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Etiquette

Help...kids at wedding...with a big twist

2

Re: Help...kids at wedding...with a big twist

  • I can see that as a parent, I may want people to keep it down earlier so the kid can sleep and that's not a fair expectation.   Ditto for TV or other activities.     But this is largely dependent on the child.   

    I find it hard to believe that so many people will sleep well together in one house.    It's not impossible but with some guests as complete strangers, it's not as likely.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Has the GM said he planned to stay in the house? He may have plans to get a hotel since he is bringing his daughter anyway. I would let him know there will be a party atmosphere. If after that he still wants to stay at the house I would just suck it up.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wouldn't want a child there, either. 

    I agree it's weird OP and her fiance would think the groom would attend w/o his wife. 

    OP, your fiance just needs to call him up and tell him you guys prefer no kids there b/c it will change the atmosphere. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLostmollybarker11
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I can agree with not wanting a child there. I also agree that your FI is missing from this discussion.

    Your FI is the one who needs to explain to the GM that the event is adults-only and that you won't be able to accommodate his kid.

    But do not put anything on your invitation about the wedding being adults-only. It's never polite to indicate on an invitation who isn't invited.
    InLoveInQueensSP29PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Is the "big twist" that the 7 year old kid sees dead people? 
    It's that the groom is actually dead. 
    Greenjinjo PrettyGirlLostwrigleyville
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We rented a house for my wedding weekend.   18 people shared the house of which 7 of them were between 6-13 years old.  These were the only kids at the wedding.   The house was also pretty much an open house all weekend. 

    Maybe it's my family/social group because kids never really changed the atmosphere too much.  I mean we might watch our language somewhat (but curse words did fly out from time-to-time), but we still drink, laughed  and told funny stories, sometimes with adult content.  Sometimes one (or more) of us drinks a little too much.    NBD.    We are not the strip down naked and have orgies type-of people anyway.



    That said, if you do not want the child at the house that's cool. Especially just one kid.  They would most likely be bored and the parent will need to entertain them.  In my situation the kids entertained themselves.       Just address the issue head on.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    We rented a house for my wedding weekend.   18 people shared the house of which 7 of them were between 6-13 years old.  These were the only kids at the wedding.   The house was also pretty much an open house all weekend. 

    Maybe it's my family/social group because kids never really changed the atmosphere too much.  I mean we might watch our language somewhat (but curse words did fly out from time-to-time), but we still drink, laughed  and told funny stories, sometimes with adult content.  Sometimes one (or more) of us drinks a little too much.    NBD.    We are not the strip down naked and have orgies type-of people anyway.



    That said, if you do not want the child at the house that's cool. Especially just one kid.  They would most likely be bored and the parent will need to entertain them.  In my situation the kids entertained themselves.       Just address the issue head on.
    I think in your situation it may have worked better because there was more than one child.   Then there's a group of them to entertain each other.  It can be harder on the bored lone 7 yo.

    But I still don't understand why the groom thought that the GM would attend alone.   
    A lot of this smacks of making a lot of assumptions and poor communication.   Groom needs to just tell the GM that the house is for adults only and he can recommend local hotels if they want to make it a family affair for the weekend but the wedding is adults only.


    SP29PrettyGirlLostmollybarker11
  • Is the "big twist" that the 7 year old kid sees dead people? 
    It's that the groom is actually dead. 
    Seriously??? "The groom is dead" is your comment?? WTF is wrong with you???

  • I let several of our WP and a few close friends crash at our place before and after the wedding. We didn't have any orgies or nudity or anything, but I agree it might have been awkward to have a kid around and understand not wanting that. 

    That being said, I think if I were you, I'd do the following:

    (1) Discuss with FI whether you are willing to allow GM's child at the reception (sounds like you might be okay with that, just not the kid staying at the house, which makes sense).

    (2) Remind your FI that you are going to be his wife, not his secretary. Make him call GM and explain that this is a "no kids" wedding (and while you might be willing to accommodate at the reception, you feel it may not be appropriate for the child to stay at the house). GM isn't your old buddy, so it shouldn't be your PR job to smooth things over with him. It's your FI's. 

    (3) If GM did not have any plans to stay elsewhere with his wife and child, and is concerned about where he will stay, you have two options: (a) offer to put them up somewhere else if it bothers your FI a lot that his friend might not make it otherwise, or (b) accept that GM may not be able to make it or be able to participate much if he does -- but it's really up to GM, not you. Both are fine solutions and totally proper. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    ILoveBeachMusicSP29PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2016
    Viczaesar said:
    Is the "big twist" that the 7 year old kid sees dead people? 
    It's that the groom is actually dead. 
    Seriously??? "The groom is dead" is your comment?? WTF is wrong with you???

    Clearly that is a continuation of the Sixth Sense-referencing joke.
    OMFG, spoiler alert!!!

    The only twist in this tale is the OP'S panties.

    I get it, having a single child in a house full of partying adults would be oddifficult.  But all the assumptions you and FI made and your lack of communication with each other and your guests is even more odd.

    Your *FI* needs to call his GM yesterday and let find out where the GM intends to stay.  Then he needs to let GM know that the house and wedding are adults onlyou.  He may think there's going to be a pile of kids around that weekend for his to play with.

    Then you both have to decide if you're willing to accommodate this child if GM intended to stay at the house.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    glasgowtolondonSP29
  • I wouldn't want a child in the house either, even if I did know them. I get what you are trying to plan for the weekend - fun adult conversations, hanging out, drinking, not a care in the world (minus the wedding, of course! lol) and just enjoying your time with friends. A child in the house would change the dynamics, so I totally understand your hesitation.

    Like others have said, you need to get you FI to contact the GM right away. Since you didn't say something as soon as the GM mentioned it (don't know the guy, kind of shocked, I get it), then he may assume (to add to the list of assumptions going around) that you were okay with it and book whatever he needs to. If he has booked already and you didn't say anything right away, then I think you need to suck it up and allow the kid in the house. The GM may be budgeting for the three of them and has already assumed that accomodations are taken care of and will not budget for that. I think you'd regret, or at the very least your FI would regret it if the GM can't come because of this, so you definitely need to be prepared for that.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:
    scribe95 said:
    Just out of curiosity - does anyone think the groomsman was out of line to assume his family - including child - was invited to the out-of-town wedding? I don't really. I think it's a fair assumption unless the wedding couple proactively says something different. 
    Assuming his kid was invited? Yes, that was bit presumptuous. But assuming his wife was also invited? No, that's not out-of-line.
    Agreed.
    STARMOON44tigerlily6
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    Just out of curiosity - does anyone think the groomsman was out of line to assume his family - including child - was invited to the out-of-town wedding? I don't really. I think it's a fair assumption unless the wedding couple proactively says something different. 
    Considering invitations hadn't gone out, no I don't think it is presumptuous -especially since it is very OOT for GM's family.
    PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238
  • scribe95 said:
    Just out of curiosity - does anyone think the groomsman was out of line to assume his family - including child - was invited to the out-of-town wedding? I don't really. I think it's a fair assumption unless the wedding couple proactively says something different. 

    scribe95 said:
    Just out of curiosity - does anyone think the groomsman was out of line to assume his family - including child - was invited to the out-of-town wedding? I don't really. I think it's a fair assumption unless the wedding couple proactively says something different. 
    I don't know why I'm quoting you twice but I agree.   If things aren't clarified it's understandable.   


  • edited July 2016
    Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

    ***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

    I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

    ***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

    I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

    ***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

    Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

    Mic Drop.

    P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

    Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.


  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

    ***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

    I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

    ***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

    I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

    ***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

    Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

    Mic Drop.

    P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

    Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.



    JIC.



    ThisShamanluvsaMage
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