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Sorry, you lost me at charity donations being rude. If that's rude to you then I'd be happy if you declined an invite to my wedding. More room for others!
What part of your presence is our present is confusing to you? This means you don't need to get a gift. Period. This is most certainly NOT "publicizing your expectation of gifts from your guest"- as a matter of fact it is the opposite. Literally, the opposite. The charity is merely a suggestion, and never mentioned it had to be in my name.
"What we really want is all of our friends and family together for our
big day, your presence is our present! For the traditional gift-giver, a
contribution to your favorite charity in our honor is a wonderful way
to commemorate our special day"- this is not bossy. Or rude. I literally own a business that specializes in gifts and home interiors. I'm fairly certain people know where to buy me gifts from if they want to.
What do you say to someone in a situation like that?
Out of curiosity for those who think B lists are extremely rude- what
would you do if you were in my spot? We are getting married where we
live, because we love it here and luckily it is as central as it can be
between the two families. Bottom line- it was gonna be far trip for
people no matter what (one side or the other), so we chose the middle. So here's the
predicament, people are more likely to say NO to a wedding that is far
away- I get it, more travel time & more expensive. We knew our NOs would likely be higher than
average- yet it seemed irresponsible to over-invite. We chose a venue
that was a comfortable size for us. Now let's just 40% of people say NO
(which is what its looking like)- you suggest we just leave the venue
partially empty? Again, no matter what it would be a far distance for people so the NO factor would be relevant regardless of location. And please don't say a bigger venue, because we are happy with the size.
I'm curious your reasoning for having a b-list. I've seen someone say that they had to have a minimum number of guests, but I would think if you had to have 100 and only 95 showed, then you'd just pay for 100 so it's still not necessary. I could absolutely be wrong about that, though. But, what's your reason?
Not charity donations to us, to a charity of their choice. If this is rude then I'm wasting my time here because that is ridiculous.
Yes, yes, she is aware that a vast number of people presume that their weddings (and graduations and birthdays and holidays) are license to order what they want from their relatives and friends. She also acknowledges that those who direct others to charitable donations instead are not exhibiting personal greed.
Yet even by making it “optional” (all such giving is optional, as there is no way to force collection), they are still presuming others’ resources are theirs to direct. Miss Manners is weary of trying to make people understand that this is not a thoughtful or noble approach to take.
I've been to a 'destination' wedding in the US where the majority of the guests were coming from OOT. The bride and groom were expecting a huge amount of people to decline .... which did not happen. The venue was overrun with guests and you could clearly tell that alternate arrangements had to be dealt with as some people were sitting outside in a tent away from the rest of the guests. FI and I were in that tent and it sucked. I wanted to spend my time interacting with the bride and groom and other guests and we ended up missing most of the action as we had to continue to come into the main part of the venue to see everything. It wasn't a complete waste of our time but I'm not sure that would be how I would spend a few grand again.
We don't want any gifts at our wedding and instead of telling guests how to do things, we are leaving it up to them. If someone asks where we are registered, we are letting them know that we aren't and we really don't need anything at all. One of our guests let us know that she would like to donate the money she would have spent on a gift to charity and asked if we supported anything in particular. At that moment, I felt comfortable offering up a few ideas ... but only because she asked.
40% is a lot when you are talking about a relatively small wedding. Let's say hypothetically it goes from 100 to 60- I'm saying I would want to fill those 40 spots if I could. The difference is big.
We aren't registered and are asking for charity donations instead of
gifts. No one in my life is a prop- why would anyone say that? This
entire thread makes me sad. I want to have a wedding surrounded by people I love. If some
people can't come, I'd like to add more people I love, it's really