Incorporating daughter in ceremony

Knottie8502655 · July 2016

Hi everyone! I'm getting married next June (2017) and my fiancé and I want to incorporate our daughter into the ceremony. I'd love some ideas on some vows we could say to her. Something along the lines of "We vow to work together to provide and support her", etc. Any advice is appreciated!

holyguacamole79 · July 2016

Knottie8502655 said:

Hi everyone! I'm getting married next June (2017) and my fiancé and I want to incorporate our daughter into the ceremony. I'd love some ideas on some vows we could say to her. Something along the lines of "We vow to work together to provide and support her", etc. Any advice is appreciated!

Congrats! How old is your daughter? She can easily be a flower girl or bridesmaid. Regarding vows, it's not really a great idea to include her in them as the wedding is of you and your (soon to be) husband.

geebee908 · July 2016

What kind of vows could you make that aren't inherent in being a good parent? You're required by law to provide for her. If you love her, you'll support her and keep her best interests at heart. Your wedding is about the two of you uniting as one and it's best to keep that the focus of the ceremony.

You're already a family unit if the two of you are her parents. If one of you is not her parent, then it's best not to do anything that might seem like it diminishes her relationship with the other parent.

Jen4948 · July 2016

If your daughter is 3 or older, she can be a flower girl or bridesmaid - if she wants to be in the ceremony. If she doesn't, respect her wishes and don't force her to participate.

If she's younger than 3, then I think she'll be too young for anything other than being in photos.

But she should not be part of any vow exchange or have a speaking part.

AddieCake · July 2016

It's very strange to say vows to or about a child during a wedding ceremony. It's not an adoption ceremony. Aren't you already working together to support her, with or without getting married?

downtondiva · July 2016

Your daughter can be a flower girl or bridesmaid depending on her age. That said, if for any reason she'd prefer not to participate in the ceremony, respect her wishes and don't force her.

There should not be any vows regarding your daughter. Obviously she is a huge part of your lives, but your wedding is about your commitment to each other, not about your parenting.

CMGragain · August 2016

It is NOT appropriate to say vows to your child during your wedding ceremony. Please do not do this. Your wedding unites you and your fiance. It is not about your daughter.
Since your daughter is already part of your family, no vows are appropriate or necessary. Her status does not change.
I am so glad my mother didn't make me say vows to her ex-husband! (The man who promised that he was going to be my "new Daddy"!)

MobKaz · August 2016

Knottie8502655 said:

Hi everyone! I'm getting married next June (2017) and my fiancé and I want to incorporate our daughter into the ceremony. I'd love some ideas on some vows we could say to her. Something along the lines of "We vow to work together to provide and support her", etc. Any advice is appreciated!

Congratulations. As others have pointed out, your ceremony is to unite you and your FI as a wedded couple. It is not intended to incorporate children. However, if you are having a religious ceremony and any type of intentions are said, you could include one that prays for guidance as you continue to parent your daughter.

There are many ways you can incorporate her during the reception. You can serve a favorite food of hers. You can have a dance with her.

levioosa · August 2016

Your ceremony is intended to unite you and your FI. Your child does not have a say in the matter and does not have the ability to consent. This is not appropriate for a wedding ceremony. Incorporate her as your flower girl or bridesmaid.

SP29 · August 2016

Keep this personal. She can be part of the WP or have a corsage. Take a family photo. Or one or both of you could present her with a special gift (in a private moment) prior to the ceremony.

DrillSergeantCat · August 2016

You're not marrying your daughter. It sounds like she is your and FI's daughter together so what vows do you want to say to her that is beyond the scope of normal parenting? Even if she was a stepchild to one of you, you're still not marrying her. If she was a stepchild then I could see it being part of your vows to her parent that you will treat her as your own, but do not make vows to your daughter.

sparklepants41 · August 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

You're not marrying your daughter. It sounds like she is your and FI's daughter together so what vows do you want to say to her that is beyond the scope of normal parenting? Even if she was a stepchild to one of you, you're still not marrying her. If she was a stepchild then I could see it being part of your vows to her parent that you will treat her as your own, but do not make vows to your daughter.

^^This.

southernbelle0915 · August 2016

I think there are lots of appropriate ways to incorporate your daughter:

- flower girl

- bridesmaid

- reader

If she's not old enough to do any of these things, you could get her a cute dress, make sure you take lots of photos with her, have a grandparent or trusted friend/family member carry her down the aisle with them as part of the processional, seat her in the front row with them, etc. You could even give her a gift privately before or after the ceremony if you want to.

I agree with others - it's really not appropriate to make her part of the wedding ceremony. The two of you can make promises to each other "to work together to provide for your family" etc. but it's very odd to have a child be part of your marriage vows. Just remember that she doesn't have any say in you two getting married, in what you do in your relationship, or the decisions you make as adults, so it's not really fair to have her participate in your vows.

Incorporating daughter in ceremony

Re: Incorporating daughter in ceremony

Choose Another Board

Search Boards