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Destination Weddings

Advice?

My fiancé and I are planning on getting married on May 15th 2017 in Cabo San Lucas with about thirty of our family and friends present. But because of the paperwork hassle and all the requirements, we are legally getting married at home at a courthouse before we go, but not making a big deal out of it, as in, not inviting anyone, or really talking about it. I am wondering, after reading through posts about "wedding do overs" how others feel about this? Are people going to be upset? Also side note, for those who did the courthouse ceremony first and then had a more formal ceremony later, what did you wear to the courthouse one? Should I wear my wedding dress, or find something more casual? Thank you!

Re: Advice?

  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    No one here likes this. Are you telling your guests that they'll just be viewing a reenactment of your actual wedding or will they think they're seeing the real thing? How hard *really* is the paperwork? When will you be celebrating your anniversary? What you're thinking of doing is what posters here call a PPD or "Pretty Princess Day" which is when you dress up and pretend you're getting married. You'll already be married, so dressing up as a bride and saying fake vows in front of a crowd who thinks they are seeing the real thing is deceitful and SUUUUUPER frowned upon here.
    ei34SP29PrettyGirlLostYogaSandy
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Also, what's in the water around here lately? Lot's of lame PPD posts.
    kimmiinthemittenMairePoppy
  • All of the guests know that we are doing a private courthouse ceremony before Cabot and no one has said anything negative to us. Honestly before reading some posts here I had no idea this was such a hot button issue. We just can't get enough time off from work to meet the resident requirements in Mexico so it seemed easier to do it here legally.
  • Why is this all over the place? Do people in real life really do this as much as TK seems to suggest?

    I have never knowingly attended one of these, but if I was invited to a destination wedding and found out after the fact or via word of mouth that the couple had actually already gotten married I would be pretty pissed off to have been lied to. Less so if you were really upfront about it, but tbh I'd feel a bit put out that there was an expectation that I would spend a lot of money and probably my own paid leave to witness a fake ceremony. Yes, I know an invitation isn't a summons, but to be real there is an expectation of attendance that can be hard to get around with close friends/family. Plenty of people actually get married in a destination wedding, basically you just cant be arsed to put in the research so that your loved ones are actually present when you are legally married. I just don't understand that.
                 
    sparklepants41kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All of the guests know that we are doing a private courthouse ceremony before Cabot and no one has said anything negative to us. Honestly before reading some posts here I had no idea this was such a hot button issue. We just can't get enough time off from work to meet the resident requirements in Mexico so it seemed easier to do it here legally.

    I'm confused about this.  Are you only going for the weekend??  That seems a very short time to go to Mexico, but maybe if you live in South Cali, you can get some good deals??
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why is this all over the place? Do people in real life really do this as much as TK seems to suggest?


    While I've never been invited to a DW it does make me wonder how many people I know who chose one also went this route. 

    OP, there are plenty of beautiful beaches to get married at legally. If you want to lie about it, get married in Florida and tell everyone it's Mexico!
    image
    Viczaesarmrsbtobe-2YogaSandy
  • Please don't do this. You get one day. What you choose to do for that day is up to you. Choose one of the options and if it is destination, do the work and secure the time off. If you can't or don't want to jump through the hoops, get married at home.

    I have zero problems spending money on a vacation (giant family vacation/going to a real DW), but to watch a play that you would put on pretending to get married would really push my buttons.

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think what you're doing is lame, and rude, and tacky. You're essentially forcing your loved ones to travel to another country to watch a fake re-do. YOU WILL ALREADY BE MARRIED. What you're planning in Mexico is not a wedding ceremony. Because, again, you will already be married. You can't get married twice without getting divorced in between. 

    If you can't get enough time off to get properly married in Mexico, don't do it. Get married somewhere else. 

    ei34
  • You do know you have a choice in where you can get married, but once you're married there are no do overs unless you get divorced in between, right? So you're inviting 30 of your closest friends and family to spend thousands of dollars to watch you and your husband play dress up. Your husband, since you're already married. You can choose from plenty of beautiful locations in countries/states with less strict requirements or you can honeymoon in Cabo. Your friends and family who you told about your plans aren't going to say anything to your face, they're not as rude as you are I'm guessing, but if you asked them about a hypothetical situation that's similar to yours I would hey money that a good number of them would find what you're doing really selfish and shitty.

    Read  this again, what you're planning in Mexico isn't your wedding, you're putting on a play and asking people to spend thousands of dollars on a ticket to see said play. 
    ei34SP29CMGragainPrettyGirlLost
  • While not a fan of PPD, if everyone knows you were married ahead of time, and were given that information before booking the trip, then I don't see a problem with it. I have a problem with it when people lie and then look surprised when their guests are hurt they spend a lot of money to see a do-over.

    Either way, what you wear to the courthouse is really up to you. It's your wedding day, so you can wear your big white dress or go for something simpler. Every bride gets that option.


    A girlfriend of mine signed her state marriage license at her DW. They just fibbed about where the wedding took place. Since the pastor didn't mind, and the state could care less provided the address listed is in the county the license was issued, her DW wedding day was still her wedding day.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    Knottie6394f6b22a913594
  • I know someone who did get married legally in the states (had on a classy white cocktail dress for the courthouse), had a "destination wedding" in the DR (looks like roughly 20 people or so attended AND had an AHR with about 100 people for which she wore her wedding dress.

    I presume, based on how public her pictures were, everyone was aware. It got eye rolls from me because good grief, how many times does one have to celebrate?

    If you're not getting married at the fancy resort, honestly, why don't you just consider having your honeymoon there instead? Why does the "destination wedding" have to happen at all? All it is then is a big group vacation. And to be honest, no way in hell would I burn thousands of dollars on a big group vacation. No legal wedding = no go for me. 
    omg!  THIS.  

    I went to the third "wedding" in a string of weddings just like this.  It was a family thing, and I knew about it, but so much side-eye!  

    The couple got married in home state (which very few people actually knew), had a "destination" wedding in the islands complete with fancy RD and reception, then came home and had a PPD where they RE-ENACTED every single piece of their over long ceremony again for the guests who didn't want to spend all that money complete with gown (which made sense on an Island, not so much in upstate NY in February), bridesmaid dresses, etc.

    As if this all wasn't bad enough, the third wedding?  CASH. BAR.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2016
    Very good friends of ours had a courthouse wedding in the states, due to immigration issues.  His parents, her brother (from Austria) and a few friends went to the ceremony.   The had a small dinner at restaurant.  They took pictures and posted it on FB.

    6 months later they had the Catholic ceremony in her hometown of Vienna.   Which we happily attended.  (should be noted Austria requires separate civil and religious ceremonies anyway, so they would have had to regardless).


    My BIL and SIL had a courthouse ceremony due to insurance issues. Both sets of parents, a few siblings (not us, we were out-of-state) and a friend or 2.  They had a nice lunch afterwards. Took a few pics and posted on FB.

    A year to the day later they had a wedding celebration. Which, again, we happily attended.


    Neither time was I upset at the events BECAUSE THEY WERE OPEN AND HONEST with everyone.  Not only that, they recognized the significants on just how important that "piece of paper" really was.   They knew that piece of paper allowed of them to remain in the states and the other good medical insurance and other benefits.    They didn't just blow of the "piece of paper" as something insignificant.  


    I will never understand people not be honest with others.  Will a few of the 30 decide not to attend because it's just a re-do?  Maybe.  But I think honesty outweighs everything else.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2016
    I repeat, there are no resident requirements in Mexico!  None!
    Cabo is one of the destination marriage friendly parts of Mexico, and I believe they do not require the X-ray, only a blood test.  What is your problem?  When I was married in 1976, most states in the USA still required them.

    Not only will all of your guests have to pay for their trip to Mexico, but they will need passports, which are not cheap.  You are not thinking of your guests; you are thinking of your pretty pictures.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2016
    [...] we are legally getting married at home at a courthouse before we go, but not making a big deal out of it, as in, not inviting anyone, or really talking about it. [...] Are people going to be upset?
    All of the guests know that we are doing a private courthouse ceremony before Cabot and no one has said anything negative to us.
    Let me get this straight: you're not talking about your (only/actual/legal) wedding, but your guests already know about it... and you're asking if they're going to be upset, but no one has said anything negative...

    So what do you want from us again? You seem to have taken care of everything in the ten minutes between your first and second posts. Great job! Have a fabulous time in Mexico with your obviously rich-as-hell friends who don't mind spending their money & time to be part of your photoshoot!

    SP29InLoveInQueens
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