Wedding Woes

I want to hug the LW. :(

Dear Prudence,
I recently lost my brother, who was not the first of my siblings to die. In addition to the appalling way he died, the loss of no longer having him to talk to is so painful. I’ve lost part of my childhood and part of who I am. There is another thing I wasn’t prepared for: I have taken care of my siblings all their lives because of our abusive, violent, mentally ill, drunk parents. Now there is a huge space in my life where that used to be. In an obvious way that’s a good thing to not have to do anymore. But I don’t know what to put in my life in its place. And I feel such guilt for even thinking that, now, I can put my mental energy in a place I’d have liked it to be all these years. How do I finally do what I want with my life, and how do I not feel like I am still abandoning him, which I know logically makes no sense?


Re: I want to hug the LW. :(

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Poor LW.  Counseling for sure. 

    Perhaps volunteering for some organizations will also help with any guilt she is feeling.  It could also be tailored to some of her issues - teen outreach, big sister (if she is well enough for it), or an animal orphanage.  Her life experience may help those with tough beginnings and the animal orphanage could give her some pet therapy.  But before volunteering, I think she needs to discuss with a counselor if any of these would be good for her.

  • As others said, counseling. It may start for grief, but LW may realize due to past issues she wants to figure out that part of her.

    After my dad passed, our dr suggested counseling for both my mum and I. For myself, it didn't work HOWEVER my mum continued and is able to understand herself better {this is a long time choice that I'm glad she made} and is also now able to learn how to cope in better ways.
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