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Wedding Etiquette Forum
thatgirl2
member
Tipping vendors?
My vendors are different (family friends, etc) and I have no clue how to tip them.
- Caterer is a friend (who is a retired professional caterer). We're paying the same I would have paid a catering company, but it'll probably be better food. She getting paid per hour of work plus food/labor costs for preparing. Planning to give her a gift bag (wine, a candle, etc.). Should I also toss in $25? or $50?
- General Assistant: We have a friend who will DD anyone needed at the end of the night (less than 10 min round trip and expecting only 1 trip). He'll help clean up, etc. Planning to tip him $50-100 depending on how much he has to do.
- Photographer and Assistant. The photographer is a friend of the family. She's getting to stay with one of her friend's for the weekend and invited to enjoy the reception after photos are done (as she knows guests). I'm paying full price, but I read I should tip her assistant, but not her since she's head photographer and self employed. I feel odd tipping the asst and not her. I thought of tipping her $75, asst $50 and getting them both a bottle of wine.
- Hair: another family friend. She used to do hair. I planned to get her a gift bag of goodies. Make up is DIY.
Thanks!
- Caterer is a friend (who is a retired professional caterer). We're paying the same I would have paid a catering company, but it'll probably be better food. She getting paid per hour of work plus food/labor costs for preparing. Planning to give her a gift bag (wine, a candle, etc.). Should I also toss in $25? or $50?
- General Assistant: We have a friend who will DD anyone needed at the end of the night (less than 10 min round trip and expecting only 1 trip). He'll help clean up, etc. Planning to tip him $50-100 depending on how much he has to do.
- Photographer and Assistant. The photographer is a friend of the family. She's getting to stay with one of her friend's for the weekend and invited to enjoy the reception after photos are done (as she knows guests). I'm paying full price, but I read I should tip her assistant, but not her since she's head photographer and self employed. I feel odd tipping the asst and not her. I thought of tipping her $75, asst $50 and getting them both a bottle of wine.
- Hair: another family friend. She used to do hair. I planned to get her a gift bag of goodies. Make up is DIY.
Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tipping vendors?
I think this is something people can handle on their own, using Uber or a taxi service for example. Or, if you want to provide it, you should engage a taxi service or shuttle for the evening - someone with proper insurance to be paid to drive people around. Don't ask a guest to be sober all evening while everyone else drinks, then ask them to work on top of that.
While I realize a lot of these people are family friends and I think it's fine to give more a personal gift to say Thank You, but I would still tip them in cash for the service they are providing. They are friends yes, but they are still vendors. I would not give someone you don't know personally a physical gift instead of money. I would liken that to tipping your waitress at a restaurant with a bottle of wine.
I understand the rule about not tipping someone who owns their own business, but I still don't fully "get it". I think tips should be given because you are impressed with the service offered, so I would tip your photographer. Tip the assistant for the day of work, but do not tip the photographer until you have received your photos in full.
I did more research and continue to see, $100-200 for main photographer and $50-75 for asst. I think I'll just ignore this "don't tip the owner" thing. I don't feel like I agree with it. The article said you wouldn't tip the "beauty-shop owner who does your hair," but I always tip my hair girl. I'd never consider not tipping her. Similarly, it's hard to agree with 15%+ for the caterer. That's like $400. The tip chart I read is insane. When I added up the tips day of for a traditional wedding, it's close to $2000.
As for the assistant/DD person, they weren't even invited. We offered to pay him for helping for the night. I wanted to tip him since I appreciate the help. And, the hair girl- I asked if she'd do my hair as my wedding gift. For her, I feel confident giving her a gift as a thank you is fine. The assistant, I'll feel it out day of. The photographer, I'll go by the assumption that she's not self employed and tip her. I just have to figure out the caterer now. Similarly, I think I'll feel it out day of.
You should tip your vendors upon completion of service (you don't really know if they've done a great job until it's done, right?). Our DJ we tipped at the end of the night. Venue/staff/caterer was already taken care of as part of our deposits. Tipped our baker when we returned the cupcake stand. We did not tip our photographer- and it was a good thing we didn't do it the night of!
As for the photographer, wait until you get the photos so that you a) actually get the photos and b) are happy with the product you get (for example, if you want additional editing, or if you ordered a photo book or print). We had a contract that stated we were to receive completed product within 12 weeks of the wedding, after having received access to an online gallery. We did not receive a USB with files until 7 months after the wedding, at which point we had sent a registered letter stating we would take legal action. And even then, there were photos from the 2nd shooter missing that it took until the 10th month to receive. Definitely NO tip!
Miss Manners writes:
As well, when it comes to hairdressing, there is a very strong cultural bias toward tipping, even salon owners. It's just one of those things that's always done, so people do it without thinking about who owns and runs what. So many service providers (hairstylists included) are used to being tipped, etiquette rules aside. So take that under advisement. It's cold comfort being correct on the etiquette if the result is to annoy or offend your hairstylist.