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Moms and Maids
Knottie1465443312
member
Passed up as MOH
I was asked to be the MOH in my friend's wedding. Although we live in different states. She didn't have many friends where she lives. She took forever to decide what type of wedding she wanted (out of town/big/small). At one point she decided to even just have her parents as witnesses instead. No biggie to me! It's her wedding after all. After she decided on the type of wedding and date she asked if I could throw her a bachelorette party. Of course I said yes! She requested a girl's weekend at the nicest hotel in town which was a huge chunk of cash for me, on top of all of the desserts, decorations, favors, games, drinking and ubering. To say the least it was very hard financially to make that happen. As the wedding got closer there was no talk of me needing to buy MOH dresses/go to rehearsals etc...I figured she decided to not have a wedding party. I didn't want to pry because I didn't want to make her feel awkward if she decided not to have me be MOH. I also found that she quit talking to me about the wedding. I would ask her questions about flowers, or colors and would get no response! It was strange because before she was ever engaged we talked about wedding ideas like crazy! When I traveled to the wedding (it was out of town for me) She seemed to have chosen another girl to be MOH without even telling me! She basically ignored me the whole time I was in town hanging out with this other girl, stood me up one day for plans that SHE made with me for about 4 hours the whole time saying "I'll be there in about 30 minutes" on top of that she kept saying stuff in front of me about the other girl like "I can't think of anyone I would want by my side today more than you" it was SO WEIRD. Especially because she was still kind of acting like she was excited I was there at the same time (just doing a poor job of it). I went home and didn't say anything about it. My feelings were hurt but it's her decision and her wedding. I just wish she would have told me or at the very least be NICE to me while I was in town as I thought we were very good friends. My question is should I mention it or let it go? I'd like to be friends still, but maybe if she acts that way then she's not a good friend to keep anyway. How would you react? Would you try to mend the friendship or just forget about her. I'm at a point where I've let go of a lot of toxic people so maybe I need to let go of her too? I can't think of anything I did that would piss her off, but who knows. I just kind of feel like she used me and then was pretty rude.
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Re: Passed up as MOH
Personally, I'd end the relationship, you don't need people like that in your life.
I can understand why you didn't bring up the MOH thing. From what you posted, it seems like she was unsure of what she wanted bridal party-wise. Don't beat yourself up about it.
I've seen you become very active on these boards lately asking a lot of good questions. Stick around here! We're real people. The Knot site, Real Simple, those are all companies that stand to profit (particularly via advertising). So of course they want bridal parties to plan showers and bachelorettes, of course they want photographers to have exclusive rights to photographing weddings, yadda yadda yadda. Because they make money off The Industry and Bridal Complex.
Many of us already had our weddings, and we're definitely all guests at tons of other weddings, many of us have been bridesmaids and MOHs- sometimes several times over.
It all comes back to being a decent human being. As a BM and MOH, heck yeah I've offered to plan bachelorette parties. It's fun (if not sometimes kinda stressful!). But I did that because I love the bride, not because some company told me it was "my duty" to do it.
She was a coward, but it sounds like you had a few signs that she would be pulling this. A text/phone call/email saying "I'm excited to be your MOH, what would you like me to wear" may have buffered the sting. It could have also saved you some money by declining to host the hen do etc. For lurkers, It's not rude to talk to your friends to get clarity on a situation.
yes, she 100% was wrong and I'd drop her as a friend.
I don't think you were spineless in not confronting her- I think you were trying to be a good MOH and not put any pressure on the bride.
After what has happened though, I think you are totally justified in not speaking to her again!