Wedding Woes

Wedding guests inviting other people? 6 days out, what to do?

edited August 2016 in Wedding Woes
Hi all,

I'm 6 days out from my wedding and I'm just now discovering that family and friends have invited several people from out of town to the wedding that were never invited. One family member of FI's family asked us that, since two cousins couldn't make it, if another set of cousins could (that FI hasn't seen in over 5 years - longer than we've been together). We didn't respond. These cousins were mistakenly told to make plans by this family member back in May. We clarified they weren't invited. She said she would correct the situation. Now I'm finding out that family member never told the cousins they weren't invited so now they're coming up for the wedding. This is the same situation with another long lost uncle FI hasn't seen or spoken to in years and a few other people!

All these people are coming from out of state, and I think that's why I'm aware of them. What about those people in town/in the area who think they're invited and are just going to show up because FI's family can't stop inviting people? We have assigned table seating and only rented so many tables (we're having the wedding at my parent's ranch).

What to do? We're paying for a wedding, not financing a family and friends reunion.

Re: Wedding guests inviting other people? 6 days out, what to do?

  • edited August 2016
    Thank you for the reply! Unfortunately, I don't talk with this family member (aunt) and she texted (ugh!) my fiance saying "I don't want to pressure you but have you made a decision about 'John and Jen' because they are coming up for the wedding since I never actually told them they weren't invited".

    We already accommodated an uncle due to this last week but it's getting out of hand with other people.

    I think we may end up having extra seats, but that's because people are backing out last minute and I don't necessarily want to fill them with people I don't know who were mistakenly told they were invited.

    My family is making most of the food (we are having the main entree meat catered). At this point, it's a matter of me rearranging all the tables and printing out new escort cards to fit people in.

    Maybe I'll just stand firm and if other guests back out because of it, so be it.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    How many people total are you hearing have been invited?

    If it's just the two I'd probably try and accommodate, but if it's more I think you need to figure out a way for FI (not you!) to communicate with the perpetrators per @SP29's post above.
    image
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwecowgirl8238
  • Thank you for the reply! Unfortunately, I don't talk with this family member (aunt) and she texted (ugh!) my fiance saying "I don't want to pressure you but have you made a decision about 'John and Jen' because they are coming up for the wedding since I never actually told them they weren't invited".

    We already accommodated an uncle due to this last week but it's getting out of hand with other people.

    I think we may end up having extra seats, but that's because people are backing out last minute and I don't necessarily want to fill them with people I don't know who were mistakenly told they were invited.

    My family is making most of the food (we are having the main entree meat catered). At this point, it's a matter of me rearranging all the tables and printing out new escort cards to fit people in.

    Maybe I'll just stand firm and if other guests back out because of it, so be it.

    That should have been answered sooner honestly...although the aunt was wrong to invite them, it may have saved some feelings and stress had your FI (his side his problem) just said no right away.

    In general a wedding invitation should be addressed only to the people you want to invite...that ensures that only those people are truly invited and allows you to decline any others being added or people trying to switch out person B for person A.  Since you mentioned that this has happened a few times can I ask, how did you address the invites?  Name 1 and Name 2, or Name Family? Since the first is more specific and gives you the right to "veto" any add on's or swaps while the second implies there is room for whoever fits the "family" category.

    Secondly, did you invite in nice circles (ex. close family, aunts/uncle, 1st cousins, etc.)  While you can invite whoever you want, it is best to invite in circles of guests...and if you invited some cousins but not others this may be where the add-on's and swaps are coming from.  Again, it isn't wrong to have done this, but it often leads to slighted feelings and may be why people just assumed "hey they invited these cousins, and your a cousin, so I'm sure you can go!"

    OP, it is up to you what to do here.  I would err on the side of inviting them anyway, one because they already made the effort to attend and two because your FI didn't stop them earlier when the question was first asked.  While you have a right to refuse it may not be worth arguing (Especially if this aunt knows about the Uncle that got added on).  I'm not sure how your family dynamics work or what kind of potential fallout there may be, but I would consider that too before I said yes or no.  Either way you decide...TELL HER ASAP whether these cousins are/are not invited.

    SP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    OP, it is up to you what to do here.  I would err on the side of inviting them anyway, one because they already made the effort to attend and two because your FI didn't stop them earlier when the question was first asked.  While you have a right to refuse it may not be worth arguing (Especially if this aunt knows about the Uncle that got added on).  I'm not sure how your family dynamics work or what kind of potential fallout there may be, but I would consider that too before I said yes or no.  Either way you decide...TELL HER ASAP whether these cousins are/are not invited.

    I agree. I would probably go ahead and let them come. The problem is they won't be thinking how rude it is that someone besides the B&G invited them, only how mean and selfish B&G are to not let them come after they made arrangements. I would definitely let rude aunt and anyone else know that this is the last time this will be tolerated and that she needs to stop inviting other people. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • OP, I'm looking st your other post and you say that these extra relatives are already going to be in town at the time of the wedding. Meaning, they've already made their travel plans. Because of that, it would be nice for you to be gracious and figure out a way for them to come. Since you don't need to give numbers to a caterer, hopefully it's just a matter of figuring out some extra seats. 
    However, you didn't invite these people so you ARE within your right for your FI to tell them that they aren't invited and not have a seat for them at the wedding. It really depends on how much family fall out you and your FI want to have. But there's lot of good suggestions above for how to turn them down. 
    Plus, maybe more family from FI's side will help distract grandma and she will be less of an issue. 
    OurWildKingdom
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