Tipping vendors?

Re: Tipping vendors?

• JediElizabeth member

  

  June 2016

  thatgirl2 said:

  My vendors are different (family friends, etc) and I have no clue how to tip them.
  
  - Caterer is a friend (who is a retired professional caterer). We're paying the same I would have paid a catering company, but it'll probably be better food. She getting paid per hour of work plus food/labor costs for preparing. Planning to give her a gift bag (wine, a candle, etc.). Should I also toss in $25? or $50?
  
  - General Assistant: We have a friend who will DD anyone needed at the end of the night (less than 10 min round trip and expecting only 1 trip). He'll help clean up, etc. Planning to tip him $50-100 depending on how much he has to do.
  
  - Photographer and Assistant. The photographer is a friend of the family. She's getting to stay with one of her friend's for the weekend and invited to enjoy the reception after photos are done (as she knows guests). I'm paying full price, but I read I should tip her assistant, but not her since she's head photographer and self employed. I feel odd tipping the asst and not her. I thought of tipping her $75, asst $50 and getting them both a bottle of wine.
  
  - Hair: another family friend. She used to do hair. I planned to get her a gift bag of goodies. Make up is DIY.
  
  Thanks!
  
  

  I don't know about the others, but I'm curious about the assistant. Did he offer to be your DD all night, or did you ask?
  
  I think this is something people can handle on their own, using Uber or a taxi service for example. Or, if you want to provide it, you should engage a taxi service or shuttle for the evening - someone with proper insurance to be paid to drive people around. Don't ask a guest to be sober all evening while everyone else drinks, then ask them to work on top of that. 
  

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• SP29 member

  

  June 2016

  I would tip for all services, as a percentage of whatever you are comfortable with (15%? 18%?).
  
  While I realize a lot of these people are family friends and I think it's fine to give more a personal gift to say Thank You, but I would still tip them in cash for the service they are providing. They are friends yes, but they are still vendors. I would not give someone you don't know personally a physical gift instead of money. I would liken that to tipping your waitress at a restaurant with a bottle of wine.
  
  I understand the rule about not tipping someone who owns their own business, but I still don't fully "get it". I think tips should be given because you are impressed with the service offered, so I would tip your photographer. Tip the assistant for the day of work, but do not tip the photographer until you have received your photos in full.
  
  

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• thatgirl2 member

  

  June 2016 edited June 2016

  Interesting. I hadn't thought about not tipping the photographer until after getting the photos. I've always read to tip day of the wedding.
  
  I did more research and continue to see, $100-200 for main photographer and $50-75 for asst.  I think I'll just ignore this "don't tip the owner" thing. I don't feel like I agree with it. The article said you wouldn't tip the "beauty-shop owner who does your hair," but I always tip my hair girl. I'd never consider not tipping her. Similarly, it's hard to agree with 15%+ for the caterer. That's like $400. The tip chart I read is insane. When I added up the tips day of for a traditional wedding, it's close to $2000.
  
  As for the assistant/DD person, they weren't even invited. We offered to pay him for helping for the night. I wanted to tip him since I appreciate the help. And, the hair girl- I asked if she'd do my hair as my wedding gift. For her, I feel confident giving her a gift as a thank you is fine. The assistant, I'll feel it out day of. The photographer, I'll go by the assumption that she's not self employed and tip her. I just have to figure out the caterer now. Similarly, I think I'll feel it out day of.
  
  
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  June 2016

  thatgirl2 said:

  Interesting. I hadn't thought about not tipping the photographer until after getting the photos. I've always read to tip day of the wedding.
  
  I did more research and continue to see, $100-200 for main photographer and $50-75 for asst.  I think I'll just ignore this "don't tip the owner" thing. I don't feel like I agree with it. The article said you wouldn't tip the "beauty-shop owner who does your hair," but I always tip my hair girl. I'd never consider not tipping her. Similarly, it's hard to agree with 15%+ for the caterer. That's like $400. The tip chart I read is insane. When I added up the tips day of for a traditional wedding, it's close to $2000.
  
  As for the assistant/DD person, they weren't even invited. We offered to pay him for helping for the night. I wanted to tip him since I appreciate the help. And, the hair girl- I asked if she'd do my hair as my wedding gift. For her, I feel confident giving her a gift as a thank you is fine. The assistant, I'll feel it out day of. The photographer, I'll go by the assumption that she's not self employed and tip her. I just have to figure out the caterer now. Similarly, I think I'll feel it out day of.
  
  
  

  I don't know how your contract is for the catering, but DD's included waitstaff and bartenders. We tipped $1000 dollars to the caterer (plus an additional amount to the catering coordinator) because that was split amongst servers. If that is how yours in worded, $400 isn't much depending on how many servers you have.

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• SP29 member

  

  June 2016

  Our venue, which included food + servers, included an 18% gratuity on top of our price per person cost. Sure, we didn't "see" the 18% per se (we didn't pay a lump sum in cash at the end of the night), but we paid 18% tip.
  
  You should tip your vendors upon completion of service (you don't really know if they've done a great job until it's done, right?). Our DJ we tipped at the end of the night. Venue/staff/caterer was already taken care of as part of our deposits. Tipped our baker when we returned the cupcake stand. We did not tip our photographer- and it was a good thing we didn't do it the night of!
  
  As for the photographer, wait until you get the photos so that you a) actually get the photos and b) are happy with the product you get (for example, if you want additional editing, or if you ordered a photo book or print). We had a contract that stated we were to receive completed product within 12 weeks of the wedding, after having received access to an online gallery. We did not receive a USB with files until 7 months after the wedding, at which point we had sent a registered letter stating we would take legal action. And even then, there were photos from the 2nd shooter missing that it took until the 10th month to receive. Definitely NO tip!
  

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• Iamnowmrsjms member

  

  June 2016

  thatgirl2 said:

  Interesting. I hadn't thought about not tipping the photographer until after getting the photos. I've always read to tip day of the wedding.
  
  I did more research and continue to see, $100-200 for main photographer and $50-75 for asst.  I think I'll just ignore this "don't tip the owner" thing. I don't feel like I agree with it. The article said you wouldn't tip the "beauty-shop owner who does your hair," but I always tip my hair girl. I'd never consider not tipping her. Similarly, it's hard to agree with 15%+ for the caterer. That's like $400. The tip chart I read is insane. When I added up the tips day of for a traditional wedding, it's close to $2000.
  
  As for the assistant/DD person, they weren't even invited. We offered to pay him for helping for the night. I wanted to tip him since I appreciate the help. And, the hair girl- I asked if she'd do my hair as my wedding gift. For her, I feel confident giving her a gift as a thank you is fine. The assistant, I'll feel it out day of. The photographer, I'll go by the assumption that she's not self employed and tip her. I just have to figure out the caterer now. Similarly, I think I'll feel it out day of.
  
  
  

  To the  bolded-incredibly tacky to ASK someone for a wedding gift! Just, no.
  

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• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  June 2016

  Iamnowmrsjms said:

  To the  bolded-incredibly tacky to ASK someone for a wedding gift! Just, no.
  

  I'm glad somebody said that. I keep referring people to my hair girl and hoping that she'll give me a discount since she's made so much money off of me, but she doesn't offer and I'm not rude enough to ask. 

  

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• LtPowers member

  

  June 2016

  It's considered rude to tip a business owner who sets her own prices. Doing so implies that she is incapable of setting an appropriate compensation level for her services.
  
  Miss Manners writes:
  

  Those of us who actually know etiquette can tell you authoritatively that is it improper to tip the owner of a business. Tipping is done to supplement the inadequate wages of service employees, and should be considered insulting by entrepreneurs.

  However, Miss Manners is given to understand there are entrepreneurs who do not mind being insulted when it comes to money. She finds that regrettable.

  
  

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  June 2016

  LtPowers said:

  It's considered rude to tip a business owner who sets her own prices. Doing so implies that she is incapable of setting an appropriate compensation level for her services.
  
  Miss Manners writes:
  

  Those of us who actually know etiquette can tell you authoritatively that is it improper to tip the owner of a business. Tipping is done to supplement the inadequate wages of service employees, and should be considered insulting by entrepreneurs.

  However, Miss Manners is given to understand there are entrepreneurs who do not mind being insulted when it comes to money. She finds that regrettable.

  
  

  I never knew the logic behind that. The more you know.

  

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• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  June 2016

  LtPowers said:

  It's considered rude to tip a business owner who sets her own prices. Doing so implies that she is incapable of setting an appropriate compensation level for her services.
  
  Miss Manners writes:
  

  Those of us who actually know etiquette can tell you authoritatively that is it improper to tip the owner of a business. Tipping is done to supplement the inadequate wages of service employees, and should be considered insulting by entrepreneurs.

  However, Miss Manners is given to understand there are entrepreneurs who do not mind being insulted when it comes to money. She finds that regrettable.

  
  

  My hairstylist works for herself and pays booth rent. Is it still considered rude to tip?

  

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• LtPowers member

  

  June 2016

  DrillSergeantCat said:
  
  

  My hairstylist works for herself and pays booth rent. Is it still considered rude to tip?

  I'm not aware of an authoritative answer. My inclination would be that if she sets her own rates, there's no need to tip her; if her rates are set by the owner of the salon, then you should. But that's just my unprofessional guess.
  
  As well, when it comes to hairdressing, there is a very strong cultural bias toward tipping, even salon owners. It's just one of those things that's always done, so people do it without thinking about who owns and runs what. So many service providers (hairstylists included) are used to being tipped, etiquette rules aside. So take that under advisement. It's cold comfort being correct on the etiquette if the result is to annoy or offend your hairstylist.
  
  
  

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• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  June 2016

  LtPowers said:

  DrillSergeantCat said:
  
  

  My hairstylist works for herself and pays booth rent. Is it still considered rude to tip?

  I'm not aware of an authoritative answer. My inclination would be that if she sets her own rates, there's no need to tip her; if her rates are set by the owner of the salon, then you should. But that's just my unprofessional guess.
  
  As well, when it comes to hairdressing, there is a very strong cultural bias toward tipping, even salon owners. It's just one of those things that's always done, so people do it without thinking about who owns and runs what. So many service providers (hairstylists included) are used to being tipped, etiquette rules aside. So take that under advisement. It's cold comfort being correct on the etiquette if the result is to annoy or offend your hairstylist.
  
  
  

  Good point. My hairstylist was a friend before she started hair school. It's pretty common here that the stylists pay booth rent and set their own prices.

  

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