Clueless about invitations- how to?

CMGragain · May 2016

SP29 said:

We (or I should say, DH) printed out names and addresses on the envelopes via the printer. He created a template on the computer, picked a cursive font, centered everything, etc. It turned out really well- clearly written, still looked nice, and DH spent a lot of time getting the template right, so it wasn't like we just threw something together.

While I understand that hand writing the name/address on the envelope is more personal, the point of an envelope is to provide information on to whom and where the contents of the envelope are to be delivered. Thus I fail to see how not handwriting names/addresses is poor etiquette.

Sorry, but this is a very old traditional rule. Not so long ago, business mail was machine addressed (typewritten) while personal mail was hand addressed. If you were wealthy enough to have servants, the butler collected the mail and separated it into two groups - business mail for the man, personal mail for the woman. The woman responded to all social mail with her beautifully schooled handwriting. The man paid the bills. No one cared about their handwriting unless they were clerks. Yes, it was sexist, but in those days roles in a household were more clearly divided. This is where the tradition originated. Think Downton Abbey. As recently as WWll, some traditional women were offended by letters that were not hand addressed.
I do think that this rule is changing, but it hasn't yet, at least officially. It is a nod to old traditions and the importance of the wedding invitation.
I still have love letters that were written to me long ago by DH. They wouldn't be so special if they were typed.

MairePoppy · May 2016

CMGragain said:

SP29 said:

We (or I should say, DH) printed out names and addresses on the envelopes via the printer. He created a template on the computer, picked a cursive font, centered everything, etc. It turned out really well- clearly written, still looked nice, and DH spent a lot of time getting the template right, so it wasn't like we just threw something together.

While I understand that hand writing the name/address on the envelope is more personal, the point of an envelope is to provide information on to whom and where the contents of the envelope are to be delivered. Thus I fail to see how not handwriting names/addresses is poor etiquette.

Sorry, but this is a very old traditional rule. Not so long ago, business mail was machine addressed (typewritten) while personal mail was hand addressed. If you were wealthy enough to have servants, the butler collected the mail and separated it into two groups - business mail for the man, personal mail for the woman. The woman responded to all social mail with her beautifully schooled handwriting. The man paid the bills. No one cared about their handwriting unless they were clerks. Yes, it was sexist, but in those days roles in a household were more clearly divided. This is where the tradition originated. Think Downton Abbey. As recently as WWll, some traditional women were offended by letters that were not hand addressed.
I do think that this rule is changing, but it hasn't yet, at least officially. It is a nod to old traditions and the importance of the wedding invitation.
I still have love letters that were written to me long ago by DH. They wouldn't be so special if they were typed.

With all due respect, CMgra, I think this is something that has changed. Women are no longer the social secretaries of their families. Men aren't solely responsible for the bills and business needs of their families. Schools in my area have decided that teaching cursive or penmanship is a waste of time. As much as I admire beautiful handwritten script, I don't think it's rude to use technology that wasn't available when those etiquette rules were written so many decades and centuries ago.

CMGragain · May 2016

I am only waiting for a respected Wedding Etiquette authority (NOT Emily Post Corp) to OK it. I expect it will happen soon. I only quote the authorities. I'm not confident enough to make up my own rules.

MairePoppy · May 2016

If you think about it, those little rsvp cards aren't proper, either. Your standard etiquette books and Dear Miss Manners wouldn't approve, but they are acceptable, even expected. There are people who think it's rude not to include them along with a stamped, addressed envelope. The rule changed because thousands of brides mailed out those little cards.

It's okay, CMGragain. I know you're not the reckless type, who will break rules. OP, CMGragain gave the correct, etiquette approved advice.

CMGragain · May 2016

I didn't use RSVP cards at my wedding! Actually, I think it is because all the wedding stationers smelled money and made those little RSVP cards with their pre-printed envelopes, $$$$ Have you ever noticed how expensive they are, compared to the cost of the invitation?

Wedding invitation changes I have seen in my lifetime:

Color on invitations.
Printed invitations (Not raised printing).
Wording that "expresses the love" of the couple.
Printed RSVPs.
Addresses that are not hand written.
Save the Dates.
Menu choices given in advance.
Internet wedding websites.
An extended time for reply. Invitations used to be sent out 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding, not the current 6 to 8 weeks.

Wedding practices that have changed during my lifetime:

Dinner receptions
Outdoor ceremonies
Tuxedos worn at weddings
DJs
Alcohol
Limousines
Huge bridal parties
Bachelorette parties
Computer on-line registries
Engagement parties that are held for the couple's friends to party.
Close family members hosting showers. (I still disapprove of this. Gift grabby!)
Expensive, out of the country honeymoons.
Wedding dresses that can be described as "sexy".
Loads of big, sparkly jewelry on the bride. (Used to be taboo.)
Destination weddings.
Same sex couples getting married. (Yay! Glad this happened!)

Wedding traditions that have not changed:

People who are in love get married in front of friends and family.
The couple personally thanks each guest for coming.
The guests are given food and drink after the ceremony. (Reception)
Guests are mailed paper invitations that clearly state who, what, when and where.
The bride sends handwritten thankyou notes ASAP.

Tyvm · May 2016

The bride sends handwritten thankyou notes ASAP.

@CMGragain *ahem* Bride and groom, perhaps? The couple?

Heffalump · May 2016

Tyvm said:

The bride sends handwritten thankyou notes ASAP.

@CMGragain *ahem* Bride and groom, perhaps? The couple?

Especially since some couples have two grooms and no brides. Someone needs to write those TY notes.

CMGragain · May 2016

Agreed! Still, if the thank you notes are not forthcoming, the bride does tend to get the blame. Not fair.

KShiz · June 2016

I know that this post is gathering dust, but I had to chime in on the "absolutely no labels" comment.

If Martha can do it and make it look fab, labels for everyone!!!

http://www.marthastewart.com/273789/ready-and-labeled

Also, if you're into the handwritten look (which I don't think is necessary either, pretty, yes), I really dig the suggestion someone already made on this thread of printing out in a scripty font in a light color and tracing over it with a decorative pen. You could run down to Michael's and get a calligraphy pen so you could get those "thicks & thins" that make calligraphy so beautiful.

Clueless about invitations- how to?

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