I was originally going to invite my brother and his whole family via one invitation since they all lived together, but I have now found that my niece has moved out on her own. I would like for her to be there and will send her a separate invitation to her own address. My issue is my brother's step-son. He gives me a serious case of the willies and I would prefer not to invite him, but that may offend my SIL. I'm probably answering my own question with the previous sentence, but do I have to invite him?
Re: Do I have to invite?
If he's an adult, no you don't have to invite him, but seems like you are inviting his entire family and leaving him out. This might cause more hurt feelings than it's worth, especially for your SIL. What's your reasoning for wanting to exclude him?
Technically, you're fine with inviting your brother and his wife and your niece, with separate invitation. But I'm chicken when it comes to family politics. I'd invite them all. You probably won't even notice the weird nephew.
This question begs to be asked. What is so weird about him?
He gives off this really weird rapey vibe. I just don't know how else to describe it. Like he hugs too long and leers constantly. My oldest son gets the same kind of vibe from him and has actually said it wouldn't surprise him if he was arrested for rape some day. You know that meme that reads "you ever meet someone and just know they have someone tied up in their basement?" That's the kind of vibe he gives off.
There could be a lot of things going on besides what's in the OP.
The solution might be something as simple as the kid's parents telling him, "Back off and quit staring because it's making other people uncomfortable" because he doesn't realize that there's a problem.
Or the stepson's behavior might be due to Aspergers or something where he can't pick up on social cues. If that's the case, some information to that effect from the brother could be helpful.
Then the OP can make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to invite him to the wedding, and how to cope with whatever decision she makes.
But if this guy is capable of understanding that his behavior is problematic but continues to engage in it anyway, and the OP's brother asks why he isn't invited (if she doesn't invite him), she can say to him, "Brother, your stepson is creeping out a lot of people with his behavior, including me and my son. We don't want to make the guests at my wedding uncomfortable by exposing them to his behavior. So we had to make the hard decision not to invite him."
The big question is, is he capable of understanding that, and if so, has anyone told him to stop?