Snarky Brides

No, your invite was NOT lost in the mail...

Conversation between myself and a co-worker AT WORK this morning via an internal IM system:
K: Hey! I just wanted to make sure you had my address! I asked S if she'd gotten your wedding invitation yet and she said she had but mine hasn't come yet. I can't remember if I gave you my address or not but I think it must have gotten lost in the mail somehow. You can just bring it to work if you want to save another stamp! lol
(Internal thoughts: holy fucksticks what do I do?)
*more crickets*
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry K! We really wanted to be able to invite everybody from work but the guest list was kind of out of control. We weren't really able to invite any work friends unfortunately. 
K: Oh. So just S then? She's the only one you invited? And I guess M and A and J too? 
Me: M,A,and J are in the wedding party because we're very close friends with them and S and I hang out outside of work. I'm sorry, I don't really feel like I should have to explain my guest list to you..these are people that we're friends with outside of work. We weren't able to invite work friends, just close friends and family. Sorry! ***Disclaimer I did not actually type: NOT sorry***

Done. I'm done. She is the 2nd person who's called me out on not inviting them. (The first one was wanting to double check the date and when I informed her that we weren't able to invite work friends she actually IM'd my FI to ask what church we were getting married at. So she might STILL JUST SHOW UP.)  FI and I met at our work,  got engaged and now we're getting married. So it seems that people we ONLY WORK WITH seem to have become emotionally attached to our story. We don't spend time together at work. We arrive and leave together but otherwise we don't make moon eyes at each other. We don't touch butts in the hallways. I don't swoon when he walks by (externally at least). I was told by a new person once that if they hadn't heard we were a couple, they would think we didn't even know each other. We do NOT talk about the wedding at work. I never promised invites to anyone. I don't discuss the wedding on facebook. If someone asks me how the planning is going, I tell them it's going great and we're having a lot of fun but that's about as far as I go with it. No details. No pictures. Nothing. I would never imagine asking someone where my invitation is.
I want to make posters and put them on every surface now at work:
New Rule that applies to ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE. Follow these rules and you'll be set. 
Want to go to someone's wedding? Wondering where your invite is?......
1. Ask yourself: Self? Do I hang out with this person? Are we friends? Do I know anything about them outside of facebook facts? Have I ever EVER hung out with them in a social setting? Do I even have their phone number?
2. If you answer "No" to an overwhelming amount of the previous questions, you're not invited. Your invitation was not lost in the mail. Don't ask where it is. Don't wait up. It's. Never. Coming. 
3. Get over it. You're rude. Don't be like that. 

Re: No, your invite was NOT lost in the mail...

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oy, what a mess. I'm so glad we're not inviting anyone from my job. 
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Pretty ballsy  of K to keep inquiring about who's invited after you told her no.
  • Jeez how uncomfortable! I think you handled it great though :)
  • Tell me about it. I was floored. I had no idea what to say. I'm so sorry K.... maybe if we had ever spent any time out of office hours and meetings together you would realize that these are our friends. Close enough friends that we've asked them to stand up with us while we get married. So yes, they're invited. I don't know anything about you besides you have a dog. It's a cute dog. But I wouldn't even know that if you didn't post pictures of it online. It's just rude. You don't ask and question and pester people that you don't even know for an invitation. I would never dream of doing that!! I don't understand what makes it acceptable for normally very appropriate people to just throw away all common sense and ask stuff like that. Maybe I'm overreacting. 70 more days and then I won't have to be irritated by things like this anymore. :)
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Jeez how uncomfortable! I think you handled it great though :)
    You handled it very well. Just be prepared to have the conversation again if necessary.
  • That sounds really frustrating, but you handled it well. I hope no one else is tactless enough to ask why they were not invited!

    Just out of curiosity: How many people are at your work? I have found that crap like this happens more in smaller work environments - people end up thinking they are closer with people than they really are - but judging by the way you talk about it, I am guessing it's not a tiny office.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Our department is around maybe 30 people of a 10,000+ person company.  So company is huge, but you're 100% correct.  Smaller department.  We don't consider  95% of them outside friends. But yes, it is making it awkward since everyone there seems to think they have an emotional connection to our love story whether they should or not. I'm just glad you guys agree with me that it's inappropriate to assume you're invited to a wedding  and actually call us out on it. I feel bad but a line has to be drawn somewhere right??
  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2016
    I'm lucky I was in between jobs when we got married.  Didn't have to deal with that!

    A coworker got married a month ago, and she invited a few coworkers, but not me.  It was NO BIG DEAL.  I would never begrudge anyone for that.  She's closer to those people, and you can't (or wouldn't want to) invite everyone you know to a wedding.

    It boggles my mind that A) people care SO much about being invited to weddings of people they're not close to and B ) that they have the balls to ask you about it.

  • So far, the only person we've had try to invite themselves to our wedding is my sister's MIL.

    She said to my sister a few weeks ago "When is drglitter's wedding again? I haven't gotten my invitation yet".

    I like her and all, but she's my sister's husband's mother. I see her a couple times a year at birthday parties. They weren't even on the super long list we started with that we made cuts from.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Leaning in....she's doing it wrong.


  • You handled it much nicer than I did. My coworkers kept asking if I needed their addresses for their invites. I looked at them, went "Nope, I'm good," and went on with what I was doing. They didn't seem to understand that there was a reason I didn't talk about wedding planning at work.
  • FeelTheRainFeelTheRain member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2016
    Ha, thank you! I felt kind of ass-hatty when I told her that I wasn't really understanding why I was having to explain myself to her. People just seem to lose all filters when it comes to weddings. 
  • Irrational confession over here.  I was a little hurt when a coworker didn't invite me to his wedding.  We shared an office for over two years and he is having a giant shindig (300 guests), though he did mention being bummed and surprised that, despite the big wedding, there were a lot of people he wanted to invite but couldn't.  That was not in reference to anything I said, just typical chit chat.

    I wasn't hurt at first because, although we socialize a decent amount at work, we don't outside the office.  But then I found out he invited another coworker, who I didn't realize he ever even talked to.

    It's one of those, I know I am totally irrational for feeling a bit hurt, but I am anyway.  However, I've never said anything (I never would).  I'm not mad (just a bit hurt) and I certainly didn't let it affect our friendly, working relationship.

    OP, totally inappropriate what your coworker did, though I think you handled it beautifully.  But perhaps, for whatever reason, she was feeling a bit like I was...disappointed to not be included when other work people were and maybe didn't realize you all are closer to other coworkers than you are to her.  Her behavior was not justified!  But I can relate to the feeling.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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