he's looking forward to seeing you above armpit height that tells me you don't wear heels on a regular basis... so his big wish for his wedding and for the immortalized pictures... is for you to not look like you?

Re: the shoes--I'm also a jeans and chucks type year round and will be wearing a wedding gown, so for that part I don't really consider them all that different.

We are both keenly aware of the history of GFD, and it was obviously less of a problem when our initial plan was civil wedding at a castle. Now that those plans have shifted we are re-evaluating and considering *all* options, which is where y'all come in.

Why did your plans shift? This seems like a key piece of the story.

SP29 · May 2016

JediElizabeth said:

ABeautifulJourney said:

aurianna said:

Does your FH not realize that if you have a small Catholic wedding a few days before, that that day is actually your wedding, both according to the church and the law? If he's still able to consider the unity ceremony his actual wedding day power to him but that would take some mental discipline... or delusion.

Does your FH not realize that convalidations are not automatic and that if you requested one to a priest with this: "Oh, we ignored a sacrament and got married outside of the church because getting married on Guy Fawkes day was more important to us than our faith," you'd be greeted with a large eye roll?

This isn't just about etiquette. This about your faith. If you really don't care if you get married outside of the church fine. But I'm pretty sure your staying in good standing in your church trumps Guy Fawkes day.

These are my suggestions:

1. Call around everywhere and try to find a Catholic church and Priest that does Sunday weddings. Most Catholic churches don't do Saturday evening weddings but I found one, so I'm guessing a Sunday may exist somewhere. (Don't forget to tap Catholic schools and colleges that may not typically have Sunday mass. For priests consider contacting monk monasteries (many brothers are often ordained priests and may not have the same Sunday commitments as parish priests).

2. Get married this year.

3. Have a Monday wedding in 2018 and accept the high decline rate.

4. Have a discussion with your FH that you understand it's important to him, but that it's important to you to not sacrifice sacraments and your standing in the church. Find out if you could instead start your honeymoon that day or do something else super fun then instead.

5. IF you don't care about your standing in the church, try for the convalidation but know that it may not happen and you may have to jump through some hoops to get back in with the church

Also... not why you posted and not really my business... but seriously. You are 8" shorter than him. He knew this when he started dating you. You're shorter. That's who you are. It he's looking forward to seeing you above armpit height that tells me you don't wear heels on a regular basis... so his big wish for his wedding and for the immortalized pictures... is for you to not look like you?

Re: the shoes--I'm also a jeans and chucks type year round and will be wearing a wedding gown, so for that part I don't really consider them all that different.

We are both keenly aware of the history of GFD, and it was obviously less of a problem when our initial plan was civil wedding at a castle. Now that those plans have shifted we are re-evaluating and considering *all* options, which is where y'all come in.

Why did your plans shift? This seems like a key piece of the story.

I agree. If your initial thought was not, "of course we will have a Catholic ceremony because our faith is important to us", why is it now?

aurianna · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

Re: the shoes--I'm also a jeans and chucks type year round and will be wearing a wedding gown, so for that part I don't really consider them all that different.

We are both keenly aware of the history of GFD, and it was obviously less of a problem when our initial plan was civil wedding at a castle. Now that those plans have shifted we are re-evaluating and considering *all* options, which is where y'all come in.

If you're not offended by it then it's silly for me to tell you that you should be so if you're cool with it, cool.

If you decide to proceed with the PPD:
1. Be honest with your guests. If they find out your "wedding" was neither your civil, nor your religious, wedding after the fact (especially if you have a sunday night event that involves guests' taking off work on Monday), some people will be pissed.

2. Accept that you might have a few guests who will decline (Unless I was really, really, close to you, I would not travel to a fake wedding, especially if it meant I had to take Monday off work).

3. Accept that you might have several guests that think what you're doing, and the reasons you're doing it, is goofy and there may be talking behind your back.

...but I hope it doesn't come to that. Especially since you're looking at a year and a half engagement, if you do your homework you may be able to find a way to make a Catholic Sunday wedding work. Good luck!!

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

*Not quoting because multiple people asked*

the castle was my dream venue, and since he and I are both semi-lapsed Catholics (and my parents had a civil ceremony with a convalidation a few years later), there was less drive to have it in the church. But the more research I've done, and the pricier things have become, the more we've wondered if we should go back to square one. Which became "well, if we're starting from scratch, we need to put the church wedding back on the table."

I appreciate everyone's responses! I know PPDs are the green shag carpeting of wedding plans.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

My husband wanted the chicken dance played at our wedding. It didn't happen. There's a certain thing called compromise. You either get married in the Catholic Church or you get married on his special day.

The desire to go through all this hoopla to be married on a specific day is something I will never understand.

SP29 · May 2016

ABeautifulJourney said:

I appreciate everyone's responses! I know PPDs are the green shag carpeting of wedding plans.

Bahahaha!

themosthappy91 · May 2016

Personally, I really don't care that much about PPDs- but people on a etiquette board aren't going to tell you to do something that's against etiquette 101.

Have you talked to your FI about why some people would be offended by the idea of a PPD? Maybe if he understood that it might upset some of his guests he'd be less invested in the Sunday ceremony.

Honestly it sounds like y'all are overcomplicating things by bringing the Catholic church back into the equation. If having a Catholic wedding ceremony is less emotionally significant than having a ceremony on Guy Fawkes day... it seems like you aren't that invested in the church to begin with. That, plus the fact you say you are both lapsed, have no home parish and weren't even planning on a church wedding until recently- how important can it really be to you? (Not saying that as a judgment, just an observation!)

MesmrEwe · May 2016

Given the added information about the date he's wanting - I question the getting married in the church aspect - just say'n... But that not withstanding - Your first job is to find a "Home parish" (masstimes.org can help you with this) to find a parish that you can become involved in. I feel like I'm going "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" on you here - but getting married in the Catholic Church (or any denomination for that matter) is more than just a "pretty venue". It's not an ecumenical service, there are requirements that you'll need to go through. Spend a few weeks going to masses at area churches for you, one of the parishes will stick out to you more than others as where you'll want to go back to. Then inquire about the process of being married in the diocese (much easier to do if you make the first contact AT church if you aren't a member yet!).. It's not as simple as "getting married at our parent's church back home"!!! There's marriage Prep classes/meetings and potentially a diocese mandated marriage encounter class/weekend. And, even if you do decide to get married at your parent's parish, you'll need to meet the requirements at a home parish.

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

MesmrEwe said:

Given the added information about the date he's wanting - I question the getting married in the church aspect - just say'n... But that not withstanding - Your first job is to find a "Home parish" (masstimes.org can help you with this) to find a parish that you can become involved in. I feel like I'm going "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" on you here - but getting married in the Catholic Church (or any denomination for that matter) is more than just a "pretty venue". It's not an ecumenical service, there are requirements that you'll need to go through. Spend a few weeks going to masses at area churches for you, one of the parishes will stick out to you more than others as where you'll want to go back to. Then inquire about the process of being married in the diocese (much easier to do if you make the first contact AT church if you aren't a member yet!).. It's not as simple as "getting married at our parent's church back home"!!! There's marriage Prep classes/meetings and potentially a diocese mandated marriage encounter class/weekend. And, even if you do decide to get married at your parent's parish, you'll need to meet the requirements at a home parish.

Qft

scrunchythief · May 2016

If you want a church wedding, you need to go talk to a priest. They'll give you the best advice on what you can and can't do.

I have heard of Catholic weddings on Sundays. However, they normally take place during the regular Sunday Mass, with everyone who normally goes at that time. And you can't pick your readings or music, and there normally isn't as much hoopla. And all of that is if the parish will allow it at all. You might find a deacon more willing to do a Sunday afternoon wedding, but it couldn't be a full Mass then.

But, I think this is being planned a tad backwards. To me at least, what type of ceremony matters much more than what date it will be on.

Maybe you could have an after party that lasts till midnight between the 4th and the 5th?

charlotte989875 · May 2016

So I'm PPD-lite, I'm really not bothered that much by them and I do think there are occasionally reasons I can understand.

That being said I also think the ceremony is important and watching people say their vows is meaningful. Therefore I'd be pissed if I found out the reason you were having a redo two or three days later (not months or years, but days later) was for a specific date and it was on a Sunday, seriously really annoyed.

If the date is more important to you than your guests (in that you're not having them for your real ceremony and on a day that tends to be inconvenient) why not elope?

ABeautifulJourney · May 2016

MesmrEwe said:
Given the added information about the date he's wanting - I question the getting married in the church aspect - just say'n... But that not withstanding - Your first job is to find a "Home parish" (masstimes.org can help you with this) to find a parish that you can become involved in. I feel like I'm going "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" on you here - but getting married in the Catholic Church (or any denomination for that matter) is more than just a "pretty venue". It's not an ecumenical service, there are requirements that you'll need to go through. Spend a few weeks going to masses at area churches for you, one of the parishes will stick out to you more than others as where you'll want to go back to. Then inquire about the process of being married in the diocese (much easier to do if you make the first contact AT church if you aren't a member yet!).. It's not as simple as "getting married at our parent's church back home"!!! There's marriage Prep classes/meetings and potentially a diocese mandated marriage encounter class/weekend. And, even if you do decide to get married at your parent's parish, you'll need to meet the requirements at a home parish.

I know we'd need to do Engaged Encounter, Pre-Cana, etc. I've been in touch with a friend who is a local diocesan priest. I know there's a lot more nuance and there are complexities here. And I know there is more to it than "oooh pretty church." FH is less a churchgoer than I am, we both attend less than our parents. Both our mothers are super involved in lay ministries and my brother is in the seminary. I'm not entirely ignorant of the process, there are just parts that sit wrong with me.

Guilty of planning a PPD

Re: Guilty of planning a PPD

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