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Jen4948 · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

His mom will be playing the piano for the processional and I've suggested that his dad carry him to my fiancé and he wasn't a fan of the idea. Our back up plan if the flower girl can't pull him is to either have one of the bridesmaids pull him or carry him.

If his parents aren't fans of the idea, why isn't an alarm bell going off that the idea should be dropped altogether?

The bridesmaids aren't going to want to carry someone else's baby down the aisle, let alone pull him in a wagon.

Look: Since the baby can't get down the aisle and back under his own power: Don't. Put. Him. In. The. Wedding. Party. Lose the whole idea and make everyone else happy.

Just take photos with him. He'll be cute and "included" just by being there.

madamerwin · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

My parents didn't put their 1 year old niece in their wedding for the same reasons you have listed and they have been regretting it for 26 years.

Seriously?!? Not having a baby in their wedding has been weighing on them for 26 years?

Knottie1460327909 said:

Oh I know it isn't fool proof. In my new thread I've explained that if he doesn't want to go down the aisle the day of then by no means will he. The planning around the wagon is strictly based on the 5 year old. If she can't pull it or doesn't want to, we'll have her go down the aisle like normal. If he is cooperating with the wagon, we'll have the bridesmaid pull it. If he isn't but is fine with being carried, we'll do that. If he isn't cooperating with any of it then he doesn't have to. Kids are unpredictable, but they can also work out well so I figure if we have several options for him that one of them may end up fitting. Otherwise we just take pictures with him afterwards. At my cousin's wedding the four year old flower girl threw a temper tantrum right before the wedding and didn't walk down the aisle. It happens. But we don't want to not include him on the chance that he may have a tantrum. If he does he does and we move on, if not, then we have adorable photos of him in a cute wedding wagon.

You see, this is starting to sound much more reasonable... I would just say nix the wagon (it's not going to work, so why bother worrying yourself with planning something that you won't need/use anyway), have a plan for a BM to carry him if he's up for it, and otherwise just have the flower girl and take photos with your nephew. Also, if you're worried about fallout with the siblings, there's no reason not to ask the 8 year-old to be a flower girl also. Eight is not too old to do it, and she would always have the option to decline if she doesn't want to.

InLoveInQueens · July 2016

madamerwin said:

Knottie1460327909 said:

My parents didn't put their 1 year old niece in their wedding for the same reasons you have listed and they have been regretting it for 26 years.

Seriously?!? Not having a baby in their wedding has been weighing on them for 26 years?

SITB

I'm just trying to imagine how boring and/or drama filled someone's life must be if they can say they genuinely regret not having a baby in their wedding party for 26 years. Like, I get feeling "Oh, maybe we should have done this" but obviously it's something that's constantly talked about or else OP wouldn't have said "they have been regretting it for 26 years". Maybe that's where she gets her attitude from, growing up with parents so needy for drama that they actively regret not having a baby in their wedding party.

Every time OP posts I feel worse and worse for their poor props kids. If OP truly cared about them and wanted to include them she would let them wear cute outfits and take pictures and be done with it, not force a baby into a wagon with a toddler pulling it and not force kids who don't even understand what they're saying to do a "reading".

I would love to attend a wedding with kids doing a reading about love and marriage, not because it's cute, but because I love bad/awkward wedding stories.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

If you don't like the answers on the new thread are you going to start another one to explain why no one is right and just a bunch of cotton-headed ninnymuggins?

Is my count correct that we are up to 3 threads now all on the same frigging topic?

OP, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN PULL OTHER CHILDREN AROUND IN WAGON, AND IF YOU WANT ALL THESE DAMN PPL IN YOUR WEDDING JUST HAVE THEM BE IN THE WEDDING PARTY.

Enough already!!

Peledreamsofrain · July 2016

As a mother of a one year old, I would tell you to climb in the little wagon yourself and toddle on back home. Because generally speaking, us mom types don't enjoy being more than 2 feet away while our babies play with/in an object that could hurt them.

Also, she is a person and shit. Not a cutesy prop.

MairePoppy · July 2016

@Peledreamsofrain - belated congrats on the baby

drunkenwitch · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is entirely safe. We found one that has a seat belt and he will be in it for all of a minute tops. You misunderstand me when I talk about the flower girl. I would LOVE to have her as a flower girl, she holds a special place in my heart. I just don't want to deal with the fall out with her siblings, that is the only thing holding me back. We had another option for a flower girl, but she will only be 3 so that is way too little to be pulling a wagon with the safety concerns. The rings are going to be in a sealed box that he cannot open. The flower girl will have flowers in her hair.
We really want our nephew to be in the wedding. My parents didn't put their 1 year old niece in their wedding for the same reasons you have listed and they have been regretting it for 26 years.

That's their biggest regret in 26 years? They are either insanely lucky or have an unhealthy obsession.

CMGragain · July 2016

CHILDREN ARE NOT PROPS FOR YOUR WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greenjinjo · July 2016

If this thread wasn't getting enough attention it will get a lot more now that it is titled closed...

drunkenwitch · July 2016

Okay then, here we go, right back to the advice I want to scream from the rooftops abd blast on every forum. If you don't want an aspect of your life discussed on the Internet, DON'T POST IT. Just.Don't.Post.It.

Seriously,it's super easy. It's the "discard post" button. Or the delete button.

So many, many times I have started to write a post and then stopped. Why? Because it was something I felt strongly about. Or something personal. Or a hot button. It all came to one thing, I don't want people discussing this.

I.Didn't.Post.It. This is not rocket science, it's the undo feature.

Knottie1460327909 · July 2016

drunkenwitch said:

Okay then, here we go, right back to the advice I want to scream from the rooftops abd blast on every forum. If you don't want an aspect of your life discussed on the Internet, DON'T POST IT. Just.Don't.Post.It.

Seriously,it's super easy. It's the "discard post" button. Or the delete button.

So many, many times I have started to write a post and then stopped. Why? Because it was something I felt strongly about. Or something personal. Or a hot button. It all came to one thing, I don't want people discussing this.

I.Didn't.Post.It. This is not rocket science, it's the undo feature.

I realized this too late. This was my first post on this site and I honestly thought that people were just going to answer my question. I gave the other roles as a background to say "hey, these are already filled". I shouldn't have given so much detail, but by the time I realized this, it was too late. I couldn't delete the post and people were already quoting the original and replying to those. I honestly thought I was joining a community of people who would be helpful, not demeaning. I now know in the future to give as little information as possible if I ever decide to post again.

Greenjinjo · July 2016

Welcome to the internet.

charlotte989875 · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

drunkenwitch said:

Okay then, here we go, right back to the advice I want to scream from the rooftops abd blast on every forum. If you don't want an aspect of your life discussed on the Internet, DON'T POST IT. Just.Don't.Post.It.

Seriously,it's super easy. It's the "discard post" button. Or the delete button.

So many, many times I have started to write a post and then stopped. Why? Because it was something I felt strongly about. Or something personal. Or a hot button. It all came to one thing, I don't want people discussing this.

I.Didn't.Post.It. This is not rocket science, it's the undo feature.

I realized this too late. This was my first post on this site and I honestly thought that people were just going to answer my question. I gave the other roles as a background to say "hey, these are already filled". I shouldn't have given so much detail, but by the time I realized this, it was too late. I couldn't delete the post and people were already quoting the original and replying to those. I honestly thought I was joining a community of people who would be helpful, not demeaning. I now know in the future to give as little information as possible if I ever decide to post again.

No one is being demeaning and many people gave you useful advice, you just didn't want to hear it. Look there are specific ways for people to be honored in a wedding ; people standing on the brides side, people standing on the grooms side, officiant, readers, bringing up the gifts (Catholic ceremonies), flower girl, ring bearer, people that walk in the processional (mothers, grandmothers, other important guests), that's it. (Side note; there may be others in non-western, non-Christian based ceremonies that I'm not familiar with so if I'm excluding something obvious to those traditions I'm sorry).

These are traditional ways to honor important people in the couples lives; the reason many posts advise against making up other "roles" is that the people you ask to fill them likely won't feel honored in the way you are hoping they will know you're just making something up for them to do, when you could have asked to honor them in a way they are familiar with.

madamerwin · July 2016

Changing a thread title to "Closed" does not, in fact, close the thread. All it does is draw more attention to it.

No one was demeaning. You got a lot of advice, but it was not the advice you wanted to hear. People's tones may have gotten more frustrated the more you dug in to your own view on it, but seriously: If you ask for advice, don't expect to love all the advice you get. And if 20+ people are telling you something is a bad idea, did it occur to you that maybe it IS a bad idea?

PrettyGirlLost · July 2016

madamerwin said:

Changing a thread title to "Closed" does not, in fact, close the thread. All it does is draw more attention to it.

No one was demeaning. You got a lot of advice, but it was not the advice you wanted to hear. People's tones may have gotten more frustrated the more you dug in to your own view on it, but seriously: If you ask for advice, don't expect to love all the advice you get. And if 20+ people are telling you something is a bad idea, did it occur to you that maybe it IS a bad idea?

I wonder what the consensus would be on WW or in The Hive?

drunkenwitch · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

drunkenwitch said:

Okay then, here we go, right back to the advice I want to scream from the rooftops abd blast on every forum. If you don't want an aspect of your life discussed on the Internet, DON'T POST IT. Just.Don't.Post.It.

Seriously,it's super easy. It's the "discard post" button. Or the delete button.

So many, many times I have started to write a post and then stopped. Why? Because it was something I felt strongly about. Or something personal. Or a hot button. It all came to one thing, I don't want people discussing this.

I.Didn't.Post.It. This is not rocket science, it's the undo feature.

I realized this too late. This was my first post on this site and I honestly thought that people were just going to answer my question. I gave the other roles as a background to say "hey, these are already filled". I shouldn't have given so much detail, but by the time I realized this, it was too late. I couldn't delete the post and people were already quoting the original and replying to those. I honestly thought I was joining a community of people who would be helpful, not demeaning. I now know in the future to give as little information as possible if I ever decide to post again.

You're just learning this now? Honey, I learned that 20 years ago.

levioosa · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

I've had enough. Just because I want the ones I love to be involved in my wedding does not make me a horrible person. You people need to learn how to state your opinions in a kinder way or move over to the snarky brides forum.
Thank you to those that don't fall into this category and stated their opinions in ways that didn't bring me to tears.

This brought you to tears? Oh, bless your heart.

You ignored good advice. You are making things unnecessarily hard on yourself. No one was "demeaning." You simply didn't hear what you wanted and now you're throwing a fit about it.

Heffalump · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

This was my first post on this site and I honestly thought that people were just going to answer my question.

Oh, honey. People have answered your question so.many.times on multiple posts now. You just didn't get the answer you wanted. Bless your heart.

CMGragain · July 2016

Come on guys. She is having these very young children in her wedding because she LOVES them and she WANTS it. Never mind how it might affect the children.

kimmiinthemitten · July 2016

Not providing what you wanted to hear does not make us unhelpful or unkind. In fact, most posters advocated for the babies safety and in pretty sure that's the polar opposite of unkind.

Lurk, read some more, there's a lot of good info here even if it's not presented wrapped in a rainbow and in a basket of puppies.

wmam35 · August 2016

ugh I wrote a comment and realized it was in the wrong thread and I can't delete so I wrote this

My bad.

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