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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ScottishSarah
member
Etiquette on Readings
Hi ladies, quick question...
A family members SO offered to do a reading at our wedding. She ends up doing these at every wedding she attends as she enjoys them.
FI was offended and thought that she was trying to take over our ceremony. I agreed with him, so we told her we were not doing any readings at all. This was to avoid an uncomfortable situation where she might feel snubbed if someone else did one but we had turned down her offer.
What is the etiquette on readings? Are you meant to wait till you're asked, or are you meant to offer.
Is it the same for toasts?
Just curious really. TIA xx
If possible could you please not quote the above just in case I find out later she is on here!
A family members SO offered to do a reading at our wedding. She ends up doing these at every wedding she attends as she enjoys them.
FI was offended and thought that she was trying to take over our ceremony. I agreed with him, so we told her we were not doing any readings at all. This was to avoid an uncomfortable situation where she might feel snubbed if someone else did one but we had turned down her offer.
What is the etiquette on readings? Are you meant to wait till you're asked, or are you meant to offer.
Is it the same for toasts?
Just curious really. TIA xx
If possible could you please not quote the above just in case I find out later she is on here!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Etiquette on Readings
I actually think toasts are a gray area, because of tradition. Traditionally, a father of a bride and a best man are assumed to be making toasts as part of their roles. In these more modern days, often an MOH does too. So I can see the couple asking these folks if they want to give a toast. But someone who doesn't have that kind of role, I wouldn't ask them to give a toast and would simply accept any offers or not have toasts at all.
It's AWish at best (esp since she's an SO and not someone you're close to), and awkward at worst - especially if she's the type to make a big deal about "no."
Plus my FI said he would prefer that if there were any readings that we read to each other.
As far as toasts go, I agree @thisismynickname in that it's a grey area. In the UK there is a tradition that the toasts are given by the FOB, the groom and the best man. Therefore if you are in this role it is expected that you will toast. I haven't specifically asked my father and the best man but they have already told me about their toast.
Any other toasts I would expect to ask the person, not for them to offer, but I do see American websites saying it should be the other way round.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be offended if someone offered, but I also wouldn't feel bad about saying no.
We asked my SIL if she would do a reading.
Maybe offended is the wrong word?
She basically has issues with turning every event all about her and FI doesn't want that during our ceremony.
At my sisters wedding she insisted on doing a reading, then started being a total diva in hair and make up. It was so bad it was commented on to me later by the hairdresser and photographer, who couldn't believe someone who wasn't even a bridesmaid was making such a fuss.