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Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
edited June 2016 in Attire & Accessories Forum
My mom asked me this weekend what color I want her to wear. I really don't know. Should she match the bridal party or not? Also, while this is a fairly formal wedding, it is outdoors and all the dresses I see are super formal and my mom is not the formal type. Would a pant suit be appropriate?

As for my FH's mom...I'm so worried that she's going to show up in jeans and a sweatshirt since that's literally the only thing I've ever seen her wear (except sweatpants). I'm just crossing my fingers that she wears something nice. 

I think I'll offer to go shopping with my mom since she asked what to wear, but I have no idea where to start. I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT. Ideas for mom?
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Re: Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

  • geebee908geebee908 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited June 2016
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    My mom asked me this weekend what color I want her to wear. I really don't know. Should she match the bridal party or not? Also, while this is a fairly formal wedding, it is outdoors and all the dresses I see are super formal and my mom is not the formal type. Would a pant suit be appropriate?As for my FH's mom...I'm so worried that she's going to show up in jeans and a sweatshirt since that's literally the only thing I've ever seen her wear (except sweatpants). I'm just crossing my fingers that she wears something nice. 

    I think I'll offer to go shopping with my mom since she asked what to wear, but I have no idea where to start. I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT. Ideas for mom?
    Just tell your mom (and FMIL) to wear whatever she feels beautiful in, whatever kind of outfit that may be. Adults can be trusted to be able to dress themselves and their choices won't reflect on you at all.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree tell her to wear what she feels comfortable wearing. I see no problem with you going shopping together, though. My DD lives 3 hours away so I texted her pictures of dress as I was trying it on.

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    @ILoveBeachMusic I think that was my mom's way of asking me to go shopping with her. She's pretty casual most of the time and I don't think she feels comfortable shopping by herself for this kind of occasion. 
    Then go and have a good time!! I also forgot to tell you that yes, a pantsuit would be appropriate.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I think she'd be more comfortable in one. She broke her back 6 weeks ago and walking is difficult right now, but once she feels better, we'll go.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Going with your mom sounds like a great idea. Try department stores as well as bridal shops, usually better deals and more options if she's not into a super formal gown. 
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @charlotte989875 I was definitely going to skip the bridal stores. What I've seen there is way more formal that I think she'll want to be. Then again, she may surprise me and want to go all out.
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2016
    Have fun shopping with your Mom! Our colors are shades of blue, and my Mom picked out a navy blue pantsuit with some teal threads in the jacket, and it looks great on her. For my brother and SIL's wedding, she wore a light green dress; their colors were hunter green and burgundy.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    My mom asked me this weekend what color I want her to wear. I really don't know. Should she match the bridal party or not? Also, while this is a fairly formal wedding, it is outdoors and all the dresses I see are super formal and my mom is not the formal type. Would a pant suit be appropriate?

    As for my FH's mom...I'm so worried that she's going to show up in jeans and a sweatshirt since that's literally the only thing I've ever seen her wear (except sweatpants). I'm just crossing my fingers that she wears something nice. 

    I think I'll offer to go shopping with my mom since she asked what to wear, but I have no idea where to start. I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT. Ideas for mom?
    You may have never seen your FMIL dress in anything other than jeans, but that doesn't mean she isn't capable of dressing appropriately for occasions.  There is no point in worrying about what she wears, because it will have absolutely no bearing on you or your wedding.  If she is, in fact, a very casual person, bear in mind that even her "amped up" attire may be more casual than your expectation or hope.  Let it be.

    There is no such thing as dressy casual.  Let adults figure out themselves how to dress.The only caveat I would add is to make sure guests are alerted that the wedding is outdoors.  Hopefully you have made plans to keep guests cool, and have an indoor contingency for excessively hot or rainy weather.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    Moms can wear whatever color they want. My mom wore gray and my MIL wore navy blue and they both looked great. Only color instruction I gave my mom was to make sure she'd like how it looked in pictures. I agree that skipping the bridal stores is the way to go. Everything you see there will be very formal; department stores will offer a better range of options. 

    I'm not sure what you mean by creative dressy casual, but I would not tell your guests that.
    image
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Go shopping with your Mom - because it's the fun thing to do! 

    Other than that - something she feels beautiful in - that's what she should wear!  No other guideline than that.  Don't complicate it.  If she smiles at herself in the mirror with her eyes - that's the dress! 

    As for FMIL - just because the only thing you've ever seen her wear is casual, doesn't mean she's going to show up to her son's wedding wearing it.  Let her figure it out and give her the same recommendation - something she looks & feels beautiful wearing!  Never know - she may clean up real nice!

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    STARMOON44 said:
    What on earth does creative dressy casual even mean?!?
    At first it said creative black tie and I just didn't back space enough. It should just say dressy casual.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @downtondiva I wasn't planning on telling anyone what the dress code is, which is why I said I'd like for it to be and not I demand it to be. I'm far from a bridezilla. 

    @MobKaz there are pictures of the venue on the site where they'll go to RSVP. If they can't figure it out from that, it's on them. There is no back up plan, but weather is usually beautiful in September in Oklahoma.

    @mesmrewe FH told me last night that his mom bought two dresses. He said it surprised even him. 
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    there are pictures of the venue on the site where they'll go to RSVP. If they can't figure it out from that, it's on them. There is no back up plan, but weather is usually beautiful in September in Oklahoma.


    In your OP you said "it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT" so the backup plan should be a concern.

    FWIW I had an outdoor wedding and we spread the word by mouth that it was outdoors and the ceremony was on grass so guests were aware. I think it is a nice courtesy since not everyone will go look through your site

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    kvruns said:
    show previous quotes


    In your OP you said "it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT" so the backup plan should be a concern.

    FWIW I had an outdoor wedding and we spread the word by mouth that it was outdoors and the ceremony was on grass so guests were aware. I think it is a nice courtesy since not everyone will go look through your site

    It can be hot, but we're used to it. They will be RSVPing through my wedding website and will have to scroll past the pictures of the venue.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    DrillSergeantCat said:
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    It can be hot, but we're used to it. They will be RSVPing through my wedding website and will have to scroll past the pictures of the venue.
    You need a back-up plan.  It's not okay to expect your guests to be uncomfortable because "we're used to it."



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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    Viczaesar said:
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    You need a back-up plan.  It's not okay to expect your guests to be uncomfortable because "we're used to it."
    Unfortunately, there's not one. I've rented an area and there's no other area unless I pay more money that I don't have. They'll have to suck it up for 30 minutes.
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:
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    Unfortunately, there's not one. I've rented an area and there's no other area unless I pay more money that I don't have. They'll have to suck it up for 30 minutes.
    Wow, this is so rude to your guests, you might as well put on your website "we don't care if you pass out from heatstroke we didn't want to pay money for you to be comfortable". What happens if it is raining? 
    image
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    DrillSergeantCat said:
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    Unfortunately, there's not one. I've rented an area and there's no other area unless I pay more money that I don't have. They'll have to suck it up for 30 minutes.



    k thnx bye

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

    All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

    All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 
    @DrillSergeantCat The TK Pearl Clutchers do not care what question you asked, if they foresee an etiquette mishap, they will pull it out of you and then proceed to tell you where you're going wrong. Regardless of what you actually asked. 'Just a head's up on that.

    That being said, you should really look at the "Plan to stand, or get wet" thread that was active recently in the 'Chit Chat' boards. It illustrates the general community response to forcing your guests to be uncomfortable for 30 minutes for the sake of the ceremony. There is a general rejection of the "know your people" concept on these boards, so you might have to take the Pearl Clutchers' advice with a sliding scale of importance.

    I guess you could just have the back-up ceremony plan be the train platform? Or is the reception site available?

    k thnx bye

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @Tyvm The train platform is too small and the venue allows either a ceremony at their gazebo or at their arbor. The reception is at a restaurant a few miles from the ceremony site and I can do the ceremony there as well, but I would then have to kick everyone out so they could set up the reception. The weather in September can be hot, but it's usually not. We don't typically get cold here until Halloween. The weather really shouldn't be an issue.
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    The reception is at a restaurant a few miles from the ceremony site and I can do the ceremony there as well, but I would then have to kick everyone out so they could set up the reception. 
    @DrillSergeantCat Alright, so, for future reference, I would pull this out as the back up plan. 'Will save you some headaches if anyone asks.

    k thnx bye

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @tyvm it's just far from ideal to do that and would be an absolute last resort. Although, I guess that's what a backup plan is. 
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  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2016
    So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.
    @flantastic I'm just endorsing a slightly gentler approach to talking to newbies. Allying a bit instead of attacking. And in this case it was successful. OP does indeed have a back-up plan, and she wasn't scared away from the boards.

    You're the ones using this avenger metaphor, not me. This name calling is, quite frankly, immature and I would expect better of people who claim to follow etiquette rules.

    You'll notice I compromised slightly and used the word "general" (i.e., hedging) and refer to the "TK pearl clutchers" instead of TK overall. Are there not pearl clutchers on TK? This phrase has been used elsewhere by other regulars on the board. How much hedging do I have to do to please you? What terminology must I use that will get your approval? Is there a special subset of words approved-for-use-by-TYVM? I would appreciate you forwarding that along.


    k thnx bye

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2016
    flantastic said:
    Excuse us for trying to keep her guests from grumbling about her ceremony and having all they remember of the wedding be how uncomfortable they were. When you plan an event, you should always have a plan for a reasonable scenario where guest comfort would be compromised. Or just don't bother to invite guests and you only have to worry about your own comfort. That's basic human decency 101. Sorry you disapprove.

    So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.
    You know...I went to a wedding last summer at a golf course. The ceremony was indoors and the reception was in the same room. We were all kicked out onto the deck in the middle of August. There was no room to sit down, there was barely room to move. Until this conversation came up, the only thing I remembered of their ceremony was that the bride looked lovely, the groom looked handsome, the couple looked happy, and the party was fun. I highly doubt that being subjected to 80 degree weather on a lake for 30 minutes is going to produce such negative responses from people that that's "all they remember." How dramatic.
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