Groomsmans girlfriend is a nightmare

ksulaski · June 2016

Hello all! Ive asked a few questions while wedding planning and as we get to the end (Cant believe its almost here!!!), I have another etiquette question I'd love some imput on. FI has a really good friend who is standing up as a groomsman, lets call him Bob. Bob has this girlfriend who literally doesnt get along with anyone. Both FI and I are very easy going people and get along with most everyone but this girl is something else. She has told both of us that she doesnt like us and does not like Bob hanging out with us so because of this, we havent seen much of Bob in the last year or so. Before meeting this GF, Bob was such an indepedent and successful guy so it is so strange and actually sad to see him this whipped by a girl. I'm even surprised that he was "allowed" to be in our wedding since she seems to control every inch of his life. Besides being rude and just a terrible person, she also causes such unnecessary drama anytime we used to go out with them. Bob called FI this week asking if he could bring the girlfriend. Obviously we extended him a plus 1 but really do not want him to bring the girlfriend. We also invited his parents and brother to the wedding so he will not be there alone and he will know most of the guests as well. Is it totally wrong to tell him he cannot bring this girl? Thanks ladies!

ShesSoCold · June 2016

ksulaski said:

Hello all! Ive asked a few questions while wedding planning and as we get to the end (Cant believe its almost here!!!), I have another etiquette question I'd love some imput on. FI has a really good friend who is standing up as a groomsman, lets call him Bob. Bob has this girlfriend who literally doesnt get along with anyone. Both FI and I are very easy going people and get along with most everyone but this girl is something else. She has told both of us that she doesnt like us and does not like Bob hanging out with us so because of this, we havent seen much of Bob in the last year or so. Before meeting this GF, Bob was such an indepedent and successful guy so it is so strange and actually sad to see him this whipped by a girl. I'm even surprised that he was "allowed" to be in our wedding since she seems to control every inch of his life. Besides being rude and just a terrible person, she also causes such unnecessary drama anytime we used to go out with them. Bob called FI this week asking if he could bring the girlfriend. Obviously we extended him a plus 1 but really do not want him to bring the girlfriend. We also invited his parents and brother to the wedding so he will not be there alone and he will know most of the guests as well. Is it totally wrong to tell him he cannot bring this girl? Thanks ladies!

Nope. You gotta invite her.

ETA: You should have invited her by name, not "and guest". You also need to seat her next to her boyfriend.

cupcait927 · June 2016

Bob gets to bring his GF, regardless of how terrible she is (and she certainly does sound like a peach). You can't tell him he can bring anyone but her. And really, if you do tell him that, it's just going to fuel her fire even more and make the relationship with her worse.

LondonLisa · June 2016

ksulaski said:

Hello all! Ive asked a few questions while wedding planning and as we get to the end (Cant believe its almost here!!!), I have another etiquette question I'd love some imput on. FI has a really good friend who is standing up as a groomsman, lets call him Bob. Bob has this girlfriend who literally doesnt get along with anyone. Both FI and I are very easy going people and get along with most everyone but this girl is something else. She has told both of us that she doesnt like us and does not like Bob hanging out with us so because of this, we havent seen much of Bob in the last year or so. Before meeting this GF, Bob was such an indepedent and successful guy so it is so strange and actually sad to see him this whipped by a girl. I'm even surprised that he was "allowed" to be in our wedding since she seems to control every inch of his life. Besides being rude and just a terrible person, she also causes such unnecessary drama anytime we used to go out with them. Bob called FI this week asking if he could bring the girlfriend. Obviously we extended him a plus 1 but really do not want him to bring the girlfriend. We also invited his parents and brother to the wedding so he will not be there alone and he will know most of the guests as well. Is it totally wrong to tell him he cannot bring this girl? Thanks ladies!

Absolutely not. You shouldn't give Bob a +1 (that is for truly single guests). Guests with a SO (Gf/BF/Partner/Spouse) must be invited by name.

They are a unit and must be invited together. You either invite both of them or none of them. Although if Bob wants to be in a relationship with someone as terrible as you say, maybe it is time to start reevaluating the friendship.

thisismynickname2 · June 2016

Etiquette rules aside, this is your time to be the bigger person. She may be a terrible person, but inviting her with Bob is a gracious thing to do.

In life, you can't control the things that happen around you, but you can control how you react. Continue being good hosts, treat her nicely, and her terribleness will only reflect on her own self.

banana468 · June 2016

You tell Bob that of course his GF is invited.

Of course you need to do this.

MandTFebruary62011 · June 2016

Yes. You have to invite her. Think about Bob. When and if he wises up to how this is not a good relationship for him, it still will reflect poorly on you if you say invite anyone but your partner. She won't affect you on your wedding day but leaving her out is likely to have long term effects on your relationship with Bob and your husband's relationship with Bob.

Jen4948 · June 2016

Unfortunately, she has to be invited.

Something you can do, though, is tell Bob how she's been treating you and let him know that you're concerned. And if she really crosses the line at your wedding, you can have security escort her out. But not to invite her at all would be very hurtful to Bob.

ksulaski · June 2016

Thank you ladies! I figured that we would need to invite her. Invitations havent been sent out so he was just asking as a precursor. Is it bad that I am secreting hoping she causes a scene (out of my sight of course) so Bob ( and everyone else) sees how truly vile she is!

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

ksulaski said:

Thank you ladies! I figured that we would need to invite her. Invitations havent been sent out so he was just asking as a precursor. Is it bad that I am secreting hoping she causes a scene (out of my sight of course) so Bob ( and everyone else) sees how truly vile she is!

Meh, kinda. Not bad so much as pointless.

It appears that you think her causing a scene will magically cause Bob to rethink his relationship with her. . . I hate to tell you, but I doubt it. If she truly is as controlling and confrontational as you claim she is, and Bob is still choosing to stay in a relationship with her, I'd bet he'd stand by her even if she caused a scene.

Because choose is the operative word here. Bob is not "whipped," he's not being forced into this relationship against his will- he's choosing to maintain it. Bob is the one choosing to hang out with you guys less, he's the one choosing to participate in any drama she causes.

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

"Whipped"? Is Bob not capable of making his own decision to stay with this woman? Has she forced him somehow? If she is so vile and Bob thinks this unspecified rude and terrible behaviour is an acceptable way to act within his social unit then what does that tell us about Bob?

charlotte989875 · June 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

ksulaski said:

Thank you ladies! I figured that we would need to invite her. Invitations havent been sent out so he was just asking as a precursor. Is it bad that I am secreting hoping she causes a scene (out of my sight of course) so Bob ( and everyone else) sees how truly vile she is!

Meh, kinda. Not bad so much as pointless.

It appears that you think her causing a scene will magically cause Bob to rethink his relationship with her. . . I hate to tell you, but I doubt it. If she truly is as controlling and confrontational as you claim she is, and Bob is still choosing to stay in a relationship with her, I'd bet he'd stand by her even if she caused a scene.

Because choose is the operative word here. Bob is not "whipped," he's not being forced into this relationship against his will- he's choosing to maintain it. Bob is the one choosing to hang out with you guys less, he's the one choosing to participate in any drama she causes.

glasgowtolondon said:

"Whipped"? Is Bob not capable of making his own decision to stay with this woman? Has she forced him somehow? If she is so vile and Bob thinks this unspecified rude and terrible behaviour is an acceptable way to act within his social unit then what does that tell us about Bob?

All of this. Bob is an adult man choosing to be with this woman, choosing to attend or not attend events, and making decisions about being in your wedding. Unless you think he is being abused by this woman or she is threatening his wellbeing, he is making his own life choices, which you may or may not agree with.

"Whipped" is is a pretty insulting way to talk about your friend and the woman he has decided to be in a relationship with.

downtondiva · June 2016

The only way it's okay is if you want to lose your friendship with Bob entirely. Let him bring the girlfriend. If she hates you guys so much that she won't come then that's her decision. But you need to be the bigger person.

AddieCake · June 2016

FWIW, our entire circle used to hate the girlfriend of one of my husband's best friends, and she hated us as well. It was no secret. She even caused drama more than once the weekend of our wedding and at the wedding itself (although that was kept pretty private and didn't cause anyone embarrassment.) Time has passed, she has matured and behaves differently, and now we all like her fairly well, and she likes us. So who knows? She may not be a PITA forever.

OliveOilsMom · June 2016

Show Bob that you don't dislike his GF. Show him that it is the GFs fault for not seeing him as often over the last year. Invite her by name on the invitation. When she shows up at the RD (all SOs must also be invited to the RD), greet her graciously. When you do table rounds at the reception, go up to her and say how happy you are to see her and that its so nice of her to come to your wedding. That way, if she tries to bitch about how she's been treated, she will have no basis in her accusation.

Groomsmans girlfriend is a nightmare

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