Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Incorporating daughter in ceremony

Hi everyone! I'm getting married next June (2017) and my fiancé and I want to incorporate our daughter into the ceremony. I'd love some ideas on some vows we could say to her. Something along the lines of "We vow to work together to provide and support her", etc. Any advice is appreciated!

Re: Incorporating daughter in ceremony

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your daughter is 3 or older, she can be a flower girl or bridesmaid - if she wants to be in the ceremony. If she doesn't, respect her wishes and don't force her to participate.

    If she's younger than 3, then I think she'll be too young for anything other than being in photos.

    But she should not be part of any vow exchange or have a speaking part.
    CMGragainDrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    It is NOT appropriate to say vows to your child during your wedding ceremony.  Please do not do this.  Your wedding unites you and your fiance.  It is not about your daughter. 
    Since your daughter is already part of your family, no vows are appropriate or necessary.  Her status does not change.
    I am so glad my mother didn't make me say vows to her ex-husband!  (The man who promised that he was going to be my "new Daddy"!)
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    DrillSergeantCatSP29
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your ceremony is intended to unite you and your FI.  Your child does not have a say in the matter and does not have the ability to consent.  This is not appropriate for a wedding ceremony.  Incorporate her as your flower girl or bridesmaid.  


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    DrillSergeantCat
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Keep this personal. She can be part of the WP or have a corsage. Take a family photo. Or one or both of you could present her with a special gift (in a private moment) prior to the ceremony.
    DrillSergeantCat
  • You're not marrying your daughter. It sounds like she is your and FI's daughter together so what vows do you want to say to her that is beyond the scope of normal parenting? Even if she was a stepchild to one of you, you're still not marrying her. If she was a stepchild then I could see it being part of your vows to her parent that you will treat her as your own, but do not make vows to your daughter. 
    ^^This. 
  • I think there are lots of appropriate ways to incorporate your daughter:

    - flower girl

    - bridesmaid

    - reader

    If she's not old enough to do any of these things, you could get her a cute dress, make sure you take lots of photos with her, have a grandparent or trusted friend/family member carry her down the aisle with them as part of the processional, seat her in the front row with them, etc. You could even give her a gift privately before or after the ceremony if you want to.

    I agree with others - it's really not appropriate to make her part of the wedding ceremony. The two of you can make promises to each other "to work together to provide for your family" etc. but it's very odd to have a child be part of your marriage vows. Just remember that she doesn't have any say in you two getting married, in what you do in your relationship, or the decisions you make as adults, so it's not really fair to have her participate in your vows.

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    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueenssparklepants41SP29
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