Dear Prudence,
I keep up with a fairly large group of people from college. I recently discovered the secret online activity of a member of the group. He has become increasingly unlikable over the years but lives close to another of our college friends, a woman who is married and has a very successful, demanding career. I discovered that he has posted many disturbing comments online about lusting after her, claiming that he’s slept with her, and attempting to go through her husband’s phone to look for private pictures she may have sent him. None of his comments directly suggested that he would try anything violent, but he’s clearly unstable and delusional.
I feel an obligation to tell her. But I’m also worried about how she will handle this. If she sees some of the things he’s said, she’s quite likely to have a full-blown panic attack. She has a history of debilitating anxiety and has had to take time off work to deal with it in the past. I don’t feel it’s my place to dictate what she can and can’t handle. I want to do right by my friend, but I don’t want to cause her undue stress and anxiety. (She’s very good friends with this creep’s wife.)