Sorry, just needing to vent a bit.
BIL got married two years ago at the courthouse. His wife is from another country, and while they wanted to get married, they counted that as legalization only, and announced their engagement to the extended family at that point (i.e., only parents and DH [and therefore, me] know they are already married). They are hosting a big wedding in her home country next summer.
They are really nice people, and I love my in-laws. But I'm already really frustrated by the wedding planning process. Not only is it a PPD where most of the relatives don't know that it's a PPD, but it's an expensive one that is being WAY too micromanaged. BIL has sent out a series of emails with powerpoint attachments to "preview the options" for the trip. Option 1 is 5 days, and Option 2 is 10 -- both have planned agendas. Option 1 is estimated to cost around $1400 a person, including plane tickets. That's not terrible for travel to a foreign country, but a trip over $2000 is a lot for DH and me. Heck, our own honeymoon was under $1000. On top of this, BIL has sent several reminder emails over the last few months asking everybody to let him know which "option" we choose so they can plan accordingly. He called DH recently to ask us to be "special" guests of honor -- although they are not having a WP, per say. So I'm not really sure what role I'm supposed to have.
DH has told BIL that he will be there, not to worry. But we really don't know yet about me. DH and I have talked very seriously about TTC this spring, and if I should become pregnant, I don't think I'd want to go to the wedding at all since it is in a high-risk Zika country. DH explained this to BIL, who said he felt it would be very low risk. I know I could follow precautions by dousing myself in bugspray and wearing long sleeve clothing, and the actual risk would be low, but personally, I just wouldn't want to take any chances, especially since the wedding and reception is supposed to be outdoors and run all day.
I think mostly I'm really frustrated because I'm worried that I'm going to come off as the aloof or mean new SIL. It's not even that it's a PPD so much that bothers me -- it's the expectation that we will attend and follow these laid out "options." I love BIL and his wife, and I was so happy to have them both as active members in our WP recently. They are really sweet people, and I know that all this over-planning is their anxiety about trying to be good hosts. If I don't go, I'm concerned that I'm going to look bad not only to BIL and SIL, but to DH's parents and other relatives by missing out on this big family event. During our engagement I missed a few family holidays and my own bridal shower (which neither DH nor I knew about . . . it was supposed to be a surprise) due to being busy in law school, and while nothing was said about it, I got the feeling that my absence was noted. DH has my back, but I hate having to be in this position at all. Urgh.