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Destination Weddings

Distinctive Weddings in Italy - Anyone used them? Newbie needs help with wedding in Italy.

Hello! My fiance and are going to get married in Italy in May 2018! I am just starting to get my arms around where to start with a destination wedding.  We've had some email convos with Distinctive Weddings - does anyone have feedback?  As I said, we haven't committed to anything and just started the process. Any advice is much appreciated from big to small about your Italy wedding experiences and what to and not to do! Thanks!

Re: Distinctive Weddings in Italy - Anyone used them? Newbie needs help with wedding in Italy.

  • I should mention its our 2nd for both and we love to travel - a lot! 
  • Well, based on another current post, I would recommend that you call the social security office yourself to get information on the requirements you'll need to make sure it is a legal marriage and what is required once you come back to the states to change your name. 
    If this company tells you anything different, I'd be suspicious of using them. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    Here is the information for getting married in Italy.  It is not easy.  You cannot just fly to Italy and get married.  It takes several weeks to get the legal papers in order.  All documents must be translated into Italian.  Italian marriage laws are not designed for destination weddings, but for foreigners already living in Italy.

    http://italy.usembassy.gov/acs/marriage/general-marriage.html

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I can't really comment on an Italy wedding, but I was in your shoes a few years back. Second marriage for both and travel frequently! We put together a spreadsheet of all of the destinations that intrigued us. Some we had been to before (Italy, Hawaii, Mauritius, Seychelles, Tahiti, Fiji) others had been on the list for awhile (Australia, Cook Islands, Malaysia, Maldives). After we made our list, we started researching the requirements. We had "pros" and "cons" columns to help weigh the destinations (ex: weather concerns due to the time of year we wanted to marry, needing a separate legal ceremony, etc) and we also had a notes column to capture the info we found. After we gathered all of the data, we started eliminating. We nixed Malaysia due to residency requirements and the Maldives due to needing a legal ceremony back home. In Italy, we looked into marrying at Villa d'Este. We had stayed there on a previous trip. However, just a basic wedding package was way more expensive than any other destination. As CMGr referenced, the process was not easy as well. Plus, we knew we wanted to honeymoon at a beach destination. We nixed a lot of destinations simply because we decided we wanted to go somewhere new.

    We ultimately ended up choosing Australia. The Cook Islands were a close second. The requirements were easy (certified copies of birth certs, passports, divorce decrees, and a completed form), there was no residency requirement, we could have a private ceremony at the resort we chose, and we were already at the beach for our HM!

    I recommend just making a list and start doing research from there.

     







  • Sorry I should have mentioned we aren't doing a legal wedding in Italy.  So no worries there.  Italy is the destination no matter what, I was just wondering if anyone has used this wedding planner?  We don't want a beach destination and we are actually buying a vacation/retirement home in Italy - in other words it feels like home to us so that will be the location.  Thanks for all your responses!
  • Sorry I should have mentioned we aren't doing a legal wedding in Italy.  So no worries there.  Italy is the destination no matter what, I was just wondering if anyone has used this wedding planner?  We don't want a beach destination and we are actually buying a vacation/retirement home in Italy - in other words it feels like home to us so that will be the location.  Thanks for all your responses!
    Why won't you be having a legal wedding in Italy? Do your guests know this?

    Regardless of that fact, you will be asking friends and family to spend thousands of dollars to watch you and your fiance pretend to get married. 
    SwissMs
  • Then you don't need help with a wedding in Italy because you won't be having one.
    CMGragainernursejSwissMs
  • WildcatsarahjWildcatsarahj member
    First Comment
    edited August 2016
    We aren't legally getting married period - that's our preference.  We don't feel the government should be involved in our love life.  We are both divorced and own a home and raise kids together and don't see the necessity for the piece of paper.   However, we are both spiritual and still want to celebrate our love like every one else that gets married.  Our family and friends understand that 100%.  And how do your guests know you sign your wedding certificate anyway? Its not like that's part of the ceremony and that's what makes you legally married in the eyes of the government.  I have had quite a few friends who have done destination weddings, but gone to the courthouse here beforehand for the legal requirements vs. trying to do them in the destination country.  I have never heard anyone complain about it.  All our close people are big travelers and see this as an opportunity for a great vacation.  We are giving them 21 months to save for flights.  We are providing accomodatations, activities and food for 3 nights in a castle/villa in Tuscany. I am pretty sure they won't care one way or another if we sign the legal document.  Its not like anyone is forced to attend or will know the difference anyway, except they already do because its such a small group and they know that's how we feel about it.
  • Wow appreciate the support and "help" on here. I didn't ask your opinion about the legality of my marriage. I asked about the wedding planner - period.
  • Wow appreciate the support and "help" on here. I didn't ask your opinion about the legality of my marriage. I asked about the wedding planner - period.
    Asking about a specific wedding planner is a very specific question so on an international forum like this, it is very unlikely someone has used that specific person. I would recommend Google, better business bureau or one of the many vendor review sites. 

     But since people here like to be helpful, they went to the next option: providing information on your general situation. You put th information out there and therefor people are going to respond. You can't dictate responses. 
    ernursej
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    So, I guess I see no issue with your plans except for one thing- it's not a wedding, so you can't call it one. However, it sounds like everyone knows it's not a wedding, you are hosting everyone very well, and you are aware that some people may choose to not attend because it's not a wedding.

    Having been through a divorce, I personally understand not wanting to remarry, but wanting to fully commit to someone. In fact, my H and I had the same mindset and almost didn't marry because why should we? We don't need to share finances, insurance, or raise children. However, I REALLY don't understand the need to have a ceremony to just commit to one another. I barely had a ceremony to get married (we eloped and it was extremely simple and private). I might just throw a super nice party just for the hell of it, but I don't really see the need for the drama and stress of planning a wedding-type event for a non-wedding. That's just my opinion.

    FWIW, the way you wrote your post suggested that you were just starting to look into the whole DW thing and Italy was a possibility, but you were open to suggestion because it's a second time around and you travel a lot. It led a lot of people, myself included, to believe you were actually getting remarried.

     







    ernursej
  • Again - did I ask an opinion about what is right for me and life - no?  Goodness I am sad to see how badly these boards have gone downhill since my last wedding 13 years ago. Brides were supportive and helpful to one another, which I thought was the point.  The piece of paper doesn't represent a marriage to me - the vows we say to one another surrounded by our family and friends do.  Believe me, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are committed. I also think if things change, as they did for me in my first marriage, lawyers and the government shouldn't profit off of it, which they do. That doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage or committing to the love of my life.  The vows we say to one another in a spiritual ceremony are what make a difference TO ME, not the signed paper in the file cabinet. It's also important to our VIP's to be part of that and to be included in us publically having a ceremony to commit to one another.  It is also a great excuse to have a party and take a trip with our loved ones.   I don't know what "marriage" means to all of you - and honestly I don't care because that wasn't the question I posed.  I said "we are getting married in Italy in 2018" - has anyone used this wedding vendor and somehow it lead to this.  I have also done other searches and was using this forum as an additional resource, because once upon a time it was good for that.  I guess I'll be finding other resources because hateful judging about what is right for you isn't what I was seeking.  For those who gave true feedback - thank you!
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We aren't legally getting married period - that's our preference.  We don't feel the government should be involved in our love life.  We are both divorced and own a home and raise kids together and don't see the necessity for the piece of paper.   However, we are both spiritual and still want to celebrate our love like every one else that gets married.  Our family and friends understand that 100%.  And how do your guests know you sign your wedding certificate anyway? Its not like that's part of the ceremony and that's what makes you legally married in the eyes of the government.  I have had quite a few friends who have done destination weddings, but gone to the courthouse here beforehand for the legal requirements vs. trying to do them in the destination country.  I have never heard anyone complain about it.  All our close people are big travelers and see this as an opportunity for a great vacation.  We are giving them 21 months to save for flights.  We are providing accomodatations, activities and food for 3 nights in a castle/villa in Tuscany. I am pretty sure they won't care one way or another if we sign the legal document.  Its not like anyone is forced to attend or will know the difference anyway, except they already do because its such a small group and they know that's how we feel about it.
    Again - did I ask an opinion about what is right for me and life - no?  Goodness I am sad to see how badly these boards have gone downhill since my last wedding 13 years ago. Brides were supportive and helpful to one another, which I thought was the point.  The piece of paper doesn't represent a marriage to me - the vows we say to one another surrounded by our family and friends do.  Believe me, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are committed. I also think if things change, as they did for me in my first marriage, lawyers and the government shouldn't profit off of it, which they do. That doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage or committing to the love of my life.  The vows we say to one another in a spiritual ceremony are what make a difference TO ME, not the signed paper in the file cabinet. It's also important to our VIP's to be part of that and to be included in us publically having a ceremony to commit to one another.  It is also a great excuse to have a party and take a trip with our loved ones.   I don't know what "marriage" means to all of you - and honestly I don't care because that wasn't the question I posed.  I said "we are getting married in Italy in 2018" - has anyone used this wedding vendor and somehow it lead to this.  I have also done other searches and was using this forum as an additional resource, because once upon a time it was good for that.  I guess I'll be finding other resources because hateful judging about what is right for you isn't what I was seeking.  For those who gave true feedback - thank you!
    How nice, you're giving your closest friends and family 21 months to save thousands of dollars so they can observe a fake ceremony.  That is just so magnanimous of you.  

    You posted on an open forum, so you're going to get comments on whatever you posted. Every comment was true feedback.  That "piece of paper" gives you benefits. Benefits that not everyone is able to enjoy.  But by all means, be a speshul snowflake and pretend that it's just a legality that doesn't actually matter.  *eye roll* I would be so pissed if I spent money to watch a fake ceremony.  It would definitely affect our friendship, that you prioritized a vision over the real thing, and I'd be reevaluating the friendship.  There's so much entitlement in your posts I don't even know where to start.  


    image
    sparklepants41CMGragain
  • @levioosa I'll defend one point (the rest I agree with), she said that everyone knows. So I totally get that you wouldn't want to spend money to witness this (most likely I wouldn't either), but her guests obviously do since they know and are still planning to come. So at least she's not being deceitful and people can make the appropriate decision with their money. 

    Obviously, the rest of her attitude sucks and she should call this something other than a wedding (commitment ceremony?). 

    OP: in Canada, being common law is just as legal as being married and I've know common law relationships who have split up and they required a lot of lawyer fees. Not being "'married" doesn't necessarily prevent any of the issues you've cited. 
    ernursejcharlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    So, you are not having a wedding after all!  You are having a costume party!  Why not just wait until Halloween?
    I am sorry I wasted my time trying to help you.  You are making a farce out of something that I hold sacred.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Sherbie25
  • Again - did I ask an opinion about what is right for me and life - no?  Goodness I am sad to see how badly these boards have gone downhill since my last wedding 13 years ago. Brides were supportive and helpful to one another, which I thought was the point.  The piece of paper doesn't represent a marriage to me - the vows we say to one another surrounded by our family and friends do.  Believe me, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are committed. I also think if things change, as they did for me in my first marriage, lawyers and the government shouldn't profit off of it, which they do. That doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage or committing to the love of my life.  The vows we say to one another in a spiritual ceremony are what make a difference TO ME, not the signed paper in the file cabinet. It's also important to our VIP's to be part of that and to be included in us publically having a ceremony to commit to one another.  It is also a great excuse to have a party and take a trip with our loved ones.   I don't know what "marriage" means to all of you - and honestly I don't care because that wasn't the question I posed.  I said "we are getting married in Italy in 2018" - has anyone used this wedding vendor and somehow it lead to this.  I have also done other searches and was using this forum as an additional resource, because once upon a time it was good for that.  I guess I'll be finding other resources because hateful judging about what is right for you isn't what I was seeking.  For those who gave true feedback - thank you!


    The vows don't necessarily mean you (general you and not you personally) are committed. If so, there would be far fewer divorces. I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce. The "piece of paper" entitles you to a lot of benefits and status. To many people it represents something very meaningful and sacred. In most of my friends homes, they have their certificate framed.

    You are entitled to your own opinion about what the ceremony means and what the piece of paper means, but so are the rest of the people that you've posted out to.

    Go ahead and have your commitment ceremony. Have a big party and celebrate. Goodness knows that we should celebrate more often as life is short. As long as your guests know that you aren't signing official papers, they can choose to support you in whatever way they want. If that means attending, you will have lots of guests.

    charlotte989875
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