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Etiquette

Wedding guests asking if they can bring +1

Our invites have gone out and I'm already getting texts asking if our guest can bring a +1. What is the best way to say no? I'm really awful in these situations and don't want to seem mean. 
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Re: Wedding guests asking if they can bring +1

  • Guests I was unaware that they have significant others. 
  • Agree with PPs.
    It was up to you to find out if your guests had SOs prior to sending out invitations. Now the only thing to do is apologize for leaving SO off the invite and of course welcoming them.

    The only wiggle room is this:
    Assuming you sent your invite out at the right time frame (4-8 weeks prior to the wedding), and a then-single guest only got into a relationship after invites went out... if you truly don't have room (I'm talking legitimately hitting the fire code cap / no physical way to get another chair at a table or another table in the room) I think that's the only scenario in which you can tell them that it's just not possible. But even this is really awkward and if you get any declines immediately call up this guest and let them know they are welcome to bring their SO if they decide to attend.

    Why it's good to initially budget for non-existent SOs in case they ever turn into actual SOs.
    madamerwinPrettyGirlLost
  • Yah significant others are not plus ones so there is no way to do this without being "mean". 

    How many people are you talking here? Really the only thing to do (that won't hurt you're guests feelings) is to apologize for the mistake and find a way to make it work. 
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Any guest who considers them self to be in a relationship at the time invitations are sent must be invited with their significant other. A significant other should be invited by name. It is on the host to ask if the guest is in a relationship.

    A plus one is for a truly single guest, and is a nice gesture, but never required.

    OP, tell your guests, "I am sorry for the oversight, of course your SO is invited. What is his/her name?".
    OurWildKingdom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Anyone in a relationship, regardless of marital status or length of time together, must be invited.  If you overlooked these significant others, you need to apologize and accommodate for them at the wedding. 


    image
    OurWildKingdomMairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    levioosa said:
    Anyone in a relationship, regardless of marital status or length of time together, must be invited.
    Depends on what you mean by "relationship". A person might be casually dating multiple people, for instance; a host is not obligated to invite all of those casual partners.


    AroundTheBlock
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    levioosa said:

    Are you fucking serious right now?  Do you just post shit to be contrary?  A relationship is different than casual dating.  If a couple considers themselves to be in a relationship with each other, they must be invited together.  
    You really don't have to be rude about it. That's why I said it depends on what you mean by "relationship". It's ambiguous, and does not perfectly intersect with the actual rule on who must be invited. Some people who are part of social units (and thus need to be invited together) may not be in a romantic relationship, while some people may have some form of romantic relationship (nascent, or secret, or non-exclusive) that doesn't necessarily constitute a social unit.


    db1984AroundTheBlock
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LtPowers said:
    levioosa said:

    Are you fucking serious right now?  Do you just post shit to be contrary?  A relationship is different than casual dating.  If a couple considers themselves to be in a relationship with each other, they must be invited together.  
    You really don't have to be rude about it. That's why I said it depends on what you mean by "relationship". It's ambiguous, and does not perfectly intersect with the actual rule on who must be invited. Some people who are part of social units (and thus need to be invited together) may not be in a romantic relationship, while some people may have some form of romantic relationship (nascent, or secret, or non-exclusive) that doesn't necessarily constitute a social unit.


    Sometimes I wonder if you really are just that obtuse, or if you're a giant troll.  Because nothing you say makes actual sense, and like LondonLisa said, it doesn't take two brain cells to figure out if someone is in a relationship. Why do you make things so hard?  Etiquette is not hard.  You make every effort to make it as confusing and contrary as possible. 


    image
    lnixon8InLoveInQueens
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    That's why I said it depends on what you mean by "relationship". It's ambiguous, and does not perfectly intersect with the actual rule on who must be invited. 
    @LtPowers AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


    k thnx bye

  • edited June 2016
    A wedding plate cost a lot of money so I don't know if it's always smart to just hand out plus ones to anyone who has recently entered a relationship or isn't in one.  I can understand giving it to people who have been dating for a long time or live together.  However, I wouldn't want someone to just find someone to go to the wedding with unless this guest really doesn't know anyone else.

    Especially since weddings are often times for a group of friends from high school/college to reconnect.  The plus one would be the odd person out in a lot of situations and would feel awkward.
    Knottie1452098987
  • A wedding plate cost a lot of money so I don't know if it's always smart to just hand out plus ones to anyone who has recently entered a relationship or isn't in one.  I can understand giving it to people who have been dating for a long time or live together.  However, I wouldn't want someone to just find someone to go to the wedding with unless this guest really doesn't know anyone else.

    Especially since weddings are often times for a group of friends from high school/college to reconnect.  The plus one would be the odd person out in a lot of situations and would feel awkward.
    I'm only 10 years out of high school but if there is someone who I didn't keep in touch with (texting, Facebook, instagram) then I'd prefer to hangout with my SO than people I used to be friends with. And I would make sure that my SO wasn't left out. 


    PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2016
    A wedding plate cost a lot of money so I don't know if it's always smart to just hand out plus ones to anyone who has recently entered a relationship or isn't in one.  I can understand giving it to people who have been dating for a long time or live together.  However, I wouldn't want someone to just find someone to go to the wedding with unless this guest really doesn't know anyone else.

    Especially since weddings are often times for a group of friends from high school/college to reconnect.  The plus one would be the odd person out in a lot of situations and would feel awkward.
    Anyone in a relationship at the time invitations are being mailed, must be invited with their SO. This is very different than a guest "finding someone to go with", that would be a plus one. If someone starts a new relationship 2 weeks before your wedding, no, you are not required to invite them. However, if you have extra space, it would be a nice gesture.

    This is why it is recommended that when you make your guest list, you assume each guest will have an SO so it is budgeted. And if they don't- under budget!

    DH and I had a long distance relationship for 6 years where we only saw each other twice per year. I had met hardly any of his friends. When two of his friends got married, I was (correctly) invited. Their wedding was the first time I met either of them. These people are now some of MY best friends.

    You never know who you will meet. If someone is important enough to be invited to your wedding, then it is important enough for you to meet and host their SO.


    OurWildKingdom
  • I'm a little surprised by all the posts saying you have to invite a SO and you should apologize and offer an invite. If you didn't even know the person was in a relationship, let alone, actually know the SO I don't think that automatically dictates an invite. It's a personal decision and if someone has been dating the person 1 month and you've never met them, I think it's ok to not invite them. Just as long as you're consistent with how you treat guests. Now if you have the room in your budget then of course it's a nice gesture and I'm sure they'd appreciate it but I think that's entirely your decision. If you decide not to, I would just explain your decision in a nice way and they should understand. What I would avoid doing is using terms like we only invited "serious" relationships because people can get offended by that and it's not fair to qualify someone else's relationship to me. You can say we only invited SOs we have met, or relationships that were engaged or living together, etc.
    GoingGoshko
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